Robbery Suspect At-Large

One suspect remains at-large after a daring robbery and confidence scheme led Jays fans to suffer through a lost year of baseball.

The suspect, Paul Beeston, was hired at the beginning of last season on an interim basis as President of the Toronto Blue Jays. As part of his duties, Beeston was tasked with finding a full-time replacement. After dithering around the entire season, showing a reluctance to make any real decisions about the baseball club, including the future of its former general manager, J.P. Ricciardi, Beeston announced yesterday that he will be taking the job on a permanent basis.

The move essentially wastes the time of Blue Jays fans who followed the team through a mean-nothing season in which a mediocre record coupled with a complete lack of security for anyone in management to try to improve the team left fans more disillusioned than any other season of baseball in recent memory.

Beeston, looking like an undead Roy Orbison with rosy cheeks, is known for his immense verbiage and possible lack of socks. Please approach cautiously. If cornered Beeston may attack with hours and hours of justification for his permanent position.

Anyone with information about the outstanding suspect is asked to call police at 1-888-579-1520 ext. 5355 or Crime Stoppers anonymously at 1-800-222-8477.

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