This afternoon over at Getting Blanked, Parkes posted a thoroughly enjoyable takedown of some intellectually bankrupt tool from the New York Daily News, replacing the name “Jose Bautista” in John Harper’s lazy Damian Cox impression of a piece of shit with “Curtis Granderson,” the Yankees’ surprising slugger– who we spoke with Ken Davidoff about on the latest episode of the Getting Blanked Podcast!– about whom nobody is whispering moronically.
In the comments of Parkes’s post it was pointed out that Harper’s is hardly the only piece of “gotta ask the question” nonsense spinning out of control from the minds of the laziest of shitty hacks from across the sportswriting universe.
Witness Kirk Minihane of Boston’s WEEI, who lists his top ten hitters in baseball, and gives the following explanation for placing Bautista fourth:
“I’m sorry, it’s hard for me to look at Bautista’s career numbers before and after 2010 and not come to the conclusion that something else other than adjustments in his batting stance and a new attitude might be the reason he’s hitting home runs at this pace. Total baseball McCarthyism, I understand, but this is the real world. But the facts are the facts: The guy has hit 73 home runs since the beginning of the 2010 season and no one else has more than 49 (Paul Konerko).”
Yes, genius. Jose Bautista is the only player in Major League Baseball to have found an undetectable amazing steroid that turns ordinary ballplayers into superhuman baseball Gods without causing any physical changes, and whoever is supplying it to him refuses to sell it to anybody else, Bautista won’t give any to his countless shitty teammates, and he just fucking happened to start taking this magical drug that– again– whatever shady motherfucker he gets it from, for some incompre-fucking-hensible reason refuses to sell to anybody else, at exactly the same time he made noticeable changes to his swing.
That’s probably exactly what the fuck is going on.