I must admit, I’m embarking on this latest entry into the Book of Moron knowing full well that I very well may be complimenting the author of the piece that has so raised my ire. You see, there’s a companion article to the turd Steve Buffery laid in the pages of today’s Toronto Sun, in which Ken Fidlin praises the Jays and looks hopefully toward a competitive 2013.

I don’t think it’s outlandish to assume that there was an editorial decision behind the two articles of diametrically opposing viewpoints, or that Buffery is playing up the carpet bombing of loathsome pessimism and intellectual dishonesty that characterizes his steamy coiler.

In a way, even, that’s maybe a good thing. Because it’s on a foundation of obvious horseshit– that “the 2012 season was supposed to be the final stepping stone toward playoff contention,” that Ricky Romero “is supposed to be the team’s ace for years go [sic] come,” or that “the Jays’ legion of trained seals” insists that Rogers will spend money this winter– that his argument is built.

If this truly were the best that the hopelessly negative can muster about this team, you can’t help but feel pretty good, even while acknowledging that no one in their right fucking mind would actually insist that the Jays are definitely going to spend, and that the idea of Romero as a long-term Halladay-esque ace was always rather fanciful.

But it’s far from the best in negative criticism of this franchise.

Mostly, it’s an exercise in stringing together a bunch of the most tired, lame tropes about the Jays imaginable.

Anthopoulos and his front office are hardly above reproach, and Buffery could have used this little experiment to far more devastating effect, yet he only manages to regurgitate the worst nonsense to his target group of poor, impatient, negative suckfaces.

And then there’s the refrain– the clarion call of the immensely fucking dumb– beating us over the head with the club’s 19 years of futility, which really takes Buffery’s piece into the upper stratosphere of  fucking ridiculous. The dullard-appeasing concept that these 19 season have been nothing but a mediocre monolith, with no ebbs or flows, is trotted out far too often for something so patently fucking false.

Nobody could possibly argue that these have even been a satisfactory 19 seasons, or that Rogers’ record as owners has been a whole lot better than abysmal, but it’s not like what’s gone on with the club since the World Series years should be so fucking difficult to remember. Things have inarguably gone backwards and forwards. Payroll, for example, went up by $30-million from 2000 to 2001. Though it was slashed back down as the Gord Ash clusterfuck was dismantled by Paul Godfrey and JP Ricciardi, it doubled from 2005 to 2008, rising from $45-million to $98-million.

Anthopoulos has been cautious not to follow his predecessors in creating a payroll situation that’s destined to go up in flames, and yet he gets shit on for results not changing fast enough, as though whateverthefuck Ash was doing has anything to do with him, and as though, all along, Rogers has had the power to snap their fingers and shower championships down upon us– the way the owners in Miami and Detroit and Anaheim did last winter, right dipshits?– yet they’ve shamelessly withheld them because that’s just the kind of cheap jack masochistic shitfucks they are.

Not only that, Anthopoulos is being shit on in this way by a guy who, in his analysis, uses metrics– pitcher wins and batting average– that haven’t been taken seriously in front offices for a decade.

Again, here Buffery may simply be speaking to an audience the Sun doesn’t feel the slightest need to educate, but that doesn’t mean we can let such a ridiculously-based argument stand– even if he’s not wrong in suggesting that Ricky Romero and Colby Rasmus have been bad, just using terrible stats to suggest so.

It all must be music to the ears of those who look to the newspaper not for insight and sharp analysis, but to bask in a warm cocoon of affirmation of whatever ill-informed feelings emanate from their overflowing guts– you know, Sun readers– but for the rest of is, it’s goddamn dreck.

Comments (89)

  1. so your criticizing a critic.

    see you in the off season!

    • he’s also using the correct you’re

      • thanks Wilner!

        • What do you have against knowledge?

          • i love knowledge. in fact, i hold it in such high regard that my dismissal of both the critic, and the critic’s critic writing is due to my admiration for knowledge.

            fact is, nothing was said in either article that was new or noteworthy. not because either writer doesn’t have the capacity to provide such material, rather, it’s just really lean times for following this team.

            Unless a significant set of moves are made in the off season, all that one can realistically expect is variations on the two articles mentioned.

            that’s not knowledge, that’s filler.

        • Even if you don’t realize it, deep down, every time someone corrects your terrible grammar, you become a slightly better person.

        • See that “Shift” button on the keyboard? That’s how you make capital letters…they usually come at the start of a sentence.

    • That would be grammar. With an ‘a’.

      • good catch ;)

        • The fact that criticism of grammar is not criticism of the argument, does not make it any less valid. Deal with the poverty of your culture.

          • by ignoring the subject your comments support my argument that there is nothing really to follow here unless the team makes some significant moves.

            thank you for proving my point.

          • FamousAmazingGuy, no, it absolutely doesn’t. But nice try at taking a shortcut to “victory” for your asinine comments– I’d probably want to do that too, if I’d said something so difficult to defend.

          • @AS – nothing asinine about it.

            i said that there currently isn’t much to follow with this team. my support was that you have been reduced to criticizing critics.

            not one comment has given evidence to the contrary. they had some fun with a typo, but no points on the subject were made.

            so please enlighten me as to how this was “a short cut to victory” or, extremely stupid and foolish (which is what asinine means btw)?

            • The fact that I am criticising critics– which has always been a large element of this blog, by the way, so it’s stupid to start with to suggest I’m “reduced” to it– says nothing about whether there is or isn’t anything to follow with this team, unless maybe that’s the sole thing that this blog is producing on a day-to-day basis.

              It is, of course, not, so your contention is ridiculous– as is the implication that fans should just pack their bags and wait for the winter meetings and if, and only if, the club adds some major pieces, THEN it’s worth bothering to follow. Does such an asinine suggestion even need rebuttal? Maybe if you feel that way personally you can say as much, but to put it onto others to think that is part and parcel of exactly the kind of whiny negative fuckface bullshit one should hope intelligent fans want to push back on.

          • Why the Hell did you put a comma after “argument”?

          • @AS-

            first, before anything, please accept this light ball washing, djf is the finest after market blue jays service going. that is why i click here. i say this in hopes that you understand that my following comments are in earnest.

            so, that said, i think that your missing the point.

            if this team was achieving/demonstrating anything of significance in the next 4 weeks the article you posted would not have been written. you would have had something better to write about, and the sun article wouldn’t have existed to use as fodder.

            yes, i accept that the MSM does have many a fucktard that you take to task on occasion. i get it, it’s one of your shticks. it’s quite enjoyable at times. but if you look back on your posts for a good while, mostly of what you will see is game threats, graphs and link dumps. if worthwhile content existed, you would have gone there.

            there is little to nothing that could develop in september that couldn’t be just as easily consumed in the off season. outside of EE’s personal bests i don’t anything worth a follow. i’m not interest in magical september stats, and “spoiler” games. all personal and stats can be just as easily assessed in the off season.

            few trades are made in september, as are signings, which is what realistically has to be done.

            so, my advice to the intelligent fan is to read between the lines and realize that there is little currently going on with this team.

            take a break, it’s been a long year.

        • Has anyone noticed what the first letter in each word of your screen name spells? Just sayin’….

    • “and every time someone corrects my “terrible” grammer at the expense of engaging the actual merit of the subject, they become a slightly less better person.”
      Maybe so..but it would make your posts easier to understand.

      • really!? your brain could not make a an adjustment between “your” and “you’re”?

        unless the author is a professional writer (of which they have some duty to their craft) does it really matter if you can reasonably understand what is being said?

        i’d rather every word be misspelt and somebody actually say something worth reading.

        • Listen there Infamous Amazing, “your” defines as ownership or belonging to someone. As in “Your stupid comment”. “You’re” is a contraction (oops, is that to big a word for you?) of two words. “You” and “Are”. As in “You’re a dickwad”. I hope this clears up this confusion for you.

      • you sure do write a lot like Drew ;)

  2. A visual approximation of the general intelligence level of the average Sun reader: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9gSQg1i_q2g

    So yeah, it wouldn’t surprise me if this was an editorial thing at all.

  3. My favourite part is where he talks about how leads fans are critical of their hard working GM and how the jays have either the most loyal or stupid fan bases in sports. TWO SENTENCES AFTER TALKING ABOUT THE LEAFS. The worst team in North America ranked basically every year that hasn’t been in the top half of the league in almost a decade and hasn’t won the cup in 45 years AND STILL SELLS OUT EVERY GAME. Yep, the Jays fans are the stupidly loyal ones.

  4. “Buffery is playing up the carpet bombing of loathsome pessimism and intellectual dishonesty that characterizes his steamy coiler.”

    This is utterly poetic……I commend thee.

  5. Was waiting for this article to get nuked, and you did not disappoint. Thanks for making my day complete Stoeten.

  6. It must be kind of fun getting paid to troll/write for the Sun.

  7. Leafs: attractive to free agents, sell out every game, longest streak without making playoffs, Burke never even pretended to rebuild (traded AWAY draft picks as a first major action), and play in a sport where half the sport makes the playoffs.

    Jays: exact opposite of all that

    And the Jays are better and deeper in talent now, with way less money committed than when AA took over. If he even takes us back to where the payroll was (and does that by signing real quality players) we will look real good going into next year.

    Is that a big IF? Yes. He could write about that. Instead he copy pasted a bunch of tired old turds and threw in a stupid golf story.

    The part where he questioned the Lawrie trade was where I checked to make sure it wasn’t written on April 1st.

    • The Jays payroll has actually increased from when AA first took over (80M in 2009, 84M this year, will likely be higher than 90M next year), both in terms of future contract commitments and total payroll. The big difference is that instead of all the money being tied up in 1 not very good player, it is allocated to 7+ players.

  8. It irks me how so many of the readers in the article’s comment section are so misinformed that they just take a big dump on AA.

    Reader A “We have a losing record, Let’s take a huge dump on AA”
    Reader B “I Agree with your logic, let’s fire his sorry ass, what a failure”
    Reader C “We traded our best pitcher for nothing, what a failure”

    Rest of us “*collective sigh”

    • And when they sign one big name in the offseason (and then have a little better health and luck and have some of their young talent coming up and helping) those same morons will attribute the whole change to them signing Ortiz or a pitcher and say “See I always said if they would spend money they would win”.

      • This. This so hard.

        The idea of “you have to spend to win” in baseball is so strong, it’s such a common narrative that people will cling to it, even if it’s not warranted. I was thinking about this the other day, that if the Jays have much better health next year, young players take a step forward and the older guys return to what they should be doing, that would be by far the largest portion of any improvement they could make. But people will attribute it to one of the following:

        -spending some money on some joe blow starter
        -bringing in a manager (eg Francona) who “just knows how to win”
        -getting Santos back, because a “capital C Closer is sooo important”

        This despite fangraphs piece today about the low correlation
        between payroll and wins this year. I’ve noitced a lot of “big market” teams are bombing out and smaller teams doing well. You don’t hear about it much though cause it doesn’t fit the “baseball has no parity” and “the same teams win all the time” narratives.

        Having said that though I’d still love if Rogers opened the wallets more….

        • It’s all about cheater detection modules… the Tooby-Cosmides stuff… WE MUST NOT ACCEPT CHEAP OWNERSHIP! We are, as a species, programmed thusly.

      • But if they did sign Ortiz and a pitcher, and won, it would be because of those acquisitions somewhat. It wouldn’t be the sole reason, as you said they would need to be healthy, but not acquiring pieces of need will never lead to winning games. They do need to spend more money.

        • No, they don’t. Volume of money spent (see the Red Sox or Dodgers) does not equal instant success. You can be competitive on a budget by drafting well and spending on development, as demonstrated by the Rays consistently over the last 4 years

          • Oh ok, awesome. By that logic you’d be ok with the Jays dumping Bautista, Lawrie and Morrow so they can tank the next 3-4 years, so that they can draft guys like David Price, James Shields, Evan Longoria, BJ Upton, Carl Crawford and then in 5-7 years when all of those amazing draft picks are ready for the big leagues, and the Lansing three have all made it to the bigs and are perennial all stars The Jays will be in the playoffs and World Series every single year. That’s a fantastic idea!!!! To say they dont need to spend to win is fucking astoundingly dumb.

            Everyone keeps bringing up the Angels and Tigers not winning this year. Well guess what, they’re right in contention and its September and I bet they’ll be in contention every year for the next 4 years. Yep, I’d hate to be a fan of those teams cause they may miss the playoffs this year. I bet those fans are pissed right off at the construction of those team, give me a break.

            Nobody says spend like the Yankees or Dodgers, but to not spend at all is such a dumb thing to say. They do need to spend more and its that simple.

  9. Fuck the Toronto Sun, it’s at a grade 3 level and is actually a horrible read 100% of the time. Keep fighting the power Stoeten!

  10. what’s a coiler?

  11. Why all the hate on the Sun. I read ( look at) the second last page every day, then I buy the star. That Griffin guy is awesome

  12. Buffoonery

    • +1. This dickhead deserves his own book of buffoonery. Fuck the book of morons, lets save that for baseball writers. A distinct book of buffoonery would be reserved for the 80 grade shit that this guy spews.

  13. Patience, I get it. A few ebbs, a few flows, sure. They’re in a bottom line industry and their bottom line isn’t good. Since 1994, 1467-1524 for a .490 winning percentage. I don’t think it’s a crime to want, hope for or expect better results. When is it okay to get impatient? Century plus like the Cubs? Two decades, no big whoop?

    • Quite clearly the issue some of us take is that you cannot lump in the current GM’s efforts in with previous GMs. The constant refrain of, “Rogers is cheap and do not want to win” is idiotic in that they have spent and have been burned from that spending. We finally have a GM in place who appears to have a solid game plan that those with an understanding of the game seem to appreciate and can get behind. So to shit all over AA after his brief time and ignore the positive steps taken to re-build the franchise from the ground-up, is disingenuous at best, and moronic at worst.

      • So, none of AA’s predecessors appeared to have a “solid game plan”? It’s unfortunate, but in his position, the sins of the fathers are visited upon the son, so to speak. It’s too soon to judge practically any of AA’s moves. Happy clappy AA boosterism is as inane as rabid criticism, in my opinion. Like all who came before him, AA will have to show it eventually on the major league diamond. If not, he’ll be gone and the next solid game plan will be installed. Until then we wait patiently and sometimes boisterously.

        • +1

          Let’s stop fapping over AA until the team gets above Fourth place.

          The sun article was too negative.

          I am at the game tonight. Trying to get a foul ball for the kids.

          Morrow on the mound so it should be a great game.

  14. I’m so glad the book of Morons is back. I haven’t seen one of these in ages.

    • Yeah, and I am pretty sure it is not for a lack of material. I think Stoeten’s tolerance for moronery has just gone way up.

  15. Well Stoeten you made Mitt_Pounders happy, and apparently the four people who liked his comment.

  16. I think what was missed in the fan graphs article was that it was good to spend a bit better than league average (100 million) it just wasn’t worth 150 million. Huge difference.

  17. CCPD said it. We, Jays Nation, have been patient. For me, this is the year I want to see Rogers spend some money. Not for the sake of spending money but to add quality major league ready starters to the mix. I know trades will probably enter into it as well but the main thing is we get some major league ballplayers performing in TO next year. For example, finally AA gave up with the patchwork one year deal BP and he added legit arms in the past six weeks. What a difference that made. He DIDN’t spend a wad of cash on those contracts but he did sacrifice a few prospects who may, or may not, make it to the Show someday. I think AA will get three starters this offseason and a bat. I’ll be watching for the quality. That’s the key for me. I think he’s made some decisions around which prospects stay and which ones go in a trade this offseason and for which player(s). IF he doesn’t do much this offseason, then we know that Rogers will not cough up the cash because it’s not AA or Paul this time.

  18. We better get some starting pitchers to keep the momo going. They have done well this year riding a wave of fan renewness for jerseys the game itself and the ratings for TV.
    To keep the positive momo going they almost HAVE TO pull off something big even if it is just signing like an Edwin jackson and a MArcum. Then I would expect the execution of trade for a major piece. A lot of people I know will be extremely pissed off if we enter 13 with a fukstik rotation like we did this year

  19. I still have not seen a legitimate argument about why the Jays should not have at least a league average payroll basically all of the time.

    Citing the Rays is a terrible example. Fangraphs has the Nats on the top of that payroll list that were able to nab “generational” prospects in back to back years.

    Anyway, the Jays haven’t touched anyone in their top 10 prospects outside of Nestor Molina (who evaluators had mixed reviews of). The young talent is relatively stacked, so losing those young arms ain’t no thing. This team needs a bridge made up of free agent starters to take us to where the pipeline is spewing forth enough to make even Griffin happy.

    • “This team needs a bridge made up of free agent starters to take us to where the pipeline is spewing forth enough to make even Griffin happy.”
      I think that does it. Nothing else to add until the winter meetings at the earliest.

    • The Nationals are a terrible example too, FYI.

      And you can’t really go bitching about MLB payroll without looking at the entirety of the club’s spending, the context (was it really cheapness that kept them from spending an additional $10-$15-million on a couple starters who would have got in the way of the Drabeks, Hutchisons, Cecils and McGowans they’d hoped to see get MLB development, for example, or was it for very obvious, plainly stated reasons), or the parity that exists in the sport right now.

  20. Agreed fukstick.

  21. Yeah, the Jays payroll, based on market size and now, renewed fan interest, should be 125 per year at least. If Rogers makes that investment, they’d make a killing on all their revenue sources immediately. From a business perspective, it’s time to invest but smartly.

    • that’s right. It’s now time. That’s what AA said lately. And yet people have been arguing about whether it will be true. He said before, “It’s not yet time” I’m with Stoeten about the ignorance of the negative nannies who think they’re wise because they can repeat stupid shit. Lately we’ve started to even out in here. My Regards to Oakville69 for staying on the tightrope lately, well done.

      • Wonderful story, but of course none of it means anything, cause you don’t know what the Jays payroll perameters will be. Putting your arm around Stoeten, trying to get Oakville to drink the cool-aid, and then assassinating the character of those with different viewpoints does not make your point valid.
        What you call negativity, is in reality, just the truth about this team. Our current record is horrid, and the Jays have been out of the playoffs for 20 years. Give me something to get Jacked about and everyone will be excited.

        • You’re basing your ire solely on current record in an injury-decimated year where they, rightly, felt that it wasn’t worth blocking young pitchers’ development to bring in mid-rotation innings eaters, and that it would have hurt their farm too much to make the kinds of deals for better pitchers that may have been available, and 17 years that have absolutely nothing to do with what Anthopoulos is building here, and yet you wonder why people have a problem with this narrow, horseshit viewpoint?

          • Agreed horrid record in 2012 is injury related – no contest. My Ire is raised from the destain I have for folk blogging their points of view (good for them), and then piss on others viewpoints with derogatory name calling. I suspect they do this because they feel it makes them right….that raises my ire! Make a point, prove it, and be prepared to defend if necessary.

          • As long as we are talking about my ire, my list is this:
            1. This season, excuses are for losers and BJ’s are that in 2012.
            2. This season, AA’s payroll parameters speech as Rogers buys into Maple Leafs
            3. 20 years of no playoffs (simply no comitment to winning)
            4. Fans are too patient, (its hard to admit the future looks bright, when you consider how BJ management has consistdently screwed things up in the past)
            5. Bloggers that name call

            Thank you, I would offer my happy list but there is not enough room!

      • Clarification….I am assuming the vague reference to Oak was his viewpoint, and not something else

    • You think they’d really be that much better if they paid me $35 million per year to chill out at second base?

  22. WHO THE FUCK READS STEVE BUFFERY?!

    GUY IS FUCKING TORRIBLE! HAS BEEN FOR ALWAYS! JESUS CHRIST. I DON’T READ FUCKING 50 SHADES OF GREY … EXERCISE CHOICE AND AVOID AT ALL COSTS!

  23. I sure hope that Mathis contract means JPA’s shelf life as a Jay is short, depending on TdA of course.

  24. Stoeten just can’t say anything bad about AA and the Jays, no matter how poorly this organisation is being run. The Jays went into the season with no depth and a terrible bench. Now they are in last place, and still he is praising AA as some sort of genius. Get off his cock buddy.

    • Yes, the lack of a bench is what killed them. Oh, and how do they call themselves a baseball organization when they can’t produce nine good starting pitchers after four of the top five go down for extended periods? And what the fuck is with their inability to keep rolling along offensively after the best power hitter in baseball went down? Bunch of fucking amateurs!

  25. Nice, its been a long time since a Book of Morons post… and ya how many other teams have gone down the road the Jays are treading right now and are contending teams….and you can site hockey teams who have done the same.. draft well, develop good talent, and add players when the time is right. So far AA has stuck to his plan, and if he keeps sticking to it, the “add players” will come.

  26. when did DrunkJaysFans turn into RogersDickSuckers?
    oh right, it’s always been this way.
    fuck Rogers for being cheap fucks. and fuck Jays fans who make excuses for Rogers being cheap fucks.

    what do we need this offseason? 2 pitchers.
    what would have pushed us into playoff contention this year? 2 pitchers.
    way to go Alex. good job. good effort.

  27. Immediate replacement of Gibbers and Griffins with Gibbers and Buffers seems the only answer. Griffin may have his faults, but shit….

  28. We once had a former publisher of The Sun come to a Queen’s Marketing Association Conference in the late 1990s and while driving him to l’aeroport he nonchalantly explained that the Sun’s target market is NOT the 30 (40?) percent of folks who attend higher learning institutions. They are most certainly only interested in speaking to the less formally educated folks of our fine burg. I’m sure none of this surprises the DFJ Monkey Army, but it was interesting to hear him explicitly set that out.

  29. why is the book of moron in a CD jewel case?

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