Marty York Has A Source Spot

We’ve seen a few deuces from Marty York over the last year, which usually compliments the other shit stains from homeless fuckfaces who moved here from Timmins for landscaping work and literally use The Metro as their own personal Cottonelle.

Remember when the Jays were going to sign Shawn Green? Or when Josh Towers was on his way to San Diego? How about when Toronto was interested in adding Roger Clemens and Andy Pettitte?

Well, most recently, Mr. York’s sources, obviously far from reproach, are telling him that the Jays are going to fire John Gibbons and replace him with Cito Gaston in the not too distant future.

Pulitzer!

Wow! I don’t even know where to begin or how to explain the impossibility of this. The only question I can think of to ask is, what does it take to lose one’s job in Canadian sports journalism? Okay, I have another question too. What the fuck?

Now, Bergkamp has often pontificated on his theory that Marty York’s sources are nothing more than the voices in his head. However, even the voices in your head have to be right some of the time.

My thinking is that York is the constant subject of ridicule among some of the higher ups in the Jays organization, and they totally get a kick out of fucking with him. I can almost picture a suited junior J.P. getting York’s extension at The Metro. “Marty, guess what,” he says in a hushed tone while the entire office is quietly chuckling around his office. “It’s so and so from the Jays. I’m phoning to tell you that we brought Barry Bonds up to Canada for a try out. Unfortunately, he went off like a crazed grizzly bear at customs and ate four officials. We’re trying to keep this hush hush, but because of your . . . journal . . . journalistic integrity,” he almost loses it there, “I trust you with this story.”

And for those of you wondering if this story might just have some merit, and Cito Gaston might just be a good fit for this club, and girls might just not poop anything but marshmallows once a month, may I direct you to some more suitable reading material, you fantasy world living swampsquatch jockeys from Narnia.

Thanks to reader “hiscores” for taking time out of his busy schedule practicing Donkey Kong to give us the tip.

Speaking of which, have you guys seen King of Kong yet? I know that’s so two months ago, but it’s probably the best movie I’ve seen since then.

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