Izturis, Shane Spencer, and a Rogers Centre turf more realistic-looking than the current rug, ca. 2001

Matt Eddy of Baseball America tweeted mid-afternoon Wednesday that the Jays have signed a minor league deal with Cesar Izturis– half brother of the newly-signed Maicer, and one-time Jay, having been dealt after the 2001 season, along with Paul Quantrill, to the Dodgers for Luke Prokopec and Chad Ricketts.

It’s a nifty little depth move, but didn’t seem like nearly as interesting a transaction as it turned out to be.

That’s because not long after the announcement, the following tweet from someone named @CesarIzturis started getting RT’d around:

Seemed appropriate enough, right? I didn’t even bat an eyelash before retweeting it myself. I mean, who’d start a fake Cesar Izturis Twitter account, right?

Um… yeah, it turns out apparently someone can.

Even Ken Rosenthal– Kenny Ken Ken!– got burned, retweeting, innocently enough, something from what turned out to be a mostly-bizarre, adolescent, AIDS-phobic account:

The feed’s content, we all quickly found out, typically looked more like this:

Or worse.

It’s… pretty completely fucking ridiculous, and especially striking when compared to Rosenthal’s approving passing along of what seemed like an entirely banal, genuine request.

Shit, I’d even give kudos to whoever made the warped decision back in September to start a fake Twitter account for Cesar Izturis and turn him into a foul-mouthed, hooker-banging, AIDS-fearing intolerant imbecile with an affinity for Cheetos and talking about his genitals, and then managed to unleash it in a perfect moment to bend our minds with its sheer weirdness. But… um… AIDS jokes? What year is this, Fake Cesar?

Comments (71)

  1. Hilarious!

    What’s wrong with being AIDS phobic?

    Is it wrong to not want AIDS. Am I exercising some sort of privilege ?

  2. Ashton Kutcher at it again.

  3. Can I point out the headline celebrating Billy Koch’s rookie saves record on the fence in that photo? Fucking amazing

  4. somehow i finally feel like we won the prokopec trade

    fuck, wilner’s smart

  5. Yo Stoeten! Could you write an article about the pros and cons of a new dirt infield for the shit-bowl that is Skydome and what potential positives this can pose (if any) to the health of our new stars? Let’s get some media momentum on this shit!

    • Get real grass. I’m with you. How the hell would you do it though….

      • Meh, I don’t think grass is doable in the near future. But I’d settle for a dirt-infield on turf (see: Tampa Bay).

        • I am curious to see if there aren’t any newer generation versions of artificial turf that are superior to the current turf.

          As for Tampa, their turf is laid on the surface in a permanent fashion. Probably allows them to use a better turf and to have a dirt infield.

          Rogers Centre turf is removable. Over time, this creates seams that are tough for fielders and could be dangerous.

          • Reminds me of the Tony Fernandez incident at old exhibition stadium. They probably lost the playoffs that year because of that.

    • It’s because of the Argos. I’m a huge Argos fan, but it’s even worse for football than baseball. For the sake of both franchises they have to get the Argos out of there, hopefully to a renovated BMO Field. Then you convert it to grass, and retro-fit it into a real baseball-only stadium.

      And if you really want to throw a Grey Cup in there in November, you still can do it on a full grass field. Yankee Stadium hosts a college bowl game every year, Fenway hosts soccer every once in awhile. It can still be done on occasion.

      • Yeah I can see that.

        + Billions and Billions

        ps Love the Argos and the CFL

      • The Argos are out of the Rogers Center in less than a weeks time so if its going to happen expect an announcement around monday

        • Too little time. Rogers Centre has concerts during the winter. The Argos will have to be out of the building permanently, and then they will completely shutter the place for an entire winter. If anything, it will happen in 2014.

    • Hey Stoeten! Could you also write a rather long article about the various causes of WWI and how they contrast with earlier wars in the 19th century? Could you make sure to cite all of your sources and get that over to by Sunday?

  6. Why does the turf look so much greener and better then it does now? Doesn’t technology get better with time?

  7. Maybe it’s yunel

  8. So wait, did they actually sign Izturis?

    • MLBTradeRumors also reported this signing. Either this fake Cesar is just trying to get some attention off a real event… or everyone is being played by a spicy balls scratcher.
      Personally I’m hoping for the latter

  9. Wouldn’t be surprised if the guy had changed the account’s name and picture to Cesar Izturis after the news broke as a joke.

    You wouldn’t actually have to create a new account weeks in advance, just create any account and build up a few hundred followers, before changing it to the latest player who has signed with a team and doesn’t have twitter.

  10. maybe he is just not a very mature guy

  11. Hey stoets aren’t you amazed that I predicted gibbons would be hired? Why didn’t you give me any street cred?

  12. A good reminder that everything related to asocial media needs to be taken with a grain of salt.

  13. Real or fake, he’s right about how you don’t want to scratch your balls after eating spicy Cheetos.

    • It’s really not a good idea to do it before either.
      (Or during.)
      Skip the spicy Cheetos.

      • Looking at the demographic target of spicy Cheetos consumers, I doubt it falls to a 33 year old Venezuelan baseball player.

        I think if falls more into the 14 to 18 year old category.

        That little fucker’s momma is gonna get pissed.

    • That’s a mistake you only make once.

    • This Cesar Izturis Spicy Cheetos ball-scratching warning reminds me how it’s not a good idea to get a handjob from a girl who’s just been chopping chili peppers. I learned that one the hard way, lol.

  14. Now THIS is late night reporting at it’s finest.

  15. Cesar Izturis is now my favorite Blue Jay.

  16. Most hilarious DJF post ever

  17. That fake tweeter needs an Izturis adjuster, Just saying.

  18. stoeten. long time reader, infrequent commenter here. can i mention how awesome it is that you’ve been basically keeping me sane at work all week? keep up the good work with all the writing. fantastic stuff.

  19. Completely fucking ridiculous or completely fucking hilarious?

    I vote for the latter.

  20. You’d think there would be enough idiots with fake accounts that someone as high profile as Ken R would at least glance at the account before retweeting.

    By the way, I would love for this to be the real Cesar — assuming he can stay off the DL with that burning downstairs.

  21. Stoeten.

    Where, when, and the details please for a DJFs get together.

  22. HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

  23. The most ridiculous part of this hole thing in those god damn jerseys the Jays were wearing….wtf is that bullshit.

  24. Sorry Stoeten, but reading these tweets made my coffee come out of my nose.

  25. So are all these news reports – even sportnet – just based on this fraud, or did we actually sign the elder izturis? Not that he’s likely to get anywhere near our 25 man roster, I’d hope, but still, would be interested to know…

  26. Not sure if this was linked from Fangraphs yesterday – but updates on Osuna and Smoral (how the fuck does a 17 year old stand 6-2 230):

    http://www.fangraphs.com/blogs/index.php/reports-from-instructs-toronto-blue-jays-pt-1/

    Love to read that if he was American, Osuna might be the top high-school arm in the draft this year.

  27. When did César Izturis get signed!? So Blue Jays have both Izturis brothers now?

  28. whoever it is just kicked dirt in the face of all of the lazy baseball writers.

    twitter is as reliable as wikipedia as a source, and some of these “writers” are so hellbent on breaking a story that they’ll fall into any trap trying to get credit.

  29. When is AA going to do something Im getting bored

  30. So the Rogers Centre turf really looked like that mini-golf turf back in the day, didn’t it?

  31. That’s funny… But seriously??? Who fucking thinks of this shit? It was creative and it seems to have caught most of us off guard. I’m still scratching my head as to why?

  32. I have a none related question though. Do you think Rogers will switch to grass now? Get rid of that shitty turf.

  33. The best part is that the guy didn’t fool everybody and then post all the Cheetos n’ AIDS stuff. It was all there in his timeline from September. It wasn’t even a matter of the comments being displayed only if you looked back a couple years. It was all there on the first page. Holy fuck, sportswriters are fucking lazy. Rosenthal couldn’t jam his fingers on his phone two or three times to make sure it wasn’t a fake account. That picocalorie of effort was too much for him.

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