More On Hammel

I was thinking, after first hearing of the ridiculous shit that dribbled out of Baltimore pitcher Jason Hammel’s mouth following his loss to the Jays tonight, that getting in front of my computer and laying down an old fashioned skull-blasting, ball-fucking, king hell of a profanity-laced screed wouldn’t just be cathartic for me, but also for a lot of the readers who have been frustrated lately by our refusal around here to rally to any number of what folks have tried to pass as obvious, guttural, instant, us-vs.-them causes.

Easy, I thought. Jason Hammel said something monumentally stupid– another iteration of the steaming pile of “worst cheaters ever” shit being laid on the heads of a fucking fourth place team– and we could all revel in pointing out precisely how monumentally fucking stupid it was.

Trouble is, it’s just too damn easy. We’ve seen this movie before, and it we know it only ends in embarrassment for anyone lazy or intellectually dishonest enough to try and claim that the Jays are a piss poor bunch of cheaters, sitting in fourth place, with a pair of Opening Day regulars now demoted, and nothing resembling a curious uniformity in home/road splits (Bautista, Johnson and Rasmus have each posted a higher OPS on the road).

But something really does kinda fucking burn me up in all this, and that’s the fact that this is the kind of sour, sore loser horseshit on which the Jays’ reputation has been built. This! Shitty shitballer Jason Hammel crashing back to earth and shooting his dullard mouth off as he gropes for any kind of explanation of tonight that doesn’t involve him being as useless as tits on a bull’s horsecock. And it was that reputation that supposedly justified the prodding in last summer’s laughable, statistically insipient hatchet job in ESPN The Magazine.

This kind of nonsense perpetuates that kind of nonsense, and that’s why… y’know… fuck the fuck off, Jason Hammel.


Image via Abelimages/Getty.

Comments (95)

  1. Best. Bro.

  2. Weird how the second they took Hammel out, the man in white left the building.

  3. Baltimore is 2-8 in their last ten. They are beginning their slide out of contention, hopefully the Blue Jays can avoid the same slide.

  4. Hammel is just pissed off at himself, it’s not like anyone on the blue jays hasn’t made any excuses Romero anyone.

    • Big difference between excuses and accusing the other team of cheating…

      • Stealing signs isnt cheating, it’s the Catchers job to think somethings up and change the signs.
        If Hammel really thought they were cheating he would have changed the signs.
        When I read Hammels comments it seemed to me he was talking about the Yankees accusing the blue jays of stealing signs not the man in white, regardless it was Hammels and Weiters job to change the signs.
        It was an excuse to me anyways, I didnt feel like he was talking about the man in white just the fact that other teams have accused the blue jays of stealing signs and not the man in white, only Bobby Jenks and three other fools think there’s some man in white.

        • except the hrs were all solo shots (no one on base giving signals)

          • Not saying if this what they did, but if a player was on base and noticed the pattern of Weiters signs then the batter would know them and can look down at the corner of his eye and see the catcher move his hands for the sign that they already know.
            So if out of the corner of his eye Raja saw the sing and knew when WWeiters does a quick 1,3 1 or whatever the pattern was Raja would know it was a fastball.
            It’s clear that tthe reason they hit four home runs was Hammels wasnt locating any of his pitches that well, I mean I thought the Blue jays WERE GOING TO HIT HIM HARDER THEN THEY ACTUALLY DID
            Hammels should count himself lucky alot of foul balls and balls hit right a tthe outfielders kept Hammes from only being charged for the four home runs, could have been alot worse.
            They were hitting him hard and all over tonight he was very lucky it was only the four home runs.

        • Absolutely agree it’s the opposing team’s responsibilty to make sure their signs arent stolen. However there’s also difference between on field sign stealing and planting someone in the stands with hand signals which was what the Yankees and White Sox(?) were talking about last summer. I’m not going to look it up, but that was the inference and that’s what (I believe) is illegal.

          • I cant believe espn let someone write an article about nonsense and allow them to sign their name on it.

      • Hammels was just back to his normal self and he was pissed off, just like Romero and alot of other pitchers who are upset.

        • James shut the fuck up about comparing him to RR. When has any of the Jays pitchers accused the other team of cheating? Shut the fuck up if you dont know anything

          • It’s called an excuse from Hammels, same as Romero hence the comparison, just pointing out that every one on here jump and complains and whines about Hammels and any other pitcher but doesnt call out any of the blue jays players when they make excuses like Romero has two times this year.
            Your a real internet tough guy. Why dont you make me shut the fuck up, oh yeah that’s right you cant because your at work or home and feeling tough, go blow someone asshole.

  5. I love the Hamels quote: “I don’t think you can take swings like that, not knowing they’re coming. There’s rumours and things like that, I don’t know. I can’t speak on that but they were taking very, very strong hacks on breaking stuff. It’s something I’ve never seen before.”

    In the game I saw last night, his fastball got pounded which tells me that if he mistakes his own fastball for off speed breaking pitches, then imagine how good he’ll be if he fulfils his own monumental potential! Forget Dylan Bundy, Baltimore…you have the next Nolan Ryan in this sore loser.

  6. I love the Hamels quote: “I don’t think you can take swings like that, not knowing they’re coming. There’s rumours and things like that, I don’t know. I can’t speak on that but they were taking very, very strong hacks on breaking stuff. It’s something I’ve never seen before.”

    In the game I saw last night, his fastball got pounded which tells me that if he mistakes his own fastball for off speed breaking pitches, then imagine how good he’ll be if he fulfils his own monumental potential! Forget Dylan Bundy, Baltimore…you have the next Nolan Ryan in this sore loser.

  7. The Baltimores not dealing very well with the first real bit of adversity to settle on them in 2012. Not a good sign for them.

    Compare to 2011 Red Sox. I don’t recall Lackey yelling “They’re all cheaters!”

    Lastly, I think this is funny coming from the side with arguably last night’s biggest cheater, Adam Jones and his histrionic HBP. The same Jones who never even mentioned his wrist after the game until asked how it was doing.

    • Anyone else see that ball that “hit” Jones last night catch most of the end of the bat and part of the bottom of his hand which was gripping below the bat? Guy put on a great show! And what a hero for staying in the game! Anyway the ball hitting the bat produced most of the noise.

      • Mitch Williams on MLB Network said it hit bat.

      • I’m so happy that someone else noticed the ball hitting the end of his bat and not his wrist. I sincerely appreciated the juxtaposition between morrow being smoked in the leg and trying to walk it off and never sitting down, and Jones screaming and holding his wrist in agony after having his bat hit with the ball.

    • Raymond, it’s not adversity with the OriLOLes right now, it’s REALITY. Big difference!

  8. Who cares about this Hummer guy. I just want the umps to make sure they call a fair game likes they sees them or I will send handwritten letters to the Beest and Seliga.

  9. It would be cool if everyone could were white in the outfield this weekend.

  10. ya they seriously need to start handing out white shirts at the rogers center..

    • yea, but then that would show that rogers cares about their fans, and we all know they clearly dont! Bring back Labbatts Blue Jays Baseball!!

  11. “Shitty shitballer Jason Hammel crashing back to earth and shooting his dullard mouth off as he gropes for any kind of explanation of tonight that doesn’t involve him being as useless as tits on a bull’s horsecock”

    Just epic Stoets McGoets. Well done buddy.

  12. I would like to know what happens when Hammel starts to suck on a regular basis??

  13. Jason Hammel on the Jays taking: « very very strong hacks on breaking stuff. Its something I’ve never seen before ».

    Obviously, Hammel has never met Dwayne Murphy.

  14. I know it is tough to pin this down with statistics [in that players have established career averages] – but is it possible the ESPN story somehow plays in the head of some pitchers? I know you go back to road/home splits to say how ludicrous the man in white is – but is it possible that some pitchers overthink in this scenario? Hammel didn’t suddenly think about this story during or after the game – Sasser, Ankiel, Knoblauch, Salty all had trouble doing what they had done repeatedly before because of overthinking things. Of course we can’t quantify whether or not Hammels was deviating mechanically in his throws — i.e. – did the hitters hit a sharp or flat curveball based on his normal mechanics? I think that would be neat. The pro athlete’s skill set is composed of a lot of tacit kinesthetic knowledge – and it doesn’t always translate well into explicit action. However, I tend to think baseless rumours like this actually play in favour of the Jays if pitchers will overthink it. But human foibles are simply ‘intangibles’ that have no place really in analyses.

  15. Good post… but I’d have used the headline “Moron Hammel” instead. Just to really drive home the joke.

    • You’re right. I miss the Today in Morons segments we have here. Hammels surely fits the bits.

      Absurd comment by an idiot who’s in denial of the quality of pitcher he obvious is.

  16. Mr. Hammel, I would like to introduce you to Regression to the Mean. It’s been expecting you.

  17. You hit the nail on the head Stoeten – the worst part about this is that now every major and minor news outlet is running a story which has as its headline “Hammels accuses Jays of stealing signs” which regardless of how dumb an accusation (especially so given the hit/pitch-type breakdown you gave), propagates further belief in this drivel.

    Its sour grapes on the extreme and I certainly hope someone in the Jays organization (and hopefully a few outside of it) paste this dummy in the media.

    Anything less and we’re going to continue to hear nonsense like this because of the lazy-as-shit media who go for easy quotes from airhead baseball players rather than employ critical reasoning skills for one fucking minute.

  18. this may very well be the best post yet ever!

  19. I don’t think we have had a new edition in Book of Morons since you moved the site.

    This is worthy.

  20. Instead of a white-out in CF, can just one fan sit alone in the section with a white shirt, binoculars, and a walkie-talkie? That would be great. Oh, sunglasses too, of course.

  21. Hammels didin’t know I guess that the blue Jays hack at everything other then Rasmus.
    The Blue Jays must have more swinging strikes then any other team in baseball, dont know that for sure but watching them day in and day out, I’d have to say they’re near the top of baseball.

  22. 1. It’s not cheating – as mentioned above its up to the catcher to manage this – the Jays were famous in the world series years for this. I remember hearing a story about David Cone coming across to the Jays from the Mets and being amazed the Jays had his signs.

    ..he played in the other league

    2. It’s probably net – net good the Jays get in the other team’s heads like this

    3. I’m not sure his comments are even worthy of 2 posts frankly – move along, nothing to see from a clearly deluded league average pitcher.

  23. When a player shits all over an umpire by bitching to the media over a blown call, even when there’s evidence that he’s right about the blown call, he gets fined or suspended.

    When a player shits all over a whole team and throws out accusations of cheating, with no evidence at all, nothing’s gonna happen, right? What’s up with THAT.

    How about this logic: whoever it is calling those pitches, whether it be Wieters/Hammel or whatever bush league hack of a coach on Baltimore’s shitty staff, is simply calling a ridiculously predictable game.

  24. I watched the game from section 533.

    A silly tattoo inspired drunk decided he wanted to start the wave.

    A real jays fan then stood up, called him a chump, reminded him that there was in fact baseball going on, and demanded him to sit down.

    Said “tattoo-inspired chump” then went on to rage and swear and nearly have himself kicked out. He then sat down and began to watch the game again.

    At this point I began to give the real Jays fan a slow clap which never gained any momentum. But this is as close to the Wiserhood I’ve been at a Jays game.

    The wave did make its way around the stadium eventually, but I want to thank and recognize the man who stopped it from happening the first time.

    So thank you Jays fan, and may this be a lesson to us all. There really is a baseball game going on while the wave moves through the stadium.

    • Amazing!!!

    • wiserhood? puh-leeze.

      if you’re really that worried about ‘the wave’ why don’t you just stay home.

      guys like you and stoeten seem to think you own the right to your own personal Jays experience.

      typical coddled generation.

      • I didn’t realize this was the under side of a bridge…

      • Problem I have with the wave is drunken idiots do it at the wrong time. Case in point, last night when the wave was started was the 8th inning, 2 out runner on first in a 4 – 1 game. And it was started in my section by same drunken idiots standing and shouting repeatedly to get it started – which takes a good half dozen to a dozen efforts to do so. Im trying to watch a crucial point in the game not have to listen to and look around these people.

  25. From my seat it looked like Hamel missed his spot on Edwins homer. He had been pitching to that location most of the night. That pitch just missed by inches and caught the fat part of EE’s bat. Davis’ homer came right after the brush back pitch which you knew Rajai would be hacking on. Your suprised it went out of the park? Well I guess Rajai was as well.

    That’s two out of the four homers he surrendered, but I guess that’s far too much logic.

  26. More on Hammel? More like Moron Hammel. I’m so fucking clever I’m going to give myself a +1.

  27. it’s so much more fun to watch a jays game on with the opposing team’s broadcast team. you get to avoid all the silly homer hyperbole.

    same goes for blogs.

    get. over. yourselves.

  28. Hammel! Hammel! This pretty much says it all!

  29. The Mariners outscored the Rangers 31-11 the last two nights down in Arlington.. The Blue Jays need to quit pissing around with the guy they hired to steal signs and hire that guy who works for the Mariners. He does a way better job.

  30. I wonder if this asshole sees men in white everywhere or just toronto.

    Give this fucker a binkie

  31. you are the man

  32. I was at the game last night and sitting behind home plate a few rows up.

    He was tipping his offspeed stuff, he came up slower and his arm angle went higher..

    if i could see it then i”m pretty fucking sure professional hitters could see it.
    maybe thats why they were hitting him so hard.

    gee what a far more logical scenario

  33. Now we get the enlightened baseball masses using the old – “Hammel isn’t the first to say it – so it MUST be true” logic. Thank you ESPN. Can you go back to ignoring us now?

  34. If by some chance we make the playoffs, I hope the official Blue Jay playoff colour is white, with white towels, and minor streaks of blue with a large Bautista middle finger.

  35. Funny thing is that Hammel accuses the Jays of stealing breaking ball signs and taking huge cuts on the breaking ball. Yet the 4 HR’s he gave up were all 93-94MPH fastballs centre cut.

  36. I hope Cole Hamels beans Hammel when the O’s play the Phils in June.

  37. When I hear stupid stuff like what Hammel said I think of the South Park episode with the Joseph Smith song: Dumb dumb dumb dumb, dumb dumb dumb. You say a man in white is giving all the signs in the out field? Dumb dumb dumb dumb, dumb dumb dumb.

  38. It’s nice when people voluntarily out themselves as morons. It’s a day brightener. I wonder what sort of support his whacky ideas are drawing in the clubhouse? Maybe his pitching coach sent him a thoughtful card.

  39. Open Letter To Rogers Media,
    Mismanaging Sports Content Division
    Marketing Department


    Ok guys, so the first few years of your ownership of the team haven’t exactly earned you glowing praise from the fanbase. In fact, through your seeming persecution (fun police, no drinks after you sit down the first time, etc.) of the few loyal fans who decide to try and have a good time at the stadium that you callously renamed after yourselves (vain much?) and outright gouging of those fans not at the park (is Sportsnet 1 really an appropriate vehicle for a team whose popularity you’re trying to grow), you’ve pretty much managed to alienate just about every fan out there at one point or another.
    And lets not talk about most of the on-field product you’ve put out there. It’s just not worth discussing.
    While the team is improving under the young (and brilliant) GM, behind the passionate and young core of developing stars, the fans haven’t come around to likeing you yet. However, you’ve been given a great opportunity from an unexpected source, a certain Mr. Jason Hammel of the Baltimore OriLOLes, to dramatically alter the perception of yourselves as uncaring corporate overlords attempting to squeeze this team for all its worth while ignoring the fans in favour of your advertisers. It would be cheap, require minimal foresight and relatively easy.
    All you have to do is purchase some white t-shirts. Size XL (it guarantees both fitting the vast majority of fans, as well as inevitable instant alterations to fit more slender and attractive female fans, an added bonus for your already oggling cameramen). If there’s time in the next 24 hours, you could even get them screened with “fan in white” on the front. If you’re buying in bulk, say at 30k/game, you’ll probably be paying under 60 cents per shirt.
    For a promotional cost of about $50,000, you could generate hundreds of thousands of positive impressions for the Blue Jays AND Rogers brands, seem creative and “hip” as opposed to stodgy and cranky, and correct a large percentage of the negative impression you’ve generated over the last 10 years.
    It’s a simple, logical promotion, which is cost effective and humorous in a very passive-aggressively Canadian way (and we all know you love to promote the Canada angle with the team). Which is why it certainly won’t happen.
    But I had to try.


    Paul Boudreau
    Bell Customer ;)

  40. The infamous man-in-white must live in Minnestoa, because Bautista crushes it there.

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