You’re going to get all the gooey goal memories from the Big Papers today, so I thought I would remember Beckham’s career in the way he would have wanted—via his representation in popular media. Despite being considerably good at the football—HEY REMEMBER THE GOAL HE SCORED AGAINST GREECE THAT WON ENGLAND THE WORLD CUP OR SOMETHING?—the dude was made for TV. He was Pele without all the additional skill, although he certainly looked like himself playing football. And he made a hell of a lot of assists.

He sold smoothies for Burger King!

He sold a clothing line to H&M!

He was in too many goddamn ads to name!

His name appeared in a movie title!

He had a cameo in a very naff movie about football!

He was heavily featured in the sequel which was just as awful!

He did in a touching interview with Zinedine Zidane!

He loved America!

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