Instead of pissing and moaning, as usual, I would love be writing a post today about how the Jays have finally devised a sensible plan for limiting the tendency of fans at Rogers Centre to provoke multiple mini-donnybrooks in the upper deck during home openers. Shit, I’d even love to say that there probably really isn’t anything close to resembling a perfect solution to this problem– and let’s be straight, while this is admittedly a blog that isn’t unfriendly to the drink, we’re also fervently against dumbass violence, and the kind of moronic behaviour that incites it, so yes, these Opening Day Dickheads are, indeed a problem.
Unfortunately, today I have to write a post about how the Jays, as usual, have devised a solution with all the elegance of Roger Clemens getting shot in the ass with nandrolone in the SkyDome hotel– and none of the usefulness.
As reported by Colin Freeze of the Globe and Mail, at tonight’s home opener, if you had the misfortune of being broke-, cheap-, or late-enough to only be able to sit in the 500s, you’ll be limited to getting just one beer at a time from the beer carts that are already a giant clusterfuck during sellout games.
Not only is the measure fucking pointless– most of the problem drunks at the game are getting hammered before-hand, or by way of the flask, not on the obscenely-expensive brews available at the Dome– but it punishes the people who want to enjoy the game while drinking responsibly. These folks, the vast majority of attendees, will now be forced to miss giant swaths of action while waiting in ginormous beer lines– they won’t even be able to alternate trips between friends, because your friend won’t be able to pick up one for you in the third, and have you return the favour in the fifth.
And… frankly, the more I think about it, the more exasperating it is that they actually think this is going to do anything but bog down the beer lines for responsible drunks, and make them frustrated as fuck about the whole experience. Way to piss on the hand that feeds you, Jays!
I mean, the beer situation at the Rogers Centre is already ridiculous in too many ways. The price. The lack of local microbrews– including the one that’s right fucking next to the damn building. Shit, even the fact that, at their most lenient, they allow you to bring just two back to your seats. I would gladly– gladly– give the security staff and the police at the games a lot more power to eject drunks in exchange for a little more respect for people who demonstrate they can behave like adults.
Because, let’s be honest, that’s the actual issue here. The lack of adequate security, and Rogers’ apparent unwillingness to bring in people who might have a prayer of stopping a fight before it gets started.
The police, at least, seem to have the right idea.
“Toronto Police say there will be a stepped-up security presence inside and outside of the Rogers Centre,” Freeze writes. “‘There will be additional officers to ensure public safety,’ says Constable Tony Vella.”
Do we really need more than that? Do we need to create a clusterfuck at the beer lines, frustration and outrage among patrons missing the game due to inadequately-available alcohol, and the knowledge among fans in the 500s that– if not this year, certainly next– you’d better get your drinking on before-hand if you’re going to want to actually watch the whole game?
Is this dog and pony show not, maybe, going to create an atmosphere that’s more conducive to fighting, rather than less? I hope not, but I wouldn’t bet against the notion. And I wouldn’t doubt that, as far as the club is concerned, looking like they’re doing something constructive is more important than actually doing it. That’s really the most frustrating thing about it.
For those of you planning on braving the lineups, Ian Hunter has an awesomely-handy map of all the Rogers Centre booze carts at the Blue Jay Hunter. Of course, there will be beer guys walking the stands, if you can get to them.