I must admit, I’m embarking on this latest entry into the Book of Moron knowing full well that I very well may be complimenting the author of the piece that has so raised my ire. You see, there’s a companion article to the turd Steve Buffery laid in the pages of today’s Toronto Sun, in which Ken Fidlin praises the Jays and looks hopefully toward a competitive 2013.
I don’t think it’s outlandish to assume that there was an editorial decision behind the two articles of diametrically opposing viewpoints, or that Buffery is playing up the carpet bombing of loathsome pessimism and intellectual dishonesty that characterizes his steamy coiler.
In a way, even, that’s maybe a good thing. Because it’s on a foundation of obvious horseshit– that “the 2012 season was supposed to be the final stepping stone toward playoff contention,” that Ricky Romero “is supposed to be the team’s ace for years go [sic] come,” or that “the Jays’ legion of trained seals” insists that Rogers will spend money this winter– that his argument is built.
If this truly were the best that the hopelessly negative can muster about this team, you can’t help but feel pretty good, even while acknowledging that no one in their right fucking mind would actually insist that the Jays are definitely going to spend, and that the idea of Romero as a long-term Halladay-esque ace was always rather fanciful.
But it’s far from the best in negative criticism of this franchise.
Mostly, it’s an exercise in stringing together a bunch of the most tired, lame tropes about the Jays imaginable.
Anthopoulos and his front office are hardly above reproach, and Buffery could have used this little experiment to far more devastating effect, yet he only manages to regurgitate the worst nonsense to his target group of poor, impatient, negative suckfaces.
And then there’s the refrain– the clarion call of the immensely fucking dumb– beating us over the head with the club’s 19 years of futility, which really takes Buffery’s piece into the upper stratosphere of fucking ridiculous. The dullard-appeasing concept that these 19 season have been nothing but a mediocre monolith, with no ebbs or flows, is trotted out far too often for something so patently fucking false.
Nobody could possibly argue that these have even been a satisfactory 19 seasons, or that Rogers’ record as owners has been a whole lot better than abysmal, but it’s not like what’s gone on with the club since the World Series years should be so fucking difficult to remember. Things have inarguably gone backwards and forwards. Payroll, for example, went up by $30-million from 2000 to 2001. Though it was slashed back down as the Gord Ash clusterfuck was dismantled by Paul Godfrey and JP Ricciardi, it doubled from 2005 to 2008, rising from $45-million to $98-million.
Anthopoulos has been cautious not to follow his predecessors in creating a payroll situation that’s destined to go up in flames, and yet he gets shit on for results not changing fast enough, as though whateverthefuck Ash was doing has anything to do with him, and as though, all along, Rogers has had the power to snap their fingers and shower championships down upon us– the way the owners in Miami and Detroit and Anaheim did last winter, right dipshits?– yet they’ve shamelessly withheld them because that’s just the kind of cheap jack masochistic shitfucks they are.
Not only that, Anthopoulos is being shit on in this way by a guy who, in his analysis, uses metrics– pitcher wins and batting average– that haven’t been taken seriously in front offices for a decade.
Again, here Buffery may simply be speaking to an audience the Sun doesn’t feel the slightest need to educate, but that doesn’t mean we can let such a ridiculously-based argument stand– even if he’s not wrong in suggesting that Ricky Romero and Colby Rasmus have been bad, just using terrible stats to suggest so.
It all must be music to the ears of those who look to the newspaper not for insight and sharp analysis, but to bask in a warm cocoon of affirmation of whatever ill-informed feelings emanate from their overflowing guts– you know, Sun readers– but for the rest of is, it’s goddamn dreck.