Dustin Parkes’ 26th Dream

I had a dream last night. That’s not all together uncommon. Human beings have dreams. What is uncommon, at least for me, is that my dream last night should be so vivid in my memory this morning. I’m not one to remember my dreams, which is pretty great for my friends, because they never have to tolerate boring stories about my dreams.

So, please understand that it’s rare for me to write about my dreams. In fact, it’s only the 26th dream that I’ve ever remembered in my life, and it’s the first I’ve ever bothered to share with anyone else. That’s partly why I ask that you indulge me here with reading about my 26th dream.

Anyway, in my dream, I was laying in bed with my bedroom set like it normally is except for a large mound of rope on the floor. It was the type of rope I would imagine to be common in shipping yards or the type used to tie up a mythical giant: big, a dirty yellowish colour with some oil stains soaked into the braided fabric.

It coiled from the mound, and led out my bedroom door. I can’t explain the reason behind the motivation in my dream, but I felt compelled to follow this rope, to see where it originated or concluded, for I did not know which end of the rope was in the mound on my bedroom floor.

I left my room, and followed the rope out of my house, down the street, then down another street. Everything in my neighbourhood was normal, except for the giant rope that laid dormant on the ground and seemed to go on forever. Other people walked by the rope, but they didn’t seem to notice it. They carried about their business, walking their dogs, shopping for groceries, parking their cars, without giving much thought at all to the giant rope.

But I followed the rope. And I kept following the rope. It led me out of my city, out of my province, out of my country. It led me to places I had never been before, but I couldn’t experience anything that was happening around me because finding the other end of the rope was the only thing for which I was capable of thinking.

And the longer I followed the rope, the more my motivation turned obsessive. In my dream, an incomprehensible amount of time passed by, and I still searched for the other end of the rope. At the beginning of my sojourn, I had an idea of my surroundings, but as I continued following the rope, I lost track of where I was. Everywhere was the same to me. India was China, the Arctic was the Pacific Ocean. There was no difference in land, custom or culture. There was only the rope.

As I followed the rope, I aged considerably. But such things that would normally be of concern to a human were of no importance to me. However, I did feel myself eventually growing weaker in my pursuit. I had slowed down in my search. At this point, my resolve to find the other end of the rope continued to grow but my strength to actually fulfill my compulsion was inversely proportional.

Eventually, the power I used to fuel the other parts of my body began to shut down so that I could focus only on the rope. When I lost my sight, I clutched onto the rope and continued to follow it. When I lost my hearing, I clutched the rope tighter and continued. When I lost my ability to use my legs, I pulled my useless body along the rope, one sinewy reach at a time.

As I neared death, my grip on the rope began to fade. At this moment, I felt no concern for mortality or what awaited me in the afterlife. I only felt anguish at not being able to find the other end of the rope.

And then it happened. I reached the other end of the rope. And though I could not see or hear, and my calloused and rope burned hands could not feel anything, the purpose of the rope was somehow communicated to me in a way that would only make sense in a dream.

This was the amount of rope afforded Adam Lind by the Toronto Blue Jays organization to not only bat fourth in the lineup, but also be on the team as something more than a bat to be used off the bench against right handed pitching.

Adam Lind went 0 for 4 last night with three strike outs, batting from the clean up spot.


Comments (133)

  1. Thank you. Well done. May the hopeless flailing stop soon.
    Please also let Sniders injury be Minor. That he comes back continues to progress with his swing, and continue to mash. Then this whole debacle can end in late June when Bautista goes to 1B, Lind to the bench and Snider to RF.

    • Why do people think Bautista belongs at 1B? One of his most useful assets is his throwing arm and that is completely wasted at 1B.

    • Snider to LF. EE to 1B, Thames to DH

      • thames to DFA

        • Great idea! third best hitter this year, OBP .333, average OPS, one of the best on the team this year though, and hitting almost .300. Yeah DFA this piece of shit immediately. productive hitters have no place on this team.

      • EE to 1B? So he can then start to stress about defence again and stop hitting like a machine? Fuck off.

        • If you actually believe that’ll happen… take your own advice.

        • But seriously, with standard small sample size warning, here’s what EE has done in 2012:
          as 1B — 1.018 OPS
          as DH — 1.042 OPS

          In 2011:
          as 1B — .800 OPS
          as DH — .855 OPS

          If you want to pretend there is a statistically significant difference there, go right ahead, but it’s a load of shit.

  2. one piece i’m interested to know here though:

    isn’t there an aspect to all this lind trouble that is complicated by the question: “who would play first base?”

    and no, the answer is not “Encarnacion”.

    short of a trade, are there very many options?

    and does this start to make it look like maybe the jays should have addressed this in the off season?

  3. This…. this is perfect.

    • I concur. Great story, great twist! I think I’d be OK with Lind remaining at 1B if they just stopped trying to force him to be some masher when he’s clearly not. Let him hit eigth and stop hating his life and he might settle into something slightly more useful, or at least trade-worthy until they can find a suitable full time replacement.

  4. Talk about self-indulgence. A storify bit on nothing but your own tweets? Sad, and annoying.

    • And yet you commented on it. Saness X 2.

    • Its interesting that Mitch Moreland of the two-time defending AL champs Texas Rangers doesn’t get the same amount of grief. Bur Parkes is right. Lind has been a giant suckhole in the lineup this season. Having him hit cleanup only exarcerbates the problem.

      But other than signing some guy named Prince Fielder, I don’t know what else the Blue Jays were supposed to do at 1B?

      The club needs to begin the process of converting Bautista to 1B by the end of 2013. The emergence and promotion of either Snider or Gose should cement Bautista’s defensive role to 1B. Who gives a fuck about his arm. Getting to fly balls is still a pretty damn important part of the job description.

      • It’s not so awful having Moreland in the lineup when you also have Kinsler, Beltre, Cruz and Hamilton … not to mention Napoli and Young. Holy shit, they’re good.

        • Very true. Which illustrates how Lind is not the sole source of concern in the Blue Jays lineup.

          So long as Farrell continues to glance at his roster and continues to see Lind’s name as an available 1st baseman, he doesn’t have much of a choice but to play him against RHP.

          I doubt that AA will spend gazillions to get a first-division starting 1B. Converting EE to 1B like right now and Bautista by next season makes the most sense.

          I would rather see the Jays address other holes in the lineup, either through trade for a big bat or via a successful and sustainable Snider promotion.

          Lind has to go though. Farrell will be tempted to write his name on the lineup card against RHP. I don’t know why, but Lind has that effect on managers.

        • And Andrus to some extent as a table-setter/basestealer/defensive whiz

    • Don: Storify is a tool, and so are you.

    • It was written well. Just a little light on baseball content.

    • umm its Dustin’s blog buddy..thats the point his opions and his wrtting..more impact than just saying lind needs to go

  5. the only thing keeping Lind on first is the 5 million he’s owed this season and next. I wish the Jays would just eat this mistake already. 2 million dollar buyout can’t come soon enough

  6. For a while I didnt know where you were going with this dream but this was well written and hilarious

    • The article was posted under “Adam Lind” and centralized around rope – How did you not see where it was going?

      • In Josh’s defence, in my RSS reader, I don’t see the categories that a post is under, so didn’t know it was poster under “Adam Lind” until I came to the actual site to read the comments.

  7. i had a dream as well. wasn’t about rope, or adam lind, or inane commentary that has been beaten to death by the same schmucks who have nothing else to talk about.

    it was about coming on this site and finding something other than parkes lame attempt to sound like mccown; and not in the good way. we get it, he sucks. even when he was good(ish), he sucked. i’d rather hear stotes post something of semi-merit than your verbose garbage. this city already has enough blowhards, instead of adding to the douche sports commentary via shitty analogy dreams how about not writing anything?

    but if you insist on writing drek, save it for your tweets you twit.

  8. If/when Snider gets over the wrist injury, it makes SO much sense to move EE to 1B, Snider to LF, and Thames/somebody else to DH. Too much sense, almost.

    Farrell said a while ago that he thinks 30-40 games is a good time to re-evaluate performance and shake things up if necessary. Lind ought to be the first to go.

  9. Well done Parkes! Might be the best blog article I’ve read this year.

  10. The problem isn’t Lind, the problem is Farrell treating Lind like Prince Fielder (batting cleanup everyday) instead of treating Lind like Mitch Moreland (batting in the bottom 3rd vs. RHP, on the bench vs. LHP).

    Adam Lind deployed in Mitch Moreland-like fashion is adequate, if not useful, for a contending ballclub.

    • the reality is, that once the brass comes to terms with the fact that Lind is not the middle of the order bat they believe (?) he is, he is no longer a useful player at all.

      Texas can hide their weak 1B bat because they have premium bats at other positions, so having him hit bottom 3 is no problem.

      jays don’t have that luxury, they need a 1B who can be a middle of the order bat. Most teams do. So as soon as they realize, hey maybe we need to drop Lind to 7,8,9, they might as well just release him, because he’s offically useless

      • “Texas can hide their weak 1B bat because they have premium bats at other positions, so having him hit bottom 3 is no problem.

        jays don’t have that luxury, they need a 1B who can be a middle of the order bat.”

        I’m actually not sure that I agree with that. We’re no Texas Rangers yet, to be sure, but we’ve got good bats at a number of defensive positions: Rasmus in CF, YEscobar at SS, Johnson at 2B, etc. The way AA is building this lineup, we likely won’t need to rely on “power at the corners.”

        • Josh Hamilton is significantly better than Rasmus.

          kinsler is signficantly better than Johnson.

          Andrus will be better than escobar and is probably there now.

          Napoli over JPA, Beltre over Lawrie, Cruz can hold is own but bautista has him beat there… i hope.

          • I’m not sure what you were trying to accomplish there, as you’ll notice I even said “we’re no texas rangers yet.”

            My point was just that this team appears to be headed to a place where it can get above average offensive contributions from all around the diamond, thus not relying on 1 or 2 positions to provide the offense.

          • ya the texas player is better than the same position player on the jays even cruz against the mvp best hitter in mlb for 2 consecutive years. oh and you didnt mention the pitching. and for some strange reason both teams have zero world series championships in the last 10 years. supposedly the championship is the only thing that counts. it is a team who wins it all. i will take a clutch hitter anytime over a high avg guy.thames was batting over 300 with 3rbi/2 hr.no thanks pull yer head out of yer ass

  11. I feel responsible for your dream . I commented on DJF yesterday about how Adam Lind has enough rope to last a fuckin lifetime. coincidence?

    This post is perfect. and you know what the sd part is? I like Adam Lind, I defended him him in 2010, I defended him last year, but I can’t do it anymore.

    What kind of message does this send players in the organization? Have one great year and bat clean up for 2 years after! Players in the minors riding buses, working on mechanics and routine, anything to get an advantage.

    EE to 1B, start letting Thames take ground balls at 1B too but DH for now, Snider to LF,

    Lind, trade or pinch hit vs rhp.

    the end.

    • I actually thought of your comment when I started reading this and made some lame joke in my head like “Parkes has a longer rope then Adam Lind” then quickly realized where this article was going…

      Still, it got a laugh out of me. Also nice touch with it being his “26th” dream.

      • “Also nice touch with it being his “26th” dream.”… sure, aside from lingering worries that he was being serious… that’s either zero core memory or zero imagination.

  12. Said it in the off-season, and I’ll say it again, should have signed Ortiz. Screw losing a pick to a division rival. A Bautista-Ortiz 3-4 would have been great. Then you would have EE at DH, and no need for Lind.

    • Except that Ortiz was offered arbitration by the Sox and he accepted it, so there was never really a chance to sign him.

      • I’m shocked how many people think Ortiz was a free agent. The only team that ever had a chance to sign him was the Red Sox.

        • Couldn’t Ortiz decline arbitration & sign with the Jays as a free agent? I remember ricky , jose & ortiz at a golf tournament together. I think Bautista & Ortiz would get along well. Atthe very least Lind has to be dropped from the cleanup spot.

          This is the worst 3/4 lineup since Rios & Wells in 2009 helped sink the jays.

        • Ortiz only accepted arbitration because that was his best option. If a team had offered him more, he wouldn’t have accepted arbitration.

          Any team could have had Ortiz.

        • ortiz WAS a free agent… the jays were NEVER going to give up a first rounder (to the red sox no less) to sign an aging DH.

      • Ortiz waited over a month to accept the arbitration. Waited right up to the deadline. He was waiting for offers, and didn’t get any better than what he would on a 1-year arbitration deal.

        He could have signed with any team. He was a free agent.

        • Not really, though. He was a “free agent” with an unrevocable offer in hand that was probably at least 3 times greater than he could ever possibly make on the open market. As soon as the Red Sox offered arbitration, he was going to return to the Red Sox, no question.

          • 1) Not sure what you mean by “non-revocable”. Arbitration awards are not guaranteed, they come with a built in buy-out (1/6th cost I think) which mitigates the risks of offering it.

            2) The arbitration offer (the ~$5m cost in draft picks associated with signing Ortiz) is precisely the reason why nobody else offered more to him. Ortiz is with the BoSox for the EXACT same reasons that Kelly Johnson is with the Blue Jays.

        • I think it would have been tampering to make that offer, no?

          • “I think it would have been tampering to make that offer, no?”

            Not at all. A Type A FA is not like a “restricted free agent” in the NHL. How could you be compensated for losing a player if nobody else could offer him a contract?

          • Marcel’s Son: I’m pretty sure that was the whole point of the system… it’s a gamble for both sides. To my knowledge, Ortiz wouldn’t have been allowed to actually negotiate with other teams until he had either chosen to accept or decline Boston’s offer.

          • Ty: That cannot be the case because some FAs sign before they are even offered arbitration (e.g. Papelbon) which becomes an automatic offered/declined arbitration situation.

          • Someanalyst: Ah, right. Apparently I’ve already kind of thrown out all my knowledge about the old process now that it’s been changed :P.

  13. If he was striking out laying off close pitches that he knows he can’t handle, I’d be more optimistic. But he’s still flailing at pitches way out of the zone, so he Ks swinging and if he doesn’t do that he gets weak hits that result in double plays.

    It doesn’t help a rally late in the game when the opposing manager knows he can neutralize the heart of the lineup by bringing in a generic shitballing LHP to get a DP or a K.

    • I completely disagree with this statement. From what I can see, he has 2 big problems right now:

      1) He is not swinging nearly enough at pitches in the zone
      2) He is making a lot of contact on pitches out of zone (even though he is swinging at far less out of zone pitches), which are turning into weak contact. His contact rate is up about 10% from the last 2 years.

      He is actually swinging at less out of zone pitches then he has ever done before in his career (actually, it is right on par with his 2009). His BB% is way up, and his K% is way down.

  14. Just can’t wait until it gets close to the deadline. That is when the Ninja strikes.

    I predict AA gets a young nice 1B this deadline. Ideally, Huff comes back to the Giants and goes on a tear and Belt struggles and the Giants trade Belt to the Jays. Or LoMo tweets something that pisses of Loria and they trade him to Toronto.

    • Before the season started, I was actually half-expecting LoMo to end up here by the end of the year. Classic #jerkball kind of guy – loads of potential, but his current team thinks he has “attitude problems” or whatever (just like Escobar, Rasmus, Lawrie).

      But, he’s spent most of the year hitting cleanup for the Marlins, and doing reasonably well. He seems to be in pretty good favour over there at this point, unfortunately.

    • Am I the only person that wants nothing to do with Belt? This guy has over-hyped prospect written all over him.

        • belt probably isn’t as good as everyone thought he was a couple of years ago… but the bar is so incredibly low with lind i’d expect belt to easily surpass it.

      • .342/.419/.474 after the opening weekend that got him benched by Bochy.

        He might seem overrated because of all the press he gets due to idiotic management but he’s completely on track to be the 25 homer, .850-.900 OPS guy he was expected to be and I think that’ll play just fine.

  15. Q: What’s the difference between Adam Lind and a bucket of shit?

    A: The bucket.

  16. Ya…I don’t know about Lind. He hits for shit for about a month or so… and then all of the sudden he will hit everything thrown at him for about a month and then suck the rest of the year.. if AA is serious about this team and the playoffs.. they have to move Lind.. even if it is to DFA him.

  17. This reminds me of John Cheever’s short story “The Swimmer”. (I used to read books.)

  18. Any coming available via trade? Someone asked MLBTR something similar during their Wed chat and the best they could come up with was Derrek Lee. At this point, I’d be willing to give anyone a try over Lind…

  19. Lind since 2010, in comparison to our other LHB, Johnson, Rasmus, and Thames, is the worst hitter of the 4 using good old OPS.

    Please get rid of Lind, thanks!

    Also thanks Parkes for righting this, hopefully it pressures the Jays somewhat, as Wilner continues to defend Lind 24/7

  20. give me a strong case for EE at first base. from what i’ve seen he’s much, much, better at 1st than 3rd, but still not without a tendency to be a liability. he’s settled into the DH role off the bat this year and that’s the first time that can be set. Don’t go effing up the pieces that actually work.

    Lind should go, its true. its no different than aaron hill at this point. but the answer is not moving EE. the answer is finding a serviceable option through trade or in the system. i suspect we lack that specific piece in the system though…

    i think lind continues to play because farrell/management feel:

    a) we don’t have any on field options that make sense long term (the bautista suggestion is not good given his arm)

    b) we don’t have any options in the farm system as cooper was really unremarkable last time.

    c) lind has less trade value than aaron hill currently and is owed $$ and so its hard to want to part with him without some sort of scrap coming back at least.

    d) they’re hoping that lind and/or thames puts together a strong enough run at some point that they can trade them for something useful further into the season. and THEN bring up snider.

  21. Tom in Toronto agrees.

  22. I would rather see bobby abreau in there, having ten pitch at bats, and give the bench a little more versatility. Be more like the rays and have a few guys that can handle more than one position

  23. Why not give David Cooper a chance? Everybody bashes the guy, says he’s not a mlb bat, but you never know until he gets a chance (a few at bats last season isn’t enough to know). People say his numbers are inflated because he plays in a hitters park, but that doesn’t make sense because hitters parks help players who hit homeruns, and Cooper is a Tony Gwynn type hitter who hits for avg. I mean come on, the guy won a AAA batting title and everyone just dismisses that accomplishment, wtf? The Jays brass are always talking about wanting players who will get on base ahead of Bautista and EE, well it doesn’t get much better than David Cooper if you want a player who can consistently get on base.

    • As I understand it, the trouble with David Cooper is he doesn’t hit for power… even in LV where a routine fly ball turns into a home run.

      • Yeah. Cooper’s putting up average numbers in Vegas – that is, numbers that look average here. Which means he’s sub-par in LV. His production up here, following that trend, would be … not great.

        • But like I said, you never know until you give the guy a chance.

          • I agree, with the way Lind is hitting, or not hitting actually, Cooper wouldn’t be a absolutely terrible call up.

            At least until Snider gets healthy and then you can call him up and do the whole EE to 1st Thames to DH thing. Also need to start giving EE more time at first. The way I see it, as long as he’s not really using his arm all that much in high pressure situations, he won’t be that bad.

  24. This was a classic DJF post.

  25. this is brilliant Parkes. Great read with an important moral story.

  26. Guess you didn’t read the dogshit weekend posts over at Getting Blanked — having a useless first baseman is the new market inefficiency!

    • I guess you didn’t understand the weekend post at Getting Blanked.
      The inefficiency isn’t in having a shitty first baseman, it’s in getting your offensive output from other, cheaper, positions. If you can get .300/.400/.500 type of production from 2nd base, catcher, and CF, then you don’t need to throw 20mil per year at an overpriced Fielder/Pujols type.

      • I am missing something in your analysis… A player believed to be capable of a .3/.4/.5 hitting line will always cost more that the same hitter at 1B. There’s nothing new about the idea that if you can get offense out of premium defensive positions, you can approach the power positions with more flexibility. But your assertion that other positions are “cheaper” than 1B is pretty crazy. Check out the gap between the AAV of Votto and Phillips and then check out the difference in wOBA. Phillips is half the hitter Votto is but is worth 2/3 of the salary.

        • I guess so, although the recent trend seems to be that big first-basemen are becoming overvalued.

          • Yeah, you’re right that it looks like that recently.

            I think the supreme offensive players will necessarily be overvalued from a $/WAR perspective. That’s because it doesn’t look nearly as bad when you factor in the opportunity cost of each roster spot (25/40, options, etc). Massive production from a single roster spot is worth premium investment.

            Why are they at 1B? Probably because there is no correlation whatsoever between hitting abilitty and fielding ability so the very best hitters, on average, are not great fielders.

  27. With the money Lind is owed, his age, and his lack of performance for 2.5 seasons, there isn’t a GM in the league that will trade for him right now unless the Jays pay one of the two remaining years anyway. Say what you will about the Vernon trade, he was NEVER this bad at the plate, and he played CF.

    Lind is a sunk cost at this point. Trade a prospect for a first baseman and release him.

  28. Lind had an 865 OPS in the first half of last season, he was the best hitter on the Jays for 30ish games from the end of May through June. Arbitrary end points but how many players on the Jays roster are capable of being the best hitter on an MLB team for even a month (1000+ OPS) ? 4 maybe? He also has a team friendly contract.

    I’m not saying he should bat cleanup, I don’t even think he’s a long term option but from an asset management standpoint, when AA can find trade value for Vernon Wells, I don’t think you can relegate Lind to the bench.

    The cost of playing Lind is what, 300 AB for Snider? Let him rake for a year at AAA, bring him up for a cup of coffee in September and give him a job out of spring next year. At 25 he’s basically Desmond Jennings.

    I think a little patience for Snider and Lind might be in order, it seems to have worked for EE.

    • sooner or later AA has to realize that it is a sunk cost… there is no asset here to manage. playing lind everyday only hurts the team as a whole.

  29. So Lind sucks,nay he’s horrible.
    So if you’re AA,what do you do?
    He’s basically untradeable,ala Vernon.Even if you find a sucker to take him you’d have to eat a major part of his contract.
    You can’t DFA him without eating roughly 10 Mil ( 2 mil buyout in 2014,5 mil in 2013 and the rest of this year).
    Or you keep putting him out there,hope he hits a hot streak for a month and trade a hot hittting #4 hitter to some smuck looking to take a chance on him.
    Problem is, he may never get to that hot streak and if he does, is another team may not be desperate enough to acquire him.

    Interesting that Farrell annouced that EE was going to be hitting clean up then procedes to to keep Lind there.
    Did AA tell Farrell to leave Lind in the 4 hole to try to increase his value when (if) he comes out of his (cough) slump?
    You gotta think both Farrell and AA et al,recognize Lind’s suckage and wish to do something to correct the problem.

  30. Lind has got to stop batting cleanup. Farrell’s argument of “Well, Encarnacion’s produced well in the five-hole” is absolute bull. Encarnacion, at the rate he’s going, will produce in any spot in the lineup — so you might as well stick him where it’s going to count the most.

    Plus, if EE’s in the 4 hole they have to pitch to Bautista, and while that seems to not matter right this moment, it will matter.

    Lind himself has said he doesn’t like batting fourth (not in so many words — I think he said it’s uncomfortable, or something — regardless, he’s definitely expressed his lack of enjoyment of batting cleanup) so it may well be that if we stick him further down the lineup, in a lower-pressure spot, he may start to suck less. He has it in him, and he could come back to be a reasonable bat. He won’t be Prince Fielder but he has the potential to stop being a Moreland/Huff sort of guy.

  31. For what it’s worth, I was somehow able to trade Lind for Ortiz *and* Daniel Bard in MLB12 (no forced trades or ignoring budgets or anything).

  32. i called the jays talk last night and ask willner about lind. he said that they (the media scrum i guess) asked farrell the same question. he said that they evaluate player performance after 100at bats. right now lind is at 83.

    so at a minimum something will be done by the end of the road trip unless lind can turn it around. i can live with that.

    remember, the era of paul godfrey not giving jp ricciardi any money to make an in season tweak is over. AA wants to get the most out of his assets, but he is not nearly as stuck with them as jp was in the past. i’m confident that the right “baseball” move will be made.

  33. Canaaaaaaddiiannnnn Dreaaaamm
    He’s just a common working hard with his hands
    he’s just a common man working hard for the man
    Hey He’s Caanaaaaaddiiann Dreammm
    Hey He’s Caanaaaaaddiiann Dreammm

    If you are black or white,
    redenck funky that’s alright,
    blue eyes with a lot of soul,
    Common Man’s got his goal.
    Hey He’s Caanaaaaaddiiann Dreammm
    Hey He’s Caanaaaaaddiiann Dreammm

    • Your theme pic is downright crazy… I have no idea how you could actually get that view of the horizon from that side of the monument. Cool though.

  34. Lind is hitting .136/.174/.136/.310 against LHP this year. In 2010 he hit .117/.159/.182/.341. He was a little better against them last year, but his .310 OPS isn’t weird, that’s just what he fucking does against LHP. Every plate appearance he gets against a left-handed pitcher is an automatic out. You can’t get mad at Lind for this. It’s like Farrell is putting a dog or a wheelie out there.

    Because of the sunk costs, he probably should be batting ninth and playing first against RHP. If the fan base can do anything, it can turn up the heat on the fact that the dude is still batting fourth. It’s not realistic to say he should be DFAed. He won’t be, not for $10 million. But perhaps Francisco could be asked to play first against LHP this year.

  35. Did Parkes’ mother suck him off until he was 18? Telling him what a special little snowflake he is?

    Sweet Zombie Jeebus, he is one entitled asshole.


    If I wanted to read your shitty blog, I would.

  36. This is one of my all-time favourite posts on this site. Good job Dustin.

  37. Drew Storen is my dad.

  38. Some guys just inexplicably have jobs. Take Jeff Francoeur. That guy is a no-shit MLB starting right fielder and has been for some time despite all the evidence that he is a terrible major leaguer.

  39. So clever, Dustin. It’s almost like a allegory or fable, or something.

  40. Get Mark Trumbo ,decent at 1b can mash the ball but needs to work with obp

  41. wasn’t there a quote in the bible, “it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for adam lind to get a hit off a lefthanded pitcher”

  42. Since 2010:

    RF Bautista: .994ops
    3B Lawrie: .868ops
    DH En’cion: .813ops
    2B Johnson: .799ops
    CF Rasmus: .766ops
    LF Thames: .764ops
    BN Francisco: .732ops
    **1B Lind: .712ops**
    (XX Snider: .709ops)
    SS Escobar: .708ops
    C Arencibia: .693ops

    It’s an insult to the fans that they’ve been trotting this guy out there every day as their starting 1B and full-time #4 hitter going on 3 years now.

  43. Parkes, you got it all wrong. The endless rope in your dreams simply signifies your latent homosexuality. Your post about Lind just means that you’re fag.

  44. I thought this was going to end with Adam Lind hanging himself.

    A bit morbid, no?

  45. Lovely story. Sad that it had to be a parable about Lind.

  46. Hi it’s may 13th 2013 and what is this

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