To be blunt, “moron” does not do justice to the raging fucking dumbfuck buffoonery spewed for fifteen minutes into a microphone by Max Kellerman during the second hour of Tuesday’s edition of his Los Angeles radio show with former NFL defensive lineman Marcellus Wiley. (Starts at the 15 minute mark.)
Nor, frankly, does it do justice to anybody who thought it was a reasonable idea to put this fucking clown on the radio, pretending like an asshole that he has some kind of “expertise” on the symptoms and effects of steroid use because he can read the Baseball Reference page of a player who was mediocre for a few years and then got really good.
And how does he demonstrate that “expertise,” you ask? By calmly reading numbers from Bautista’s Pirate days, then going verbally shit ape as he reads his recent numbers.
BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES SOMEONE A GOOD BASEBALL PLAYER IS STEROIDS, EH, YOU FUCKING SIMPLETON?
“When the only thing that changes is production,” he says, referring to the fact that he has head so far up his ass that he doesn’t know that Bautista’s swing has dramatically changed from the time in Pittsburgh, “then you have to start asking questions.”
“Everyone is doing mental gymnastics to explain why Bautista has suddenly become Jimmie Foxx,” says professor dipshit, who apparently hates it when people go to the trouble of actually, you know, thinking. Why??? Why would you bother thinking about something when the answer is right there in your face: anybody who unexpectedly gets really good at something is a cheater, and anybody who doesn’t see it the way Dr. Max Kellerman, PED, does is some naive dupe or an apologist for the game.
“Those are steroid numbers,” says this astonishing fuckface. “It reminds me a lot of what everybody was saying about Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa when they started hitting home runs.”
Hey, and that’s totally a fair comparison– y’know, as long as you’re a fucking piece of shit and willingly forget that those two were hardly the only suspected PED users at that time, that they weren’t drug tested, and that Mark McGwire used to look like fucking this!
“If the fact is that he’s natural, then it’s not fair to Jose Bautista and I apologize, I’m sorry. I think it’s a 5% likelihood.”
Jesus, Kellerman, are you really this fucking dumb? Sure, there’s a chance that anybody is on some kind of performance enhancer, but– well, for one, anyone who thinks that turning a mediocre baseball player into a Hall of Famer is a simple as a couple injections obviously is too dumb to know jack shit about the subject to begin with. For two, to act like it’s just this one guy who can get the magical stuff, who can beat the tests, who can do it without any perceptible changes to his body type, and– as I’ve said way to many times already– started doing it at the exact same fucking moment that he made changes to his swing?
Just so incredibly stupid. I wish there were some kind of test for brain cells, because I’d love to see this moron fail.
Oh, wait… I think there actually might be!