I don’t care if he doesn’t play here any more, this holds up.

It’s an off-day Monday for the Toronto Blue Jays, as they head up the California coast from Anaheim to Oakland, where they’ll square off against the A’s tomorrow night. This means there really isn’t a whole hell of a lot going on today– thanks again, Batting Stance Guy!– at least, until tonight’s tilt between the Royals and Red Sox, which I’ll be viewing as punishment for my criminally-low guess at the cumulative attendance of this weekend’s Mariners-Twins series as part of our #PropHate segment on the Getting Blanked Show. (Note: Follow me– @AndrewStoeten– on Twitter to enjoy the laborious ride, and watch Getting Blanked every Thursday for more #PropHate).

That being the case, let’s look at what’s coming up for the Jays as they finish off their road trip before heading back home into a clusterfuck of a scheduling minefield, with visits the following week from the Rays and Yankees (and the Mets), before they take their show back on the road to Tampa and Texas.


TUE: Romero (4-0, 3.89 xFIP) vs. McCarthy (2-3, 4.25 xFIP)
WED: Morrow (3-1, 3.74 xFIP) vs. Parker (1-0, 3.64 xFIP)

Thursday the Jays enter the weed haze of Oakland’s whateverthefuckthey’recallingit Coliseum to face the Jonny Gomes-led A’s, who find themselves second in the AL West– and may continue to do so until we come out of the murk that is this early part of the season, in which standings are completely ir-fucking-relevant.

Yes, Jonny Gomes sports a .422 wOBA– albeit one driven by a .348 BABIP, and that exists in spite of his 37.1% strikeout rate– and has led the A’s to a 15-14 record. At least, he’s led them in as much as a hot hitter can lead a club that’s ostensibly built around it’s pitching. The Jays get Brandon McCarthy and Jarrod Parker, both of whom we can expect to be stingy– with a little help from the Coliseum’s spacious foul territory, naturally– but they counter with their two best: Ricky Romero and Brandon Morrow.

The Jays posted just a .507 OPS at the Coliseum last season– their worst mark in any ballpark, except for Atlanta’s Turner Field, where they were swept in a horrid three game series– so… um… things can only look up for the revamped lineup. Or, at least, that’s the positive shine Romero and Morrow will want to put on it as they desperately hope for some measure of run support.

I guess that sounds kind of negative– which I think is in part because of the way it feels like Oakland has given the Jays fits over the last couple of years, even though Toronto is actually 9-8 over that span. With the schedule only getting tougher (eventually), these are a pair of games that it’d be really fucking nice to see the Jays pick up.


THU: Alvarez (2-2, 4.63 xFIP) vs. Marquis (2-1, 4.47 xFIP)
FRI: Drabek (2-3, 4.23 xFIP) vs. Blackburn (0-4, 4.35 xFIP)
SAT: Hutchison (1-1, 3.67 xFIP) vs. Liriano (0-4, 5.43 xFIP)
SUN: Romero vs. TBA

Ahhh, Minnesota. If the Jays bats don’t heat up in Oakland– and let’s be honest, there’s a good chance they won’t– facing the Twins may be good for what ails ‘em. And I don’t say that just because Jose Bautista belted seven of his 43 home runs in 2011 during his six games against the Twins, including a bomb during an Opening Day blowout, and three on May 15th, when his OPS for the season crested at a staggering 1.388.

I say it because the Twins fucking suck. Oh, but don’t worry, Gardy. If it’s any consolation, the Twins suck the right way.

Before Romero comes around again on Sunday, the back of the Jays’ rotation gets the call. Inexperienced or not, I’m pretty sure you’d still take your chances with our guys than the likes of Jason Marquis, Nick Blackburn and the husk of what appears to have once been Francisco Liriano (assuming I’ve counted out Minnesota’s rotation accurately).

Of course, the Jays– at least in the eyes of the the irrationally negative (who, in this case, may genuinely have a point)– seem to make a habit of helping bad pitchers look good, so none of these games are gimmes by any stretch. It would be nice if they were, though, seeing as– as mentioned– Tampa and the Yankees await the Jays back home on the 14th.

Justin Morneau will be on the DL over the course of the series, but Joe Mauer– despite rhyming with “No Power”– is no slouch at getting on base, and Josh Willingham was red hot to start the season (he’s currently an 0-for-14). They can do some damage… kinda. Maybe.

As a fan, I suppose you can say this about any series, but it would be a punch in the gut not to put the hurt on these fuckers– if not for the sake of the 2012 Blue Jays, at least because it’s fucking hilarious to watch this team head “the right way” down the road to a second straight 90+ loss season. It’s truly a shame that there doesn’t seem to be a way to work a LOL into their name– especially since, apparently, when we do that it actually pisses off some unbelievable mush-brained fuck who commented to that effect a post or two down. Guh??? Oh yes, call us buffoons, that’s a real surefire way to get us to stop doing something you’ve literally-insanely decided to care enough about to ridiculously dislike.

Comments (13)

  1. MinnesLOLta Twins? Best I’ve got.

  2. traderumors says Arizona eyeing JPA again. Maybe JPA + Lind for Goldschmidt? rosterbation

    • thats a terrible trade for the jays,..

      I’m not sure why jays fans want to bring in another 1B, and give up a young catcher in the balance.

      EE can play 1B this year, and Bautista can play the position moving forward.

      Getting in a 1B isn’t as important as dumping the one we have now

    • Spanks.

  3. that graphic is the best ive seen on this or any site

  4. LOLesota Twins?

  5. Every day is a day off for Rios.

  6. Why the use of xFIP on the pitchers line as opposed to FIP. If someone like Morrow is prone to the gopher ball, you are distorting the pitcher (see what I did there)

  7. I respect the amount of F-bombs in the story. But its true, the jays can’t dump games to these sort of teams. Fuckin’ eh.

  8. its almost 11pm and I have nothing to bitch about.
    OK, my guess is Snider will be up by June 1. best iv got.

  9. Can’t wait, heading down to Minneapolis to catch that series. saw games there in ’10 and ’11 and that stadium is awesome. plus, they usually rape the twins as mentioned above

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