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Newcastle is almost certainly where good players go to flourish. Hey, that’s the consensus on Michael Owen (which, sarcasm aside, wasn’t that bad actually—30 goals in 79 appearances in all comps anyone?).

Seriously, the days of the Toon springing for Alan Shearer and Les Ferdinand and Tino Asprilla are slightly behind us now. As in, what, 1996?

Anyway, the ever-reliable news publication Sports Direct (clothing stores have news divisions now?) has done a bit of self-reporting:

SportsDirect News has learned the Magpies have already sounded out Rooney’s agent over a potential move, with United keen to offload the 27-year-old.

A source close to the negotiations told us: “Newcastle see Wayne as their ideal player.

“He’s a strong centre-forward, would relate to the fans and would be a massive boost to the club’s brand name.

“Low-level conversations have already been held between Newcastle and Rooney’s agent, though the two clubs haven’t spoken directly yet.”

Which could of course mean anything from “Wayne’s quite eager, actually” to “Sorry, how did you get this number?”

But it’s one of those moves that’s far better for Newcastle than for Wayne Rooney. A Newcastle with Rooney will finish…maybe in 11th place next season? That’s a guess of course. I guess theoretically with that en francais midfield behind him, which rocked the Premier League as they pole-vaulted Mike Ashley’s stripey-stripes to 13th place and six points over the relegation zone, the world is Rooney’s oyster.

And besides, when Bayern says no, what other option is there, really?