Howdy. Let me begin by apologizing: I’m sorry.

Now, let me continue by getting a couple things off my chest: Fuck. Shit.

As you may have heard, I’ve got a shiny new Buzz Lightyear over at The Score to occupy my time, and as such, I’ve been neglecting my duties over here. Don’t worry though, this place will always be my Woody.

Don’t be such a sicko. I’m referring to my long, hard Woody doll, from Toy Story, you goddamn perverts.

Anyway, I thought I’d make a gesture to prove that while I may be spending a lot of words over at the new workplace, my heart still belongs to this crooked cave of the internet.

As such, allow me to point out a recent article written by a hyperbole drooling Yankees fan who points out that in the film Damn Yankees, a Washington Senators fan sells his soul to the devil just to have his team beat out the Yankees. The writer then asks, “How many . . . Blue Jays fans would be willing to do that today?”

Well, I’ll do you one better. The Blue Jays are not in the playoffs this season, and as much as I pretend to like the Cincinnati Reds, I really have no rooting interest. However, I will sell my soul to the devil in exchange for merely having the Yankees not win the World Series.

Satan, take my soul, do with it what you must, just don’t let those fucking Yankees win. I know you’re only the devil, so I understand if they get past the Twins, especially considering that we’re making this pact as the Yankees already sit 2-0 up.

But oh dark lord, my soul is yours if you stop the goddamn Yankees. Hoof Mark Teixeira in the throat, claw that arrogant fuck Alex Rodriguez, force A.J. Burnett to start. Do whatever you must. As long as the Yankees do not win the World Series. My soul awaits.

See you in hell,
Dustin

Comments (200)

  1. The article said they are discussing between a best of 3 and 1 game playoff

  2. Buck Martinez doing the broadcasts on playoff games is a blue jays fans’ personal hell.

  3. If it means they are in the playoffs, the Jays could have Ginger Campbell back broadcasting and I wouldn’t give a shit.

  4. As an atheist; on the question of selling my soul to the devil to beat the Yanks – I’d happily sell my soul for a six pack of Tim Bits. To beat the Yankees, I’d be willing to sell something much more important – and real – like my cache of 18 year old single malt.

  5. im really hoping the rangers will the world series, give them some added revenue and pressure to resign cliff lee, thus fucking the yanks over and forcing them to either resort to a much lesser starter on the FA market, or fork over a significant chunk of their farm system for another pitcher (including jesus montero)

  6. Anybody watching the phils-reds?

  7. Here

  8. Howard deserves 0 hits.

  9. I think the next round will be “better baseball” This round has been full of errors and shit umpiring.

  10. Hate to say it, but Joey Votto is having a horrible series.

  11. And now it’s over.

    Does anybody really look like they can beat the Phillies now? Two shutouts against the most potent offensive team in their league, and while their offense was a bit shoddy, they don’t look like they’ll need to score too many runs to win.

  12. How do you know that? Where’s the article?

  13. The Yankees offense is on a completely different level from these teams….I’m sure they will give the Phillies trouble if they play.

  14. I dont know Theo, the most potent offensive team in the National League is probably equivalent to an average to above average offensive team in the American League. If they meet the Yankees or the Rays in the World Series, I believe their pitching will be sufficiently challenged.

  15. The answer isn’t adding more playoff teams. That’s what has alway made baseball unique, getting to the playoffs actually means something. In my opinion, the flaw is the unbalanced schedule. Teams don’t need to be playing teams in their divisions 18 times a season. Balance that out and get rid of interleague play and the playing field will level significantly.

  16. I’d agree with this, it seemed the Reds couldn’t hit anything offspeed. SSS and I didn’t watch game 2, but they really didn’t play like a dangerous offence. Of course the braves and giants aren’t exactly juggernauts either. (Diaz, Conrad, Agonz, Ankiel, Ross, Fontenot, Burrell, Uribe all started game 3 of the nlds….)

  17. the big downside now that tampa and texas have gone 5 is that price or lee wont face the yanks 2 times unless they go on 3 days rest and pitch game 2. it seems the stars are aligning for them once again. thanks twinkies for being a complete joke of a team.

  18. I feel your pain with the Twins getting swept in the LDS two years in a row. However, they did win 94 games this year, albeit playing in a weaker AL Central. The Yankees are tough to beat this time of year. They’re an experienced playoff team and you pretty much have to play flawlessly to beat them in October, they won’t beat themselves. Minnesota is a good team, but they still make too many mistakes on defense for a playoff team, and that’s what has killed them the past two years, in my opinion.

  19. I am really getting sick of the toronto creampuff media constantly blowing overbay’s dick. griff actually said some team will offer him 4 years 40 mil?????? he will be lucky if he gets a 1 year deal at 5mil. there are simply too many options out there for cheap first baseman. I fucking hope the overbay era in toronto is OVER.

  20. The twins went 47-25 vs the AL central, and 47-43 vs everyone else. Against the AL-east they went 15-21, their only winning record was versus baltimore. They got exactly what they deserved, an ass-whooping.

  21. this is fucking hilarious, grove is old spice man.

    http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/yah

  22. Typical Selig, rather than address any of the pressing, obvious issues with the game, he’s gonna throw out another playoff spot or two. He really does do the barest minimum as commish. Whatever, I can’t deny that expanding the playoffs would mean that they are a reasonable goal for the 2011 Jays.

  23. Burnett is pitching game 4:

    http://mlb.mlb.com/news/articl

    Oh, happy day!

  24. welp, this blog is dead!

    but for realius, i’ve been checking here, GROF and Tao for days, and all i’ve gotten was a one-sentence post about entertaining a father-in-law.

    can someone make-up some blue jays related shit?

    what do you guys read for jays related turds? I usually stick to tao and GROF for some good TO analysis, and the drunks always come through with the link dump.

  25. What do you expect? It is the off-season for the Jays. You might be able to scrounge something from the list of links on the right.

  26. Agreed. Typical lazy North American pop culture bullshit. Rather than address the issues, let’s just make it easier to make the playoffs by adding more slots. Baseball is going to be like hockey and basketball in another 10 years.

  27. Blue Jays season ending party!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v

  28. I am definitely monitoring the Braves game… it will be interesting to see the effects of Bobby Cox’s “pep talk” on Brooks Conrad. I recall Wilner saying that Cox’s record in reaching the playoffs is more impressive than Gaston’s two championships. (Gag!)

    I look forward to hearing and reading more sycophantic horseshit of that sort after ol’ Bobby fails to whip his team past this bloody quarter-final.

  29. Nope. With Beeston and Anthopoulous in charge, the Jays ’90s lameness is purely after the manner of Electric Circus. Embarassment Toronto-style!

  30. Rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for pancreatic cancer, or praying for big oil.
    I have no idea what these assclowns would do with an 85-77 season. Their heads would explode.
    There’s character in sticking with a shitty team for 10+ years, not unlike staying in a bad relationship, because you know despite the pot belly and the armpit-stained wifebeater, he’s a really swell guy who means well and just hit some hard times at the factory right around the time Bud Selig took over.

  31. MLB Rumors. It’s the place where this blog pilfers it’s links. You can get them there first (RSS feed will send you Jays-only content. Right now, the Jays related turds concern rumors about managers).

  32. Gibbons is interviewing for the Pirates manager’s job.

  33. Speaking of Electric Circus. I once sat next to Nadine that used to host that show at a ballgame. She’s actually a pretty big baseball fan. Much prettier in person than on TV too.

  34. Okay????? So did you slip her the salami or what? Because if not, who the fuck cares.

  35. Fuck the braves and fuck the tomahawk chop. I’ll never forget Gruber giving the chop in 92 scoring from 3rd base. Fuck off Atlanta and good riddance.

  36. FINISH THEM!

  37. Well, Bobby Cox – together with your brilliantly-motivated boy Brooks Conrad, y’all choke in your final inning. A chopper to third…

    BEATEN AT THE LAST BY THE HAIRIEST OF THE BEACH BOYS…

  38. YES, suck it Atlanta.

    I am not impressed Bobby Cox. Sure you made it to the post-season a shitload of times, but you could only seal the deal once.

  39. Fuck them. Fuck that old coot, also.

  40. Way back on a cold night in late December 2007, I was driving along highway 10 going north from the Lakeshore towards my condo by Square One. The roads were very snow covered and I had to throw it in to 4wd. I pased quite a few cars that were stuck in the snow, I didnt give a shit until a saw a little hottie trying to flag me down. Needless to say I pulled over and asked her if she needed a lift home. She said she had called her boyfriend over an hour ago and he promised he would be there asap, but hadnt heard from him since. I could only assume that the prick must have got his little tuner car stuck at the foot of his moms driveway. Anyway, Chantal, which was here name, climbed in the passenger seat of my Cherokee, and we headed north. We pulled in to a Timmies drive thru and grabbed some coffees. I pulled the Jeep in to a snow covered spot in the parking lot so we could enjoy our coffees. I must say, I hadnt really had the chance to “check her over” until now, but she was sweet. She had a tight little body with a very modest chest. I was engaged to my girlfriend of 5 years at the time, and was very torn as to how to proceed with this opportunity. After half an hour of listening to her complain about her boyfriends lack of attention I decided to go in for the kill……………Stay tuned kiddies.

  41. hinskes streak is over, he wont go to 4 straight world series with 4 straight teams..

  42. Chantal started telling me how her boyfriend (Malcolm) had been ignoring her for some time. She continued bitching about him for at least 20 minutes when I finally stopped her to ask why she would put up with his hit. She stopped talking, took a long breath and started to cry. She would go on for at least 10 minutes about how Malcolm had cheated on her, and how he was not dependable. At this point I felt she would be an easy score. I would go on to tell her how a beautiful girl like herself deserved a better boyfriend than Malcolm, and how I would never treat a girl that way. It was at this point that I decided to make my move. Stay tuned Kiddies

  43. Ok, I am shocked that noone mentioned this earlier.

    In regards to the initial post. I hate to say that selling your soul to the devil isn’t gonna help, the Yankees, their players, owners, front office, managers, bat boys, weiner cookers, beer venders (well maybe not them) all of them have already sold their souls to the devil.

    I disagree with people on here. I think Tampa has a much better chance of beating the Wankees next series. They have much better (other than Cliff Lee who would only be available for one game anyway) pitching, and their lineup isn’t that much worse than Texas’. Still, I think this is the Phillies’ year. And I’m alright with that. Let Halladay win his ring (cause I still love him) and then they can go back to that shit-hole of a city and, hopefully, not be heard from again.

  44. shut the fuck up you loser, no one come on here to hear your stupid romance novels. this is a baseball blog

  45. All MLB has to do is get rid of the divisions. Have a balanced schedule with the top 4 teams from each league makes the playoffs. 1 plays 4, 2 and 3 play. Why is this so hard?

  46. Techguy= brown

  47. Oy, vey!

  48. ‘Cause division rivalries are so much fun!

    (Also, 18 Yankees-Red Sox games per year are absolutely fucking massive for revenue as well as T.V. ratings)

  49. here are how the divisions should be

    AL West

    AL Central

    AL East – toronto, tampa, baltimore

    Cash Division – NYY and Boston

    ny and boston will then play each other 162 times and every game televised on espn.

    there you have it 4 playoff teams. it’s so simple it’s brilliant!

  50. Why does everybody think that Rogers has to be so fiscally responsible? They could outspend Boston and NY and not blink an eye. The time for this “we can’t spend with the big boys” fallacy has got to come to an end. They are one of the richest corporations in North America but like to act like the poor little boy on the playground.

    I don’t care about the Vernon Wells contract or the BJ Ryan fiasco. It means nothing to Rogers bottom line going forward, especially given the piddly payrolls they’ve sold us on the past few years.

  51. Holy fuck, Richard Griffin in his latest mailbag was still ripping JP for not picking Joey Votto. That draft was almost a decade ago (2002 draft) and JP’s first one. I mean, let it go, Richard. JP is gone now so call off the dogs. Seriously, it was the 2002 draft. It’s over, it can’t be changed, the team has a new GM who is going to invest in young players.

  52. I’m all for them spending it! But I don’t want it spent in the wrong direction. Please no more splashy signings just to get attention.

  53. I knew I should’ve gone for that fuckin flush

  54. Rogers is a publically owned company, they didn’t buy the blue jays as a fancy toy to fool around with.

  55. http://www.beyondtheboxscore.c

    If only baseball instituted a balanced schedule…

  56. nobody cares, you waste of space

  57. TECH GUY WAS SHE A FAT CHICK I LIKE FAT CHICKS…..I LIKE TO RIDE THEM LIKE A SCOOTER

  58. Go Rangers. I hope Tampa implodes tonight.

  59. wow the rangers score a run on only 1 hit. when was the last time the jays did that? when are the jays going to finally get a true leadoff man that can steal bases? gardner, ellesbury, crawford, see a pattern there?

  60. Gose projects to be that type of player. Hopefully we get somebody before that though.

    PS. The Jays scored on only 1 hit a shitload of times this year.

  61. I’d like to see the Rangers win, but I hope it is a good game (no implosions).

  62. the jays have mastrionni down in AA. the guy is a good basestealer. I dont know why AA is keeping him down there. let’s see what he can do. having wise as your 4th makes no sense.

  63. That is 2 very horrible throws by Hamilton in this series

  64. I’m hoping that we see a change in organizational culture and get a few more rooks up next year. Hopefully we get a good look at our options in March as well.

  65. Shit, I didn’t know Buck Martinez would be the analyst for the game..

  66. this texas team has some big balls tonight

  67. fuck lee is dealing. if the yanks sign lee, it is going to be lee vs halladay in the ws for the next 7 years. god help us.

  68. I was watching steven seagal lawman and ss was shooting a bullet inside a bullet hole. It’s like lee can hit the same spot as many times as he wants. I really wish the jays would go after lee. they were already going to pay similar money to halladay so what is the difference? they have a tonne of money coming off the books and half the contract would come after well’s contract expires so they could do it if they were really trying to compete.

  69. Fuck you Rays. Looks good on you.

  70. Longorias hair could star in a sequel to Joe Dirt.

  71. I actually analzed this as a blog post. They can’t quite afford to outspend the Yankees, but they can at least match the red sox

  72. This blog is just a shadow of its former self.

  73. Bill Simmons on Jose:

    “Two weeks ago, I posted the following tweet: “Whoa! 54 home runs for Jose Bautista. Tied for 19th all-time. Nobody from 1962 to 1996 hit that many. I’m still buying it. Like his swing.”

    ESPN’s Jeff MacGregor noticed that tweet and turned it into a column. I loved his angle: He was saddened that a fellow writer felt obligated to let people know that he was “buying” Bautista, like this was some sort of controversial stance. And really, it shouldn’t be. Watch this video of Bautista’s home runs: no suspicious opposite-field cheapies, no lazy fly balls that kept carrying, just bomb after bomb cranked to left field. He’s a dead-pull hitter blessed with quick hands. He blossomed later than most. I am still buying it.”

  74. Griffin’s male bag today does a solid for our Ginger Jamie Cumball. Take a look. It ends with this sentence: “Campbell was already a keen baseball historian…” which means, he is the epitome of *geek*.

  75. I really like texas’ chances in this series. Looking at it from a worst case scenario. Assume texas loses the first 2. You then have Lee in game 3. So they win that and they are down 2-1. Then you have AJ in game 4. They could easily win that one. That would make it 2-2. Assume they lose game 5. Then you still have CJ wilson in game 6 or you can come back with lee on 3 days rest. Your chances are still good. Now if texas can split the first 2, then they have a good chance of taking the series with lee pitching 2 of the next 5.

  76. Overbay on Jays fans booing him, “It’s like- what’s your agenda?”

    GM AA, please don’t re-sign this guy.

  77. RIP Drunk Jays Fans….

  78. They’re interviewing managers . . .

    Hello . . .

    Hello . . .

  79. After i’m signed as the new manager of the Red Jays I will personally send a spring training invite to Jose Ortiz because he is the man.

  80. this blog is incredibly disappointing. one of the most important times of the baseball season and the writers are off frolicking at thescore.

  81. I guess Parkes finally fucked off.

  82. Just shut it down….

  83. I have 2 wishes. 1 that Dave Martinez becomes the Jays next manager, and 2…that the operators of this site wake up from their hangover and create a new post.

  84. Say…..does anybody know of a good forum where one can go to discuss all things Blue Jays?

  85. You’re joking, right? This is a Blue Jays blog. Their season is over. Logically, it is not the most important time of the baseball season. If you want to read Jays news, go to MLB Rumors.

  86. MLB Trade Rumors dot com

  87. Dave Martinez is going to interview with Toronto. This is a good thing (especially after Wallach was denied to the team).

  88. You shouldn’t mock. You logic is wrong. This is an important time of the baseball season.IT”S THE PLAYOFFS. Next is the world series. The Jays are looking for their manager.
    As an aside,this blog has traditionally had 50 posts or so per month.

    Also yearly…
    2007-682 posts
    2008-777 posts
    2009-765 posts

    Looks like in 2010, they will be hard pressed to hit 500.

    Stoeten and Parkes have taken their blog and turned it into (high?) paying jobs at The Score.
    Congrats to them.Hopefully their search for a new poster for game threats will allow for other postings by that person.

  89. Dear nerd,

    There are many other, reliable sources that are reporting on the Jays in this, their off season. I find it odd that readers are relying in this blog when, to repeat, there are other venues available from more credible sources (from journalists with formal training and qualifications other than a scam Comm degree from Karleton or gas station experience.)

  90. So apparently Luis Rivera didn’t get the Blue Jays managerial job:
    http://www.unionleader.com/blo

    Why I would share that on a non-functioning blog? Who knows!
    Old habits die hard I guess.

    R.I.P.

  91. can you losers calm down ,its been like LESS THAN A WEEK since the last post, you all sound like miners trapped underground or something

  92. its been 7 days

  93. Does anyone else think that the axe body spray smelling douchewads at “the Score™” told Parkes and Fatboy to 86 this place thinking that we would all go flocking to “the Score™” blog?

  94. the Score™

    Can you smell what the Rock is cookin’?

  95. Go over to Parkes’s blog for a bit. Needs some commenters, though there already is one sad sack troll.

  96. The Score’s blog format is an eyesore. I’ll browse over there, but it functions usefully as a Twitter feed or a link dump, things I’m capable of establishing on my own. I know how to Google and read a Twitter feed, thanks.

  97. I won’t browse over there.

  98. sn1 is now available on bell. not that it matters much now unless you want to watch international beach volleyball or regionally blacked out hockey. i don’t know when it came online i was just browsing a few days ago and noticed it. thought i’d share some useless news.

  99. do you want to sell you soul to have money contact me now at +2347033547811

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