Howdy. Let me begin by apologizing: I’m sorry.
Now, let me continue by getting a couple things off my chest: Fuck. Shit.
As you may have heard, I’ve got a shiny new Buzz Lightyear over at The Score to occupy my time, and as such, I’ve been neglecting my duties over here. Don’t worry though, this place will always be my Woody.
Don’t be such a sicko. I’m referring to my long, hard Woody doll, from Toy Story, you goddamn perverts.
Anyway, I thought I’d make a gesture to prove that while I may be spending a lot of words over at the new workplace, my heart still belongs to this crooked cave of the internet.
As such, allow me to point out a recent article written by a hyperbole drooling Yankees fan who points out that in the film Damn Yankees, a Washington Senators fan sells his soul to the devil just to have his team beat out the Yankees. The writer then asks, “How many . . . Blue Jays fans would be willing to do that today?”
Well, I’ll do you one better. The Blue Jays are not in the playoffs this season, and as much as I pretend to like the Cincinnati Reds, I really have no rooting interest. However, I will sell my soul to the devil in exchange for merely having the Yankees not win the World Series.
Satan, take my soul, do with it what you must, just don’t let those fucking Yankees win. I know you’re only the devil, so I understand if they get past the Twins, especially considering that we’re making this pact as the Yankees already sit 2-0 up.
But oh dark lord, my soul is yours if you stop the goddamn Yankees. Hoof Mark Teixeira in the throat, claw that arrogant fuck Alex Rodriguez, force A.J. Burnett to start. Do whatever you must. As long as the Yankees do not win the World Series. My soul awaits.
See you in hell,