No! That title is not a sneering reference to Cathal Kelly’s surprising inclusion of a nod to your us drunkards in his Monday live blog, because… uh… that’s actually kind of really nice*. And we, uh… maybe don’t always, uh… say the nicest… um… things… about the Star.
Truth is, I’m talking about our old friend Eric Hinske, who is currently sucking shit at baseball while trying to make the Rays. (The picture really should have given that away and, quite frankly, I’m surprised that it took you this long to figure it out.)
He spoke with Nick Cafardo of the Boston Globe about his competition, Evan Longoria, and what he’ll miss about Boston, among other things…
“That kid is phenomenal,” Hinske said. “He’s the real deal. You’re going to be hearing a lot about him over the years. I’m just hoping to fill a role, get some at-bats, and help a team like I think I can.” What will he miss about the Red Sox? “Best team I ever played for,” he said. “We had a blast. We won, we were close, and we had a good time. My bench buddy was Alex Cora, and we would dissect the game sitting there and we had a lot of fun with things. The Red Sox treated me so well. They got me out of Toronto and gave me a role. [Terry Francona] was terrific to me. I have nothing but fond memories of the Red Sox.”
Now… not only is it pathetic that he’s going to lose his job to Tony Parker’s wife, but is it just me or does ol’ Hinsk’ seem to be placing maybe a little too much emphasis on the benefits of the Sox giving him a role? As nice as it must have been for him to know he’s a bench-warming shitbag, I mean… right?
And what of these “things” he and Cora had fun with? I can’t believe Cafardo couldn’t have thrown in a follow-up, “What kind of things?” I really wanted to know!
(Thanks to reader Chris for the tip on this thing. I had a lot of fun with it.)
*Unless he’s trying to make us look impossibly lame by including a real fucking humdinger from Parkes and forcing me to refer to something as a “humdinger”. That evil rat skank fucking fucker!