If you were to pick one role in football in more disrepute than football governance, what would it be? Club owner? Come off it, you read Martin Samuel, they make dreams come true for the kids. Referees? They’re just abused by players, trying to do a difficult job under pressing circumstances. Player? For every Joey Barton, there is a Leighton Baines.
You know the answer. It’s inside of you. Yes. Television pundit. And, of course, that’s exactly what Sepp Blatter plans to be:
Stand aside Gary Neville, move over Alan Hansen. Despite his sometimes garbled grammar and controversial opinions, the Fifa president, Sepp Blatter, has revealed that when he finally steps down from his post in 2015 he would like to become a match analyst on TV and radio.
Given his longstanding aversion to technology, it is also unclear how the 76-year-old would fare with Sky’s studio gadgetry but Blatter said he planned to “live a dream he had when he was a young boy” and work in the media as a “radio commentator or reporter”.
When it was suggested he could become a Sky Sports pundit, he replied: “I would comment on the games but I would not say ‘now he passes right or left’ because everybody can see that on TV, but I would make my comments on tactics or techniques.”
These are officially the best three paragraphs of 2013. Could you imagine Sepp in studio for the hideous disaster of a World Cup in Qatar 2022, parping in about how England’s flat back four failed to adjust both to Morocco’s use of an in-vogue 2-5-3 with two inverse winger, a reverse striker, and a topsy-turvy defensive midfielder and the fifty degree temperature?
“You know Gary, while football can help the poor of this world, they can’t seem to help England’s right-back from following his marker properly, am I correct in this? It reminds me of what Chuck Blazer used to constantly tell me: ‘Show me the money, right now.’”
Anyway, you know the thinking here. Gary Neville wasn’t exactly well liked, and then became this hipster nerd tactics geek on TV. Well, perhaps Sepp might give it a go. And so it was written, and so it shall be done.