If the writers who came up with the laughable pile of horseshit that appeared today at ESPN could kindly take Joe Girardi’s cock out of their mouths for a moment, I’d like to take a minute or two to make sure we’re all clear that they are both a couple of fucking turd-brained imbeciles.
Amy K. Nelson and Peter Keating tell us they have some troubling “evidence” to suggest that the Jays may have been stealing signs. The Jays.
Opposing players say they’ve seen it happening! Jays players sometimes hit home runs at Rogers Centre! Um… also… ahhh… ummm…. go Yankees!!!!
Holy shit, with that kind of evidence against them the Jays must be stealing signs! That’s crazy!
I mean, never mind the fact that Jays must be so fucking terrible at cheating that they’re just 28 and 27 at home this year. Never mind that they’re so bad at cheating that they were fucking no-hit at home this year by Justin Verlander. Never mind that their team OPS at home (.770) is a whopping 11 points higher than the .759 OPS visitors to the Rogers Centre have put up. Clearly, these intrepid reporters have got this sizzling loaf of story locked down: chickenshit anonymous shitbag relievers claim they saw a man in white signalling pitches at the Rogers Centre to Jays hitters, so… case closed, right?
It makes too much sense!
And it’s probably why Jose Bautista is such a piece of shit hitter on the road, compared to when he’s getting all those signals from the “man in white.” A 1.030 OPS outside Rogers Centre and just 17 of his 33 home runs? Pffffft. And I believed in you, Jose!
Ohhhhhhh, but wait! The pair of shitstains is talking about 2010! Um… right?
Sure, they refer to incidents in 2011 involving visits from the Yankees and the Red Sox, and they tell us that “last September” the whispers “started to gain momentum in the mainstream media,” which was taking place “as ESPN began investigating the sign-stealing allegations” (which– along with the fact that we’re four months into a new season, and that the number crunching required here isn’t exactly rocket surgery– kinda suggests to me that their “analysis” probably has a lot of 2011 in it). But the statistical “evidence” they provide is all based on 2010– when the Jays did experience a surprising spike in their power numbers at home… which has since normalized (their .230 home ISO last year is down to .182 in 2011– rather similar to the .180 they put up in 2009, no?)– so that must be the year they’re talking about!
And… I guess maybe what that means they’re suggesting is that the Jays got the brilliant idea to start stealing signs in 2010, and since that went so fucking swimmingly as to rocket the club to a completely fucking expected fourth place in the AL East– the thirteenth best record in baseball!– they decided to keep doing it in 2011, even though Dwayne Murphy was the only holdover from the coaching staff. And also they somehow got even worse at it.
Oh, but they’re still doing it! Don’t kid yourself, you fucking homerish, blind-defenders of everything the Jays do! Your team is still totally stealing signs– totally– they’re just really, really bad at it now.
I mean, that must be the case, otherwise the only explanation I can come up with for this abortion of an article is that the Worldwide Leader employs the kind of fucking morons who’d haplessly fall for conspiracy theories about every single outlier season ever in the history of sports– and that just can’t be! ESPN wouldn’t employ a pair of complete proposterous fucking hack clowns and actually publish whatever mealy shit that dribbles from their keyboards’ assholes, would they???