I saw a trailer for the upcoming Kevin Costner flick Draft Day a few weeks ago, and while it’s been described as a “drama-comedy,” the trailer seemed to lean heavily on the drama. This is remarkable for a number of reasons, mostly for the fact that the movie focuses on an event that is almost entirely ancillary to the on-field play. This got me thinking about the endless possibilities in the footballing sphere for movies about football’s lesser appreciated calendar events. Here are some pitches, free of charge.
UEFA World Cup Qualifiers Draw Day
An ensemble drama which follows the highs and lows of the World Cup qualifier draws, where we see the drama of Liechtenstein, San Marino and the Faroe Islands as they discover their possible pathway to the World Cup. Though the draw is completely random, the film will focus on draw attendees drinking coffee, taking selfies with Jerome Valcke, and checking Tinder.
An exciting sports drama which follows the highs and lows of the FA Cup winning team facing off against the Premier League champions. We will see players slowly and unwillingly train shortly after arriving back from tours in Asia and North America, and the film will culminate in a subdued team-talk from both half-interested managers asking that their players put on a good show for the fans and to make a statement about the rest of the season.
January Transfer Deadline Day
A tense drama which follows the highs and lows of Jim White’s (played by David Lynch) quest to get the scoop of the transfer window—West Ham’s £7 million move for a slightly undervalued left back at Wolfsburg. Watch as White fights through crowds of fans at Upton Park with hastily crafted signs to speak with physios out having a smoke in order to get details over whether the agent has convinced Wolfsburg to drop their sell on clause in time for the 11:00 PM deadline.
A thrilling film following the highs and lows of the opening round of Champions League group stage matches in September. Watch fans sheepishly play off lopsided results as meaningless in the scope of the entire Champions League group stage, and experience the thrill of commentators using metaphors involving the word ‘gauntlet’.
A taut, fast-paced period piece following the highs and lows of a friendly match between Sweden and Bulgaria in 1990.
MLS Combine Day
A road movie/romantic comedy which follows the highs and lows of the Columbus Crew’s performance analyst as he watches a few Major League Soccer combine drills and matches in sunny Florida on his way to falling in love with the press handler for the New England Revs. Their “meet cute” at the stadium Quiznos evokes memories of When Harry Met Sally.
Watch for cameos from Alan Gordon and Jeremy Hall playing a game of chess in the hotel lobby while a homeless man is escorted out of the bathroom.
A character study which follows the highs and lows of Wayne Rooney’s (Albert Finney) testimonial match for Man United. Featuring cameos from former Man United and England team-mates Matthew Upson, Eric Djemba-Djemba and Antonio Valencia, we witness the slow ambling play in front of a mostly filled Old Trafford and the sight of a child being allowed to score a goal.