So Mario Balotelli is on Twitter, which means AC Milan’s social media manager or whomever takes care of these things is now in a mad rush to set up a meeting with the player to discuss best practices, what constitutes online defamation, and why Vine cannot and should not be used by any player, ever.

We also know this is Mario (beyond the obvious fact that he’s taken photos of himself and others in the club have verified it, you party poopers) because there’s currently no avatar, and the Tweets are a disjointed mash of teenage nonsense (he’s only just out of his teens, you know).

Or are they?

While most right thinking people would question whether annotating a player’s Tweets is the best use of one’s time, this wrong-thinking person begs to differ. And so, Balo’s Tweets, annotated.

Cuckoo! A delicious pun that tells us “what time it is” (Mario time presumably!), and plays on the popular media perception of Mario as crazy. The selfie included features some empty seat behind Mario in his car, inviting us to be a passenger on the adventure Balotelli plans to take us on via his account.

Standard new Twitter user fare. We’re also introduced to Mario’s friend.

Mario in his car with an unidentified stranger! Or who is that? I’m probably supposed to know and now seem like a total idiot. Typical.

Shout out to Sean Wright-Phillips. Look! SWP in the news again! Balo’s using Twitter to connect. Gathering steam now.

The dog lover in his element. A banal selfie. This is a bit boring now, isn’t it?

An RT for a ludicrous hashtag. This is getting chummy and terrible. Already a typical player account. Dreadful news.

Friends with Neymar. Don’t see much potential there.

Thank you brother and best of luck to you. So this has all the potential of being a shit account. My prediction: a lot of deleted Tweets, perhaps some poorly translated insults, or some lame apologies for on-field behaviour. A real disappointment all around. Will need some improvement.