awesome joke pulled by Yankee (or perchaps Red Sox) relievers on Amy K. Nelson preposterous ESPN The Magazine story about how the Jays supposedly stole signs using a man in white in the Rogers Centre outfield, totally got away with it, then either stopped or got really bad at it, is making some serious waves around the internet. As I write this, it’s the top story on ESPN.com.
And while I’m sure we’re all busy buying white shirts and tickets in centrefield for the next Yankees series at Rogers Centre (no, seriously… do it!), and rushing out to start Twitter accounts for the man in white– like @JaysFanInWhite or @TheManInWhite1– let’s take a few moments to enjoy how the part of the internet that isn’t me has responded to this preposterous horseshit.
Dustin Parkes His Ass Above Amy Nelson’s Face and Shits Down Her Throat
OK, so the pun I’ve used for the heading here might be slightly over-the-top, but over at Getting Blanked our friend Dustin Parkes has his own epic take-down of the most ridiculous article I’ve ever seen (this week). And when he turns his hat around, it’s like a switch.
“It’s pretty hard to use a single season’s worth of data to prove very much at all. It becomes even more difficult to take the supposed findings of an article seriously when the data that’s being provided is being manipulated with words to the degree that it is in this piece,” Parkes concludes. “As we read through the anecdotes that begin the article, which range from the words of an angry reliever in the bullpen to broadcasters noticing the use of multiple signs, it reads to me as though the writers heard the anecdotes first and then went to the data to back up what was being suggested.”
Please Never Trade JP Arencibia
It’s absolutely impossible not to love the way that JP Arencibia came out guns a-blazin’ on Twitter– you can follow him at @jparencibia9. Personally, I have a soft spot for his multiple use of the #clowns hash tag, though I’m pretty sure the rest of the country is going to find his last one the most endearing– and for damn good reason. Nails!
“Just read the dumbest article on ESPN about us getting signs? I’m hitting 200 and we get signs at home, that makes sense? #clowns”
“Teams/pitchers need to accept when we kick their ass in the rogers centre n not give excuses… Looks like we had verlanders signs #nohitter”
“What’s next? Man on CN Tower edge walk was seen relaying signs to bluejay hitters.. #clowns”
“That’s y I love hockey… Say or do something stupid #dropgloves #pro”
Dirty Fucking Tweeters (and Commenters)
Some more gold from Twitter:
“Yankee players recall seeing the same man in the same Rogers Centre seat multiple times — in sports we call that ‘a season ticket holder.’ ” – @RGriffinStar
“Have all the jays batters come out to The Sign by Ace of Bass” – @JustinCNS
“John Buck: Slugs 43 pts higher on the road, 33 pts of Avg. Guess they don’t flash signs to potential FAs.” – @TaoOfStieb
“The Jays stealing signs? Oh no! How unfair for an AL East team to have an advantage other than being able to just buy all the best players!” – @DownGoesBrown
“Oh baby when you talk like that You make a woman go mad So be wise and keep on Reading the signs of my body” – @SHAKITA_T … Wait, what?
“If the Jays really wanted to hide a guy in the outfield to steal signs you’d think they’d disguise him as an empty seat.” – @DHSpeedwagon
And from the comments on the post below:
“Signs of trouble around Amy Nelson?: An in-depth analysis… Look, I’m not saying that a hack like Amy Nelson had sex with her superiors at ESPN to get this job. I’m not. I would never make such a bold accusation. But it appears that a lot of unnamed sources around baseball believe this might be the case. Not only that, but if you look at the stats – based on previous hack journalists who cherry-pick stats to fit pre-determined conclusions – a statistically significant number of them slept their way to the top of the journalism world. Am I saying for sure that I know Amy Nelson did? All I’m saying is, there are signs of trouble around Amy Nelson based on prior statistical analysis of shitty journalism trends, and a lot of vague unnamed sources are telling me a lot of things that I can’t divulge, but absent of any proof let’s just float that suspicion out there: Amy Nelson may or may not be being accused of fucking half of the ESPN office in Bristol, CT. She couldn’t be reached for comment, but one unnamed source said it was ‘probable’. ” – Matt English (@Mattomic)
“Kevin Gregg, Vernon Wells, John Buck, Lyle Overbay, Scott Downs, Alex Gonzalez, Fred Lewis, Shaun Marcum, Jeremy Accardo and Dewayne Wise unavailable for comment. ” – James [And don't forget AJ Burnett and Marco Scutaro!]
“The next day, the players who had seen the man in white headed to the field early. One stood in the batter’s box while another stood on the mound. From the batter’s box, it was clear the man in white had been perfectly positioned just above the pitcher’s head so that the batter would not need to move his own head, or even alter his gaze, in order to see his signal. ‘It’s premeditated,’ said one of the AL players, “as if the guy was a sniper trying to find the best position to make a shot.”
“This is fucking bullshit. The spot above the pitcher’s head is occupied by 2 fucking closed off black tarp sections. It’s not possible for the batter to receive these so-called signs without having to ‘even alter his gaze’.” – @NorthYorkJays
And Now, A One Act Play Submitted By Commenter “Amy Nelson’s Dad”…
ESPN Editing Room
“Amy, says here you submitted a story about a MLB team stealing signs to hit more HRs”
“Yes, sir that’s correct.”
“Do you have ANY conclusive evidence to support these wild accusations?”
“Well, uh…you see–”
“Does it slander the RedSox, Phillies or Yankees?”
“Oh. Why actually, no, it doesn’t.”
“Ok then, run the story. And while I have you here, how ’bout a quick blowjob?”
- Two: Parkes is compiling notes from the Alex Anthopoulos “this whole thing is stupid” media scrum that is going on as I type. Check it out at Getting Blanked.