Phewf, if you’re an Evertonian:

Marouane Fellaini has been banned for three matches after the Everton midfielder accepted a charge of violent conduct for his clash with Stoke City’s Ryan Shawcross.

The Football Association brought the charge retrospectively after reviewing footage of Everton’s 1-1 draw with Stoke in the Premier League on Saturday.

Fellaini and Everton accepted the charge, little surprise considering the player had already apologised and his manager, David Moyes, also condemned the incident.

There was a lot of guff about a mult-game ban coming into this, because Fellaini did bad things for the entire ninety minutes. It’s all a bit arbitrary of course. Anyway, you can have fun connecting the obvious narrative dots:

  • Fellaini didn’t want to play over the Christmas holidays!
  • Fellaini wants to leave Everton so this was apparently the best way of getting her done!
  • Shawcross provoked him by being Ryan Shawcross!
  • Fellaini is evil, so you have to balance his evil against his skill, apparently!

Pick one, tell your friends!