With apologies to Justin Verlander and Jose “I’m sure as hell not the same at home after that ESPN Mag sign-stealing story” Bautista, Jennings has been the best player in either league since Tampa brought him up. – Bill Simmons in his latest MLB mail bag back-and-forth with Jonah Keri at Grantland.
Oh yes, Bill. Smile your smug fucking shit-eating grin as you attempt, through sheer force of bloated ego, to run full-steam three weeks late– presumably to maintain the hilarious charade of your credibility as a non-company man– into the horseshit ESPN wagon-circling around Amy K. Nelson and Peter Keating’s shittiest cheaters ever story– you know, the one with a statistical argument more full of holes than the dead corpses of pop culture references that you fuck the shit out of constantly as the foundation of your tired shtick– with a salvo so fucking asinine it would make a Bleacher Report writer blanch.
The story was published on August 10th. In the first four games after it, all at home, Bautista hit .308/.500/.538 with a home run, good for a 1.038 OPS. He then went on the road and put up a line of .471/.667/1.000/1.667 in six games, with a pair of home runs– because I guess now that the jig is up at Rogers Centre he only gets his super special extra secret help on the road, right???
Oh, but then we have smoking gun! After the Jays came back from Seattle and Oakland, Bautista hit a measly 208/.345/.542/.886 with two more home runs– an OPS around that of what Albert Pujols, Jacoby Ellsbury and Mike Stanton have each put up on the season. WHY HAVEN’T THEY KICKED THIS FUCKING OBVIOUS CHEATER’S SORRY ASS OUT OF BASEBALL ALREADY, EH DICKHEAD?
I know, I know, judging by its tone the piece is clearly attempt at some kind of a hackneyed lighthearted larf of a zany goof. But even so, people believe this horseshit. One imagines that they might even assume that the most famous working sportswriter in the fucking world would actually take the two seconds necessary to see if the numbers backed up his off-hand agreement with an article that pushed right up to the line of calling the best hitter in baseball a cheater, then backed off like a cheap shit high school essay test answer. It’s kind of astoundingly goddamned lazy and ridiculous– and therefore, I think, an exquisitely worthy entry into The Book Of Moron.
Hat tip to friend of the blog– well… some of us– @Chris_Hamm for the link.