Two Outta Three Ain’t Bad

The Jays take two out of three against the Orioles in Baltimore with their 5-4, extra-inning win last night, as my love\hate relationship with Alex Rios continues.

The lazy fuck scored the tying run in the eighth and then went on to win it for the Jays in the tenth with a solo homerun.

The Good

Believe it or not, Alex(adasical) Rios wasn’t the only impressive performer. Casey “Dirty” Janssen and Jeremy “The Saviour Of Mankind” Accardo got the jaerb done, combining for three scoreless innings in relief.

Jesus Splitter Christ, these fucks can toss ‘em.

Before this season, I never noticed how revealing body language can be on the mound. As soon as these guys get up there, you can totally read their confidence in their mannerisms and the way they warm up. I’m grateful just to have Accardo and Janssen on my team.

Kudos also go out to Matt Stairs, Frank Thomas and Lyle Overbay.

Stairs continued his recent run of power with yet another ding-dong in the second inning and even Frank “Fuck Everything” Thomas got into the act when he stroked his long, hard ding-dong in the seventh.

Also from the good news department, Lyle Overbay got over his recent string of bad luck with three doubles in the game. Over the past few weeks, it seemed as though Overbay had been hitting the ball like it was Alberto Callaspo’s wife. Finally, he found holes in the outfield and was able to capitalize on his great contact.

Oh, and for the second night in a row, Rance Mulliniks wasn’t terrible.

The Bad

Adam Lind’s hitting is as miserable as he looks in this photo. Going 0 for 3 on the night, Lind looked completely lost at the plate. When he wasn’t behind on his swing, he was taking hittable pitches or else swinging wildly at outside balls.

I really thought when Lind first came up that he’d make us forget about Reed Johnson, but the opposite has happened. I’ve always been a Reed “Dougie” Johnson fan, but his spell on the DL has made me appreciate him all the more.

According to the Jays’ website, Dougie has started swinging a bat and should be back in the lineup mid to late June.

The Ugly

On a completely unrelated to baseball note, after last night’s game and after a foosball victory over Greg Priestman, I met up with some borderline friends in Kensington Market.

I proceeded to get shit-faced and ended up speaking with three punchable kitties from the Ontario College of Art & Design. Long story short: They were complete morons.

The one piece of talent I was interested in told me about her “shocking” thesis that was filled with politically incorrect and racially offensive work. Wow, that’s totally fucking new!

When I informed her that commenting on political incorrectness was so September 10th, she got all offended and said that her teacher, who “like runs galleries in Toronto” would “like totally eat it up.” I congratulated her on her bright future of mediocrity.

The less talented members of the OCAD gang got their panties in a bunch when I told them that tattoos are only for narcissistic fuckwits. The following conversation resulted:

Dumb Cunt: “But my tattoo is of a bird on my ankle because my grandpa and I used to watch birds and I wanted to remember him after he died.”

Me: “First of all, grow some fucking cynicism. That’s the worst story I’ve ever heard. Secondly, if that’s the only way you can remember your expired gramps, you’ve got a hell of a lot more problems than a fucking ugly bird on your ankle.”

I didn’t punch any kitty last night.

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