In what I can only guess is some sort of catharsis for the USA’s 2-1 loss to Jamaica, Steve Davis went off on one for Pro Soccer Talk, writing an Open Letter to Canadian Soccer. Therefore, a Fisk for you on this Monday afternoon. Davis’ words in italics.
Hello, there Steve.
United States here. How are the ol’ maple leafs hangin’, guys?
Did you mean ‘leaves’? Or was this an off-topic subliminal penis reference involving one of the worst teams in professional hockey? I don’t get it.
Nice to see you enjoy a little World Cup qualifier lift. That win last Friday was close, but you’re almost into the big regional dance now! You got a shot at final round qualifying.
Hey Steve, patronizing twaddle aside, it might be a good idea to mention we did in fact qualify in 1986, and have been to the Hex in 1997 and 1993. Which I suppose is ancient history when you consider the age of the World Wide Web.
About time, too. Man, when it comes to World Cup qualifying, we’re used to watching you guys fall quicker than beauty pageant queens in a Spelling Bee.
Missed you in ’86! And why the oddly sexist metaphor?
But we’re really writing to give you a little heads-up. See, before, you weren’t much of a threat. About as threatening as one of those adorable little Fiat Abarths at a Monster Truck pull. Beep-beep!
Um, you do know that we’ve been part of CONCACAF for a while now, correct? And have seen it all? Bags of urine, booing our players for ninety minutes during home games. And these similes/metaphors are very…flyover country. We also have an 8-9-13 record against you, which considering we have 1/10th of your population size might be more than a little embarrassing. But that’s just me, Steve.
But now that you look like a burgeoning threat, uh, seems you might get some of the ol’ “American treatment.”
Yes, in certain shops of Shanghia, that’s a good thing – but this is something very different. In this case, it means horn-honking or music blaring or drums beating or all of the noisy above. An the eve of a Double Whopper-sized big game. Right outside your hotel. All. Stinkin’. Night.
That’s what we heard, anyway.
Yup, Milan Borjan looked really shocked while he laughed and took pictures with his phone.
So, good luck down there in Panama City. Nice place. More modern and vibrant than you might think. They damn sure know how to build a helluva ditch, don’t they?
We’ve played Panama away before in World Cup qualifying. Did I mention Canada is a CONCACAF member? And is that some sort of convoluted mass murder reference?
Oh, and their soccer team is getting better and better, especially up front with Blas Perez. But you probably know that. Well, you will by Tuesday night, at any rate.
We beat them at home on Friday, and held the lion share of possession and chances. But thanks for the heads up.