Alright, here’s where all our bluster about how terrible the Minnesota Twins are comes home to roost, because the Jays finally get a crack at Jose Bautista’s most favouritest opponent (1.941 OPS over six games in 2011), and now they’d better get it goddamn well done against the lowliest of the low, otherwise the hysterical moron brigade is going to have something new to spew about real quick.

Not that I don’t like the Jays’ chances sending Henderson Alvarez to the hill against Jason Marquis, it’s just… holy ugh-ing fuck, what a disaster it would be to stumble against the Twins with the Rays and Yankees waiting for the Jays at SkyDome next week. We’re a million miles from must-win territory, but next week sure sets up a whole lot more fun if getting crushed by our division rivals doesn’t put the club into that much deeper of a hole.

At the same time, that’s fucking loser talk! The Jays are doing alright, and Bautista hasn’t even started to hit yet. There is no goddamn good reason they can’t run the table here for a week and wind up somewhere down the line at the magic 27-14 they were a couple years back, before reality decided to rear its ugly head. Only this time, we’ve got Vladdy coming to take us up fifteen notches offensively mid-summer. PLAYOFFS!!!!!1!

Um… just don’t expect it.


I know we shouldn’t poke the Baseball God-shaped bear, but seriously, Minnesota. Starting ex-Jay Darrin “Pat” Mastroianni in left? And actually having a guy in your lineup you’d hit below him? Below the guy who, last year, couldn’t slug .390 in Vegas?!? Dear lord…

He may have wiffed like Adam Lind against a lefty on his age (Lind is 28 and will be 29 in July, which is most definitely not 27), bubbly Eno Saris of FanGraphs calls the Jays’ signing of Vlad Guerrero “a beautiful idea.”

Before today’s big news, Mop Up Duty had a different idea for taking the bat out of Adam Lind’s hand against lefties– platooning him with the left-hitting David Cooper, on account of the fact that Copper has reverse splits. Of course, even if he didn’t, pretty much anybody is better than Lind at this stage.

Guy Spurrier of the National Post reports on the Guerrero (not ”Guererro”– who knew?!?) signing, and has a bit of a different take. “It could be that the Jays want Guerrero’s right-handed bat to come off the bench or to possibly platoon with Adam Lind, he writes, “although that would be far-fetched for a club that appears to be invested in turning Lind’s bat around.” I’d be more intrigued were it not for the fact that said investment looks more and more every year like a Ponzi scheme.

If the game somehow goes south and you’re looking for something to ease your tension, how about Alex Speier of Boston’s WEEI wondering whether the Red Sox actually have the talent to be all that much better than they’ve shown.

TV: Sportsnet

And now the lineups, by way of the live box score at And for those of you who’ll be out and about, be sure to follow all the action on your phone with Score Mobile

Toronto Blue Jays

K. Johnson 2B
Y. Escobar SS
J. Bautista RF
E. Encarnacion DH
E. Thames LF
B. Lawrie 3B
C. Rasmus  CF
A. Lind 1B
J. Arencibia C

H. Alvarez RHP

Minnesota Twins

D. Span CF
B. Dozier SS
J. Mauer 1B
J. Willingham DH
R. Doumit C
T. Plouffe 3B
E. Komatsu RF
D. Mastroianni LF
A. Casilla 2B

J. Marquis RHP


Image via Brad White/Getty.

Comments (245)

  1. Escobar’s hurt. Guy can’t go to his left at all right now.

  2. There’s something hilarious about a ballpark playing Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing” where its team’s record is soon to be 8-23.

  3. Thanks, Canuckistani / Indestructable.

  4. There hasn’t been any Lind-bashing tonight. I’ll start:

    Lind, you piece of shit. You ain’t foolin’ no one in that 8-spot with those socks pulled up.

  5. / Indestructible

  6. 33% more likeable with socks showing- proven by scienticians worldwide.

  7. I propose that the Twins play this song at the end of the 7th inning for being such shit. CoCo should use it as his enterance song too.

  8. Now Welke’s just fucking with us for kicks.

    • Thank Christ he picked a game where it doesn’t matter (he said hopefully.)

    • Is Welke the sassy, fashionable ump who immediately becomes condescending towards anyone who doesn’t look good?

      “You’re seriously going to wear that? It’s your death sentence, darling.”

  9. Bill Welke is such a troll. How does MLB employ a guy like this with a straight face?

  10. Welke back to fucking with the Jays again.

  11. If I was Perez, I’d wear seizure inducing strobe lights to stick it to Welke

  12. Something I’ve never seen before.

  13. Lind having a Corey Patterson moment.

  14. Okay, I’ll forgive Lind missing that foul ball but will giggle for a while at that second, futile swipe.

  15. It’s good to see Perez back to pitching like his normal self.

  16. Ashby didn’t fit Buck’s narrative so he cut him off lol

  17. Yunel has raised his OBP by 24 points tonight.

  18. Did Span forget how many outs there were? Not that I can blame him for day dreaming.

  19. Farrell sure likes Frasor.
    It seems he’s the first out of the pen at every game lately.

  20. Yay Jason Frasor! I can watch a pitch, have a siesta for 20 minutes, and wake up in time for the next one.

  21. its the honk and meep show in minnesota. has jose looked sick at bat all night like that last one

  22. Maybe that’s why Escobar’s hammy is bothering him. He’s not used to getting on base more than once in a game.

  23. Frasor might be slow as fuck, but he is effective.

  24. Shut the fuck up Zaun.

  25. Good news everyone! Brett Gardners aggravated some kind of injury and will be shut down for ten days. That means he’ll miss the series with the Jays, so we won’t have to watch the Jays pitchers walk Gardner 62 times like always.

    • Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy, I’m sure.

      • Get the fuck out of here. Gardner scares me more than any other yankee hitter. Im being serious.He is on base after every at bat against the jays either via walk or hit. He kills them.

        • +1

          Gardener is one of those guys that are hitting 9th and if you let that fucker on base, a whole chain reaction of terrible events will happen for us.

  26. Well, they beat the shitty twins. A win is a win. Got to say, alvarez really concerns me with his inability to strike paople out. No way he goes thru the league 2 or 3 more times and has the same success without strikeouts. Buck says its by design but i doubt it. I think Its a lack of stuff. Especially good secondary pitches.

  27. Some good pitchers come into the game without the closing pitch. Granted. That’s where the pitching coach comes in. Hernandes has proven himself. Now he has to listen, and learn. I think he will.

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