From a National Post article on how to maximize your ballpark experience:

“Never get beer from scrawny dudes who are walking up and down the aisles with beer because they never have ice in their buckets. You get warm beer from them. … Get it from the ‘more athletic’ beer salesmen.” — Dustin Parkes, Getting Blanked blog

Yell at the opposing players. Tell them that they have moustaches even if they don’t have moustaches. It’s the ultimate insult.” — Andrew Stoeten, Drunk Jays Fans blog

When not involving us being kinda ridiculous, there are lots of great tips in the piece, actually.

Comments (53)

  1. TRUTH!

    “Don’t do the wave. Especially if it’s two outs in the 8th inning and you’re trying to watch a crucial at bat, don’t stand up and flail your arms in front of the person behind you who might actually be interested in the baseball game.

    • Sounds like the sushi eater mentality from the ACC…Don’t make any noise, don’t cheer…
      If you do’;t want to miss a pitch, stand up as the wave goes by, everybody else is. If anything the SkyDome needs more atmosphere, not less.

      • The wave is not atmosphere…it’s just stupid.

      • The thing I hate most about the wave isn’t that people do it, it’s that people do it because they aren’t paying attention to the game and 90% of the time the wave is done while the Jays are LOSING. If it has to be done, it should be when the Jays are winning.

        • The wave is purely a product of 18-year-old guys having a few beers, and desperately seeking the attention of the two girls a few rows up. It’s pure attention seeking. Full stop.

          If you want attention, make it productive and cheer for the Jays or boo the opponent. The Wave is not productive. It is only for those who are disinterested in the game.

      • The wave isn’t half as bad as all you jaded fucks try to make it seem. It impairs your view for all of 3 seconds.

    • When I read the wave comment, I was kicking myself for not including it. Thing I hate most about going to a game.

  2. I am sure Jay Jaffe would take exception to your quote Stoeten lol

  3. I’m going to the games vs. the OriLOLs on the 13th and 14th, and work has commenced on my sign that will read: “Nick Markakis your fu manchu looks ridiculous shave that fu manchu”

  4. I was looking for some of your guides the other day, but couldn’t find the guide to sneaking down?

    Has this been removed, if not, do you have a link to it?

    • Also, it was a pain in the ass to find the guides. I would google a guide I remembered, then it would take me to the old DJF and then redirect me to the DJF home page here, not to the guide.

      You should have the guides on the right on of the page or something…

      • the guide to sneaking down:
        #1: 3 or less ppl – too many peeps is a sellout
        #2: walk down. if u get stopped (doesnt really happen) say you are getting wings or liquor
        #3: dress like u can afford to sit behind homeplate.
        #4: act like u belong down there. ie dont cause unneccessary attention to yoirself
        #5: if an usher comes near you, make small talk. see #4

        signed loyal ticket buyer who cant afford 30+ games in solid seats

        • I got the Fan Pass this year, but I have to go in gate 2, so it is the ramp straight up, which sucks.

          I remember the guide said something about saying you are getting Kosher Hot Dogs if you get stopped on the ramp down or heading into the 100s. I have said that, even though I’m not Jewish, but it works every time.

          When I sneak down, I like sitting in the corner sections, like 113. Way less people, usually those sections have like 5 people in them, and great spot to do heckling. However, the usher sometimes comes and asks to see your ticket, because they know no one sits there…

          • The Gate2 ramp goes down too. I use it all the time with 500s tickets…if they give you hard time, tell them you’re checkin out the Jays Shop

          • Take a kid and tell them you need to use the elevator to get to the 500s. If you don’t have a kid or don’t feel right grabbing one on the way, go with the fake limp, which makes the elevator a necessity.

  5. Sort of relevant.

    Has anyone heard if Rogersondemand is going to stream live games again like they did for part of last season?

    • I looked the other day. I think you need to subscribe to cable to get the jays channel.

      • If that’s true then its stupid and annoying. The reason I watch the games on my computer to begin with is because I don’t have cable and I imagine most are in the same boat.

        • It can be any rogers acct … wireless, internet. You can get an acct # from a friend and set it up with your email.

  6. Some funny ‘sky is falling’ stuff over at this Yankees blog:

    Reminds me of what it was like over here when the Jays didn’t sign Darvish.

    • Loved this nugget:

      Jimmy McNulty says:
      March 31, 2012 at 3:04 pm

      Fucking stupid trade. Took away one of the best young hitters in baseball and traded him for and injury prone piece of shit.

      • Yep, Yankees pitching is destructing itself, the Red Sox have Boobi Valentine to lead them into oblivion, Bay Rays will struggle to score runs….hey all the Jays have to do is walk through the door! Go Jays

  7. “As for his tips, Godfrey advises families to arrive at the games early to catch batting practice, giving kids a chance to meet with players…”

    Um, what? Ya if you want to see the last half hour of the visiting teams cage. Tried this many times and have never seen the Jays hit, let alone been able to meet a player. It’s fucking disgraceful if you ask me.

    • Yup. Ever since they changed their bp time. They used to have it closer to game time. Sounds like Godfrey hasn’t been around the park in a while.

    • Agreed. I have been there 2 hours before a game & not seen the Jays hit. The only way to do it is to go to the Arriba restaurant in the hotel & watch the Jays batting practice from there.

  8. Whoa, Stoeten

    Which one of your drinking buddies wrote that NP story. It’s basically just you, shithead Parkes and Drew.

    Back in the day it was called logrolling. That’s when hack journos would run items promoting each others stories.Which, you did here.

    If you want to do that, fine. It doesn’t help your credibility any.

  9. Beautiful comment on the mustache Stoeten. I actually thought about someone calling me a mustache man, and got all goddamned raged.

    Cant make Bob’s Opera House for the opener, but my mullet will be soaked with booze wishing I was there.

    PS. Next time give me better notice, and you’ll never party with a wilder Jays slut.

  10. Wow, how old is that picture. Not sure you’d even see the sky much less the dome from that angle if you took it now.

  11. How To piss off the Right Fielder 101:

    * “Hey Swisher, get off your knees, you’re blowin’ the game” *

    * “Ichiro, how’d that Japanese porn parody you starred in called “Hello Klitty” work out ?”*

    * “Hey Rios. Fuuck youuuuuu!” *

  12. “Never buy from scalpers!”
    Huh? I’ve only attended about twenty Rogers Centre/Skydome games in my life, mainly because I live in Vancouver. However, I’ve bought tickets from scalpers at least 6 or 7 times and as far as I can remember the results were all pretty good. Have I just been lucky?

    • Hey Chris if you’re around for the opener and need tickets, I gotta pair here right behind second base. They cost me a fortune but I’ll let ‘em go for $250.00

  13. Look at the picture of Lind on the Sportsnet website today – what’s with his tattoo? It looks like he got it done by some hack for $20. Surely he can afford to go to an actual tattoo parlour.

  14. Sounds like McGowan is starting the season on the DL. No big surprises there.

    • The second start for the 5th guy in the rotation will be around May 3. If McGowan only gets 150 innings, then a later start for him will mean his wins come later in the year against AL East rivals, not the early wins (see what I did there) against Oakland or Seattle. He’ll be fine

  15. Spring Training Reg Season
    Team Year W L Pct W L Pct
    Florida 1997 26 5 .839 92 70 .568
    Boston 1998 20 8 .714 92 70 .568
    Kansas 1999 22 9 .710 64 97 .398
    Los Ange 1999 21 9 .700 77 85 .475
    Baltimore 2002 20 9 .690 67 95 .414
    Oakland 2001 22 10 .688 102 60 .630
    Arizona 1999 22 10 .688 100 62 .617
    Houston 2002 19 9 .679 84 78 .519
    Texas 1998 21 10 .677 88 74 .543
    California 1996 21 10 .677 70 91 .435
    Baltimore 1998 18 9 .667 79 83 .488
    Detroit 1996 20 10 .667 53 109 .327
    Arizona 2002 23 12 .657 98 64 .605
    St. Louis 1997 21 11 .656 73 89 .451
    San Diego 1998 19 10 .655 98 64 .605
    TOTALS 315 141 .691 1237 1191 .509

  16. Interesting lineup by Farell today. Wouldnt be surprised to see this lineup on opening day. He has EE hitting 4th instead of lind. Got to say though, this team needs another bat to hit cleanup. I dont like EE or lind in that spot. Theyre both way too inconsistent.

  17. Speaking of quotes.
    Bautista on the show “Blue Jays up close”
    “you never stop learning about the game”

  18. Jason Stark has predicted the Jays will win a wild card.

    …so there’s that..

  19. Also there are rumours in the Boston media that Andrew Bailey may start the season on the DL..

  20. I sure hope the team “tells” GM AA they are ready. I really want to see what how aggressive he would or would not be when the time comes for improving down the stretch run.

    Would it just be smaller rental players that will be free agents or guys with 1+ years of control? What types of prospects will he be willing to move? We’ve seen that the Jays don’t mind taking on salary in a trade, so we know that is definitely possible.

  21. To add to the quotes of the year, I read this in the comments about a month ago, I’m way to lazy to quote it verbatim so here is the jist of it:

    “Hey Stoeten, when are we going to organize another right field shit show so we can insult each other face to face and tell Nick Swisher how bad his mother is in bed?”

    +1 to whoever wrote that gem

  22. Gammons quotes a GM as saying AA is the most creative GM in the game.!/pgammo/status/186557309613375488

  23. I have to say I was disappointed to see that the milb at bat has no lite option to get stuff for free like last year. I’m definitely not buying it. I am against putting things behind pay walls after they have been free in principle.

  24. I hate those fucking towel waving fans. Keep that shit for the post season.

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