While Whittall is busy preparing another highly anticipated post in his soccer analytics series, I’m here to feed to the demon that lurks inside footy fans this time of year. This demon can only be satiated by the baseless rumors plastered on the front pages of Europe’s least reputable dailies. That’s right folks – the transfer window draws near.

Today’s dispatches:

1) Arsenal reach agreement with Rennes for French Midfielder Yann M’Vila.

A long term Wenger target, M’Vila has now entered wage negotiations with Arsenal after a transfer fee with Rennes was brokered. Marcel Desailly has told Goal.com M’Vila is better than Patrick Viera. Desailly once again reminds us the summer season brings out hyperbole in its worst form. ‘Your Are My Arsenal’ – a popular Gooner blog, broke the news yesterday and many mainstream journalists have jumped on the speculation. If things go pear shaped you can guess who will take the brunt of the blame.

2) Ajax defender Jan Vertonghen asks Spurs to get him out of Holland.

You can thank the Murdoch owned Sun for this bizarre story in which Vertonghen seems to be pleading with Redknapp & Co. to get him to the EPL as soon as possible. Vertonghen wants what is best for both clubs, with a slight caveat:

“Of course I want Ajax to gain financially but the amount Tottenham are willing to pay — perhaps with a little extra — is very reasonable.”

Clearly this is an elaborate Nigerian prince like scam concocted by Jan and Ajax.

3) Eden Hazard says he will be wearing blue next season.

Our last rumor for today is throw-yourself-through-a-brick-wall maddening. Hazard attended last week’s Manchester Derby at Etihad Stadium. Perhaps a journalist would ask him which midfield he was better suited to join? Of course not, idiot. Instead, Canal + asked him which color he fancied, red or blue? Hazard broke the tense silence:

“The blue, it’s the blue that I’ll be wearing next season. Definitely the blue.”

There you have it. Nothing will stop this from happening. Absolutely nothing. Excellent reporting Canal +. Excellent.

We’ll leave you with the first installment of Gary Neville’s team of the year. I’m going to jump off a bridge.