Reporter: “So, Roberto Mancini. Three weeks ago, you denied Manchester City were still in the title race against Manchester United. A narrow 3-2 victory over your derby rivals on that memorable Monday evening in late April meant United would not only have to win their remaining fixtures against Swansea and Sunderland, but catch you up on goal difference as well. They got the points, and not the goals, and your unlikely victories over Newcastle and QPR today mean City are first division champions for the first time since 1968. How does it feel to know you will soon lift the Premier League trophy?”
Mancini: “We have not won the title.”
Reporter: “Oh, come on Roberto. It’s official now, you don’t have to keep playing the mind games.”
Mancini: “No you are wrong, the Premier League has made ahhh mistake with the goal difference number. You will see, United are champions, not us. We are sad for the fans, we have come this close, but we lost this title back in March like the newspapers write.”
Reporter: “I would say Roberto the Premier League doesn’t agree with you, nor your fans who are now hoisting you into the air. And I’m looking at the Premier League trophy right now, it’s being carried onto the pitch for the presentation.”
Mancini: “That is ahhh not a trophy. That is a gift for my wife. A bit of vase for the flowers. And these fans aren’t celebrating, they are going to drop me from a great height. You see how they are ahhh crying?”
Reporter: “Roberto, those are clearly tears of joy.”
Mancini: “I am sorry to the fans, the club, the people of Manchester City, the people of Abu Dhabi. I am disgraced to accept this loser’s medal.”
Reporter: “There aren’t second place medals in the Premier League, that’s a winners medal.”
Mancini: “I will wear it with shame, always. Congratulations Manchester United.”
Steve Bottjer on how Ashtone Morgan has coped with the team being so, so awful.
Montreal Impact wheel and deal.
Vancouver Whitecaps top FC Dallas 1-0.
Ben Knight interviews three of the Canadian Soccer Associations candidates for the presidency. A must-listen.
Sir Alex Ferguson: whoops.
Apparently Drogba is scary enough for Barca they brought back Gerard Pique to face Chelsea, or at least that’s the Daily Mail’s take on the matter.
Robin van Persie is the PFA player of the year.
Kenny Dalglish plays the bad luck card in explaining Liverpool’s 0-1 loss to West Brom.
Pep Guardiola isn’t an idiot when it comes to Gareth Bale.
Laurent Blanc to be the next Chelsea manager?
Tottenham just needs a striker says Harry Redknapp, curled up in a fetal position repeating it over and over again.
Terry Connor’s future won’t be decided until after Wolves finish their relegation lap.
This is absolutely ridiculous.
Susy Campanale on “Ultras culture” in Italy, this following the shirt incident at Genoa.
Paolo Bandini on how the incident overshadowed Juventus’ advance to the Scudetto.
Rob Paton laments Serie A’s weakened global image.
Milan working to get players fit in time for title climax.
Real do the business against Barcelona and finally bring a close to the latter’s 55 home game unbeaten streak.
Sid Lowe on the season-defining El Clasico.
Brian Phillips knew this was going to happen all along (as did, to be fair, Jonathan Wilson).
Borussia Dortmund are Bundesliga champs for the second year in a row.
Now the rest of the league has to be sorted out.
A tribute to Robert Lewandowski.
Bits and bobs
Michael Cox on the more subtle striker partnership in modern football.
Gab Marcotti on the drop-off in world class centrebacks recently…
Comparing whoscored.com’s 2011-2012 Premier League best XI with the PFA’s version. Very interesting, this…
The LeBron James Liverpool headphones make up for the LeBron James Liverpool sneakers.
Introducing the Hodge Files.
And that, give or take, is the story so far…