I don’t make much of a secret of how much I despise transfer rumours. Most of the time, they are nothing more than a sly manipulation of the English language in order for news outlets to distance themselves the utterly absurd drivel they print in papers that deign to add the prefix “news.” The utter garbage that comprises these rumour pages emanates from god-knows-where most of the time, hence the suspicion two months ago of some social media users at Reddit that they could engineer a fake transfer story.

The winning idea? A Michael Owen-to-Bolton rumour. And, two months later:

According to reports former Manchester United striker Michael Owen could be moving to Bolton Wanderers.

Owen, who was released from United this summer, wants to play on next season and has revealed that a move is close.

So next time you see “According to reports,” realize those reports may be nothing more than a steaming pile of dogshit, courtesy of some bored redditors.