I was thinking, after first hearing of the ridiculous shit that dribbled out of Baltimore pitcher Jason Hammel’s mouth following his loss to the Jays tonight, that getting in front of my computer and laying down an old fashioned skull-blasting, ball-fucking, king hell of a profanity-laced screed wouldn’t just be cathartic for me, but also for a lot of the readers who have been frustrated lately by our refusal around here to rally to any number of what folks have tried to pass as obvious, guttural, instant, us-vs.-them causes.
Easy, I thought. Jason Hammel said something monumentally stupid– another iteration of the steaming pile of “worst cheaters ever” shit being laid on the heads of a fucking fourth place team– and we could all revel in pointing out precisely how monumentally fucking stupid it was.
Trouble is, it’s just too damn easy. We’ve seen this movie before, and it we know it only ends in embarrassment for anyone lazy or intellectually dishonest enough to try and claim that the Jays are a piss poor bunch of cheaters, sitting in fourth place, with a pair of Opening Day regulars now demoted, and nothing resembling a curious uniformity in home/road splits (Bautista, Johnson and Rasmus have each posted a higher OPS on the road).
But something really does kinda fucking burn me up in all this, and that’s the fact that this is the kind of sour, sore loser horseshit on which the Jays’ reputation has been built. This! Shitty shitballer Jason Hammel crashing back to earth and shooting his dullard mouth off as he gropes for any kind of explanation of tonight that doesn’t involve him being as useless as tits on a bull’s horsecock. And it was that reputation that supposedly justified the prodding in last summer’s laughable, statistically insipient hatchet job in ESPN The Magazine.
This kind of nonsense perpetuates that kind of nonsense, and that’s why… y’know… fuck the fuck off, Jason Hammel.
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