The kind of sign stealing I think we all can get behind.

So this awesome joke pulled by Yankee (or perchaps Red Sox) relievers on Amy K. Nelson preposterous ESPN The Magazine story about how the Jays supposedly stole signs using a man in white in the Rogers Centre outfield, totally got away with it, then either stopped or got really bad at it, is making some serious waves around the internet. As I write this, it’s the top story on ESPN.com.

And while I’m sure we’re all busy buying white shirts and tickets in centrefield for the next Yankees series at Rogers Centre (no, seriously… do it!), and rushing out to start Twitter accounts for the man in white– like @JaysFanInWhite or @TheManInWhite1– let’s take a few moments to enjoy how the part of the internet that isn’t me has responded to this preposterous horseshit.

Dustin Parkes His Ass Above Amy Nelson’s Face and Shits Down Her Throat

OK, so the pun I’ve used for the heading here might be slightly over-the-top, but over at Getting Blanked our friend Dustin Parkes has his own epic take-down of the most ridiculous article I’ve ever seen (this week). And when he turns his hat around, it’s like a switch.

“It’s pretty hard to use a single season’s worth of data to prove very much at all. It becomes even more difficult to take the supposed findings of an article seriously when the data that’s being provided is being manipulated with words to the degree that it is in this piece,” Parkes concludes. “As we read through the anecdotes that begin the article, which range from the words of an angry reliever in the bullpen to broadcasters noticing the use of multiple signs, it reads to me as though the writers heard the anecdotes first and then went to the data to back up what was being suggested.”

Please Never Trade JP Arencibia

It’s absolutely impossible not to love the way that JP Arencibia came out guns a-blazin’ on Twitter– you can follow him at @jparencibia9. Personally, I have a soft spot for his multiple use of the #clowns hash tag, though I’m pretty sure the rest of the country is going to find his last one the most endearing– and for damn good reason. Nails!

Just read the dumbest article on ESPN about us getting signs? I’m hitting 200 and we get signs at home, that makes sense?

Teams/pitchers need to accept when we kick their ass in the rogers centre n not give excuses… Looks like we had verlanders signs

What’s next? Man on CN Tower edge walk was seen relaying signs to bluejay hitters..

That’s y I love hockey… Say or do something stupid

Dirty Fucking Tweeters (and Commenters)

Some more gold from Twitter:

“Yankee players recall seeing the same man in the same Rogers Centre seat multiple times — in sports we call that ‘a season ticket holder.’ ” – @RGriffinStar

“Have all the jays batters come out to The Sign by Ace of Bass” – @JustinCNS

“John Buck: Slugs 43 pts higher on the road, 33 pts of Avg. Guess they don’t flash signs to potential FAs.” – @TaoOfStieb

“The Jays stealing signs? Oh no! How unfair for an AL East team to have an advantage other than being able to just buy all the best players!” – @DownGoesBrown

“Oh baby when you talk like that You make a woman go mad So be wise and keep on Reading the signs of my body” – @SHAKITA_T … Wait, what?

“If the Jays really wanted to hide a guy in the outfield to steal signs you’d think they’d disguise him as an empty seat.” – @DHSpeedwagon

And from the comments on the post below:

“Signs of trouble around Amy Nelson?: An in-depth analysis… Look, I’m not saying that a hack like Amy Nelson had sex with her superiors at ESPN to get this job. I’m not. I would never make such a bold accusation. But it appears that a lot of unnamed sources around baseball believe this might be the case. Not only that, but if you look at the stats – based on previous hack journalists who cherry-pick stats to fit pre-determined conclusions – a statistically significant number of them slept their way to the top of the journalism world. Am I saying for sure that I know Amy Nelson did? All I’m saying is, there are signs of trouble around Amy Nelson based on prior statistical analysis of shitty journalism trends, and a lot of vague unnamed sources are telling me a lot of things that I can’t divulge, but absent of any proof let’s just float that suspicion out there: Amy Nelson may or may not be being accused of fucking half of the ESPN office in Bristol, CT. She couldn’t be reached for comment, but one unnamed source said it was ‘probable’. ” – Matt English (@Mattomic)

“Kevin Gregg, Vernon Wells, John Buck, Lyle Overbay, Scott Downs, Alex Gonzalez, Fred Lewis, Shaun Marcum, Jeremy Accardo and Dewayne Wise unavailable for comment. ” – James [And don't forget AJ Burnett and Marco Scutaro!]

The next day, the players who had seen the man in white headed to the field early. One stood in the batter’s box while another stood on the mound. From the batter’s box, it was clear the man in white had been perfectly positioned just above the pitcher’s head so that the batter would not need to move his own head, or even alter his gaze, in order to see his signal. ‘It’s premeditated,’ said one of the AL players, “as if the guy was a sniper trying to find the best position to make a shot.

“This is fucking bullshit. The spot above the pitcher’s head is occupied by 2 fucking closed off black tarp sections. It’s not possible for the batter to receive these so-called signs without having to ‘even alter his gaze’.” – @NorthYorkJays

And Now, A One Act Play Submitted By Commenter “Amy Nelson’s Dad”…

ESPN Editing Room

“Amy, says here you submitted a story about a MLB team stealing signs to hit more HRs”

“Yes, sir that’s correct.”

“Do you have ANY conclusive evidence to support these wild accusations?”

“Well, uh…you see–”

“Does it slander the RedSox, Phillies or Yankees?”

“Oh. Why actually, no, it doesn’t.”

“Ok then, run the story. And while I have you here, how ’bout a quick blowjob?”

Aaaaaaaand… scene!

Late Additions:



- One: Have a listen for the article’s co-author Peter Keating this afternoon at 4 PM ET on @timandsid. You can listen live here.

- Two: Parkes is compiling notes from the Alex Anthopoulos “this whole thing is stupid” media scrum that is going on as I type. Check it out at Getting Blanked.

Comments (66)

  1. Maybe it’s just me but I find the references to Amy Nelson sleeping her way to the top pretty offensive.Yes yes I get that they’re jokes and yes yes I know what site im on but I think you’re better than that.

  2. Love it.

  3. I can’t believe she Slept her way into the job at ESPN. Crazy!

  4. I can’t wait to see a guy in all white in CF tonight doing this:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v

    Also, how did a character from The Fountainhead get a job at ESPN?

  5.  What I have learned most from all this? Is that Amy Nelson hates Gypsy cab drivers

  6. aj burnett + beiber = this

    http://www.nydailynews.com/spo

  7.  I agree, the statement “Journalist Amy Nelson got where she is from sleeping around” is pretty offensive. It’s mostly offensive to journalists, to have to be lumped together with Amy Nelson.

  8. So are they accusing Devon White of stealing signs?

  9. Amy Nelson is a dirty whore and fucked her way to where she is today. I don’t think she even knows what baseball is. Fucking stupid cunt, trying to make a name by slandering Canadians *herp derp* cause that has never been done before.

    What a dumb slut that needs to die.

  10. Oh man, you are totally gonna get LAID tonight for that one!

    Seriously though, Matt’s comment brings that stuff up precisely because it’s entirely unfair– that’s his point.

  11. And all you Torontonian fucks better start wearing white to every game. Otherwise you are shitty fans and not capitalizing.

    Sincerely,

    Manitoba

  12. That’s not very nice.

    She appears to be shitty at her job, but that’s about it.

  13. I think the Amy Nelson stuff is fair… I would love to see her go head to heard with a reasonably informed sports fan in stat trivia…. Call that whatever you want…. If I got a job writing at Cosmo and people wanted to question my knowledge of female makeup and why I got the job, go ahead, it comes with the territory…

    The point is, that Amy just accused the Jays of cheating without having the journalist integrity to come up with some evidence… She probably didn’t even look for any….

    I fuckin’ hate to reference Mike Toth, cause he’s legally retarded but “There are no female sportscasters that I can think of that have more knowledge than their male counterparts.”… Again, I hate Mike Toth, but I would bet he was right about that…

    Oh ya, and did I mention I hate Mike Toth..

    • I very much doubt it. BTW: that other thing you mentioned is aclaulty a very good idea. Might do just that but not mentioning it here as it’s a Work in Progress

  14. throw at a-rod’s head next time the yankees are in toronto.  then they’ll have something real to cry about instead of this bs

  15. amy k nelson is a fucking whore

  16. I didnt mind Mike Toth.  Rambling on every morning on ‘the bullpen’ about the anti depressants he was taking.  Also, how bitter he was that the two blondes stole his primetime connected spot.  He was entertaining at least to listen to.

  17. Amy K. Nelson is such a hack it’s ridiculous. She’s no better than a college news intern. Way to cherry pick the few supporting statistics to help promote the (probable) Yankees reliever who wants to head-hunt Mr. Bautista. 

  18. not that I’m supporting Amy Nelson here, she’s probably a filthy cunt,  but you guys do realise she only co-wrote the story, right?  Fucking sexists, no better than Toth.  Lol.

  19. Hey Manitoba. Hard times lately, I know – what with Saskatchewan kicking the shit out of you in economic development and threatening to make you the smallest prairie province. I know your house floated away this spring, but really, considering what your daddy did to you in there, its just better to let go.

  20. TOTALLY! HIGH FIVE! 

    But seriously, I think it’s the cheap and easy joke. 

  21. Dude is so pissed you can hear it in voice cracking.

  22. Speaking of, you can hear her co-writer, Peter Keating, on Tim and Sid: Uncut at 4 PM ET.

    http://radio.thescore.com/live

  23. “The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.”

  24. The Jays need to give out white t-shirts next time the Yankees are in town.  Have a nice promotional give away.

    Also, throw at Jeter/A-Rod.

  25. Great stuff though.

  26. whats better? wearing all white with a sign that reads:

    a: for hire
    b: one side hand with one finger down, other side with two finger down?

    one will be on a bristle board from Shoppers this lovely evening

  27. I hope Tim & Sid will attack him.

  28. What boggles my mind, if this was really happening, why didn’t whatever team whose relievers saw this tell their traveling secretary’s assistant to videotape the guy and the scoreboard and send it to the commish’s office…

  29. Here, I’m gonna write an alternate article:I’ve been told by unnamed members of the Blue Jays Organization that the Yankees have a person in the stands stealing signs. Looking at the information, its easy to see that this could be the case. The Blue Jays hit the most home runs in the MLB in 2010, and they hit 56.8% of their home runs at home. The Yankees hit 57.2% of their home runs at home. Seems a little suspicious to me. The Yankees OPS at home is .832, the Yankees OPS on the road in 2010 was .742.Mark Texeira’s 2010 home/road OPS splits: .968/.728Derek Jeter’s 2010 Home Road OPS splits: .790/.633A-Rod’s 2010 home/road OPS splits: .920/.790While this all seems circumstantial, when you put the numbers together everything seems to fall into place.I assume ESPN will be sending me a job offer any moment.

  30. I like what AA had to say in his press conference, but a little surprised he held one for this.

  31. Good plan, but how do you get 2/3 of the crowd to put them on over their pinstripes?

  32. Do both!

    And bring binoculars.  

  33. No.  You can’t bash the Yankees and work for ESPN.  That is impossible.

  34. The first thought I had. 

    But I think you can get enough Jay fans down in the 100′s.

  35. i found the man in white!

    http://tinyurl.com/3l33yyd

  36. http://stealofhome.wordpress.c… Seems to pin point the team in the article.

  37. I went to Youtube, and watched about 25 HR of Bautista/Lind/EE/Wells, and a lot of them you see the OF, just to the right of the back drop, and you see no one dressed in all white.

    Couldn’t ESPN do something that simple?

  38.  So Law points us in the direction of a blog that may be the correct team. However wasn’t that the first series? didn’t Bautista suck? so why would they yell that?Is Rios perhaps the real rat? And I’m still not convinced that the April 26th 2010 game would make more sense.

  39. That might require “work”.

  40. before:http://stealofhome.files.wordp

    after:
    http://stealofhome.files.wordp

    sorry, i went to grab a beer in the 8th *facepalm* 

  41. Moose Musk!!!!

  42. Looks like Bautista’s long lost brother.

    Could be him!

  43. And also wasn’t the series that the hack from Chicago started writing about how Toronto should have a baseball team?

  44. Good detective work by the writer.

  45. Rios would go public after leaving Toronto if this took place.

    Rios left on bad terms.

  46. Naa. It is not offensive, you must be on the wrong site. 

    Wait until the ‘ManInWhite’ Bobble head day and the’ sea of jizzz errr.. I mean sea of white white.

  47. Baustista has said it was the White Sox as well

  48. Call me crazy, but if the Jays spent the last two seasons stealing meaningful signs at home, shouldn’t they be better than 19 games over .500 during that time?

  49. Both Jenks and Putz were in the bullpen. and probably the two most vocal I would imagine.

  50. This is just a big conspiracy for stupid hack writers to have an excuse to give the MVP to a Red Sox and try not to sound like complete mother fucking idiots.

  51. where can I find the AA press conference?  Someone link me, please?

  52. peter keating is going to be on primetime in 10 minutes.  just saying

  53. He is on Sid & Tim now.  

    Talking out of his ass.

  54. Which player(s) was a white sox last year and a yankee this year?  Is there anyone? I’m too lazy to go look up the stats. 

    Somehow the yankees must have got tipped off about the potential sign stealing, presumably at the beginning of this year from a former white sox player joining their lineup, or maybe from someone who is friends with someone on the white sox, or maybe a red sox/yankee and white sox player played winterball together or work out together in the offseason?

    Either way, when the Yankees found out, you’d think they would set up a camera or something to prove what they’d heard was correct, right?  If they didnt find any conclusive proof, (and then had bartolo colon and whoever the second pitcher was a few weeks ago shit the bed on back to back nights and give up a fuckload of runs) then maybe they got tired of trying and passed the info off to ESPN in hopes that they could find some proof.  They obviously didn’t find any or we would have seen the video already, so wtf? I just dont get it.

    ESPN has been working on this story for several months or possibly more than a year, and you know damn well they wanted proof so badly.  You know they fuckin staked out the rogers centre for ages and tried to find the man in white tipping signs.  What I really dont get is why when they found no proof they still decided to run the story?  That’s not fair, is it? That’s not responsable journalism, was it?  Heads need to roll.

  55. That’s not responsable journalism, IS it?

  56. lolumadbro?

    Jets back? Best team CFL? Floodway that trashed the houses of country dwelling hicks that don’t live in Winnipeg?

    I’m here to talk about sports, primarily the Jays. So you can take your redundant political and economic jargon and shove it up your ass. Now get back on topic, and stay there you fucking ignoramus.

    • Ahah! I return after some pltciruaarly innebriated ramblings to discover more luverly stuff, well worth closing the one eye and straining to focus on the return key..Bravo the Spine! *hic*JB

  57. I’m here to talk about sports, primarily the Jays

    Nice try. Because I’m the one that started this with “all you Torontonian fucks better…“?

    I never said I had a problem with Winnipeg or Manitoba. I’ve probably spent more time in beauty spots like Whiteshell and Grand Beach than you. Thanks for playing, you cowardly fucking hypocrite.

  58. Yes, all you Torontonian fucks should go to the games dressed in all white and ‘steal signs’, if I lived there you could bet our balls I’d be there. You gotta show em that we won’t let this kind of crap get to us, and that we’re going to throw it back in their faces with a horde of belligerently drunk sign stealing fans dressed in white.

  59. Having listened to Peter Keating on @timandsid, I’ve got to point out
    that @AmyKNelson is taking an undue amount of shit up here– Keating has
    a good amount of ownership of the piece too.

  60. Actually, the Jays hitters come out to Five Man Electric Band – Signs

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v

  61. Fuck off

  62. YA FUCK OFF OR ILL PUNCH YA IN DA MOUTH!!! GIRLS ARE STOOPID WONT TALK TO ME SO DONT BE NICE TO THEM OR I’LL GIVE A SHOT TO DA TEETH!!!!

  63. Lots of hits today, Stoeten.

    Do you guys know Nelson?

    Did the Jays expect anything else than a hit piece from ESPN once the latter deigned to recognize them as being a MLB team?

  64. Not my pretty teeth, anywhere but my teeth

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