Reposted from September 27th. Main image via @james_in_to.

New Year’s Eve preamble: the holidays are still in full swing for most, with this weird half-day being all that’s between us and another full day off before business resumes as usual Wednesday. To hold you over until then, we’ve got some seriously half-assed year in review content lined up, beginning with this gem, which was originally posted at the end of the season, when, for some reason, I had yet to realize that nobody would actually ever want to go through remembering the particulars of what the hell happened to the Jays prior to their massive off-season transformation. And now it’s updated to include the Photoshop of the year, as seen above! (Well, except maybe this one.)


We’re down to the last week of the season, and the time has come for taking a long look in the mirror– sadly not a euphemism– which means that I’ve been combing through the archives for some season-end stuff. And what better way to quickly sweep all our memories of this wretched season under the carpet than to start writing its damn epitaph early, while barely making a nod in the direction of what was actually going on with the club.

In other words: here are a bunch of shitty Photoshops I (mostly) did, starting from last October, all the way up to this month…

Oh, I’m sorry, would you rather talk about last night’s Baltimore shitcanning?

With Griff having fucked off from his mail baggin’ for weeks, I’d had it up to here with not having any reader questions to answer (and what was I going to do, get people to mail them to me?), so I went and did the next best thing, getting my fingerprints all over Gregor’s bag for a change.

Stoeten Answers Gregor Chisholm’s Mail Bag – 10/19/11


Back before any of the “consequence free” clubhouse bullshit cropped up, John Farrell had garnered himself a reputation as an intimidating, hulk of a man, who– legend had it– would have kept those imploding, chicken-eating, beer-drinking, vid game-playing motherfuckers in Boston from poisoning the well and causing the entire Masshole Nation to crumble into the ocean.

John Farrell: Intimidator


Wherever JP Ricciardi goes to spill a bunch of bullshit, the JP Ricciardi Bullshit Translator 3000 is there to scoop it up. And… er… translate it.

The JP Ricciardi Bullshit Translator 3000: 2011 Edition



As I explained at the time, “there’s no proper, large picture of Bob Elliott of the Toronto Sun that I can find via Google Images, so I just took one of the shitty small ones and filled in what I figured the rest looked like in MS Paint– minus his left hind leg, which I couldn’t fit in there without it looking like a dick.”

Bob Elliott: Rumour Monger


OK, so maybe it’s recycled from a little farther back than the scope of this post is supposed to go, but what would a DJF Photoshop post be without John Farrell’s Charles-Bronson-as-Judd-Hirsch turn in our woefully underused Dear John… graphic?

Wilner: Farrell Speaks!


Recycled from an old post I did on Blog, I welcomed to the Rogers family the Leafs, Raptors, TFC, and a “sizable stake in Toronto’s booming future ghetto condo market” with Unknown Pleasures, my second favourite piece of sports-themed album cover art after Sonic WWF.

Welcome to the (Dysfunctional) Family (Sorta): Rogers and Bell Buy MLSE


When it comes to questions of payroll and Rogers, Alex Anthopoulos is like a child who wanders into the middle of a movie… wearing so much makeup that half his face somehow looks more pale than the rest of his skin, evidently.

Where’s the Money, Anthopoulos?


A cartoon Alex Anthopoulos with his feet up sure seemed a whole lot more adorable at one point than it does now, didn’t it? Maybe if he’d acquired anything other than fucking relievers over the past calender year…

Could the Jays’ Off-Season Be Over?


Keith Law is the… er… Law. In a ill-fitting helmet, that is– the kind of flaw that adds a dimension of realism to the character that was sorely lacking in the original. Maybe if you had touches like that I might not keep confusing it with fucking Demolition Man, eh Stallone?

Layin’ Down Even More Law: Minor League Camp Notes


Commenter Indestructible gives a hand with this one (read: he made it), in which it’s suggested that Travis Snider can play entitled, childish pecker with the best of them. If we’d only realized how prescient it was!

Kenny Ken Ken, Snider, and Photoshop Win


Brett Lawrie is Pete Rose… with more natural looking hair, of course.

Kenny Ken Ken Likes Brett Lawrie OK


Why the hell do I not use this hypnotic Danny Knobler graphic more often??!!??!

The Knobler Goes a-Knoblin’: Cecil Edition


Not a Photoshop (no, really), but still wildly important and deserving of being in this post, mostly because I’m pretty sure this was the exact moment the season hit its high water mark. This is you, Toronto. Deal with it.

I’m Sure This Fan Was 19


Not only is this one not a Photoshop, it’s not even a still image. But… fuck it. One last time for good measure, here’s the promo for Getting Blanked.

Getting Promo’d On


Maple explosions of maple ecstasy! It’s maple Justin Morneau, and his maple reported maple courting by the maple Jays!

Transaction Talk: Soler, d’Arnaud, Felix (!?!) and– Gasp!– Morneau


Yet another non-Photoshop to add to the list, this one featuring Jose Bautista….’s funky doppelganger!

Two Mailed-In Posts for the Price of One


Paging Dr. Rosenpenis… the movie Fletch called– it wants its semi-realistic depth perception back. Also, could’ja knock it off with the Upton stuff.

Dr. Rosen Rosen: Jays Interested in Upton


The Mayans warned us about this year. The difficulty of colour matching the fingers and palms a pile of hacked off limbs to a really blue background image, however, I could have totally used a heads up on.

2 0 1 2


It’s just been that kind of year…

Romero’s Season in an Expressionist Painting

Comments (21)

  1. Here’s to a better 2013 the 2012 seaso was a fuck up

  2. the Romero Scream is brilliant. Both in concept and execution. This tapped perfectly into the feeling at the time.

    • absolutely agree…+1
      Actually I feel like that after drinking too much merlot or listening to dalton mcguinty explain how Ontario will get out of the fukin mess he has created

      • I hope Ricky had a good site down with Doctor Phil this winter.

        He was acting like Lindsay fuckin Lohan on the second half. I hope he doesn’t need to see Dr Drew Pinsky.

  3. According to @MelAntonen the Jays have hired Raines:

    Potential HOF #TimRaines will be an outfield and base-running coach for the #Blue Jays in 2013, Raines says.#MLB

    • One of my all time favs! Side note: Are you Clint without a T?

    • This is exciting news.Raines was an awesome base stealers in the early 1980′s.

      What’s weird is he was rumored to be playing games while under the influence of cocaine.

      • he’s admitted it with the Montreal Press in years gone by.
        I went to a couple of games once in MTL where he got picked off second base twice in one game and on one of those he never even moved, like he was in a trance or s’thing.
        My Dad said something was wrong with him, that nobody could become that clueless and then the rumours started of the drug use which was quite rampant in MLB at the time. That was the beginning of the slope down for Raines who stole 70 bases in his rookie year and never did recapture eveerything

      • Yup, missed the “t” when entered my name

  4. Bautista’s doppelganger gets me every time.
    Happy New Year!

  5. We gotta get that kid into the DJFs Hall of Fame.

    When he’s old enough, I’m going to out shotgun him and show how shuts really done. My record in College is 6 beer in 6 minutes.

    I’m going to bring this kid up through my minor league drinking system, and he’ll maybe in 4 years if he stays focus, we’ll see him at the Show in Opera Bob’s.

  6. Happy New Year to all you drunken louts, cynical sabermaticians, plus one-rs, diehards, band wagoners, prospect pornographers, AA idolaters, trolls, insufferable student-of-the-gamers, baseball hipsters, and the rest of the Blue Jays fan diaspora and DJF readership. Stoets, Zube, and the rest, keep up the good work.

  7. Forgot all about that photoshop lol. I lose my shit every time I see that Bautista doppelganger vid.

  8. There are all kinds of pictures of Bob Elliott online – just Google his name and “baseball” or “toronto”.

    I like this one of him about to be fondled by BJ Birdy (or whatever they’re calling him these days):

    Or there’s this one of him feeling up Don Cherry’s velvet jacket:

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