I have nothing close to an idea what the hell this even means, and anyone who has been reading here for a while knows that I’m not exactly the first person you’d think would be standing up for the honour of Cito Gaston, but I have a hard time wondering just what the fuck Boston Globe columnist Dan Shaughnessy was getting at when, in the course of calling the Houston Texans useless and a pitiful opponent who’ll be decimated by the New England Patriots on the weekend, he pulled this out of his tattered, old, mothball-filled bag of tricks:

On Saturday, the Texans staggered to a 6-point win against a team that hasn’t won a playoff game in 22 years. It was one of the ugliest games in NFL playoff history. Playing in the image of Marvin Lewis — the Cito Gaston of football — Cincinnati’s offense managed two field goals.

Uh… can someone fill me in here? Has Marvin Lewis ever coached a team to a championship? Did he get fired by the Bengals at some point and then come back? Does he have a reputation for not making substitutions? Stealing signals?

Is he supposedly still coasting on being the Ravens’ defensive coordinator in 2000? Is that it???

Is it even a shot at Gaston? Is it praise? I have no idea!!!

I mean, I know we’re kinda supposed to just be polite and let the elderly drift off into the sunset, avoiding upsetting them too much by pointing out their “quaint” foibles like ball-hammeringly confusing statements and/or casual racism, but… the fuck?

Seriously, please fill me in if you actually comprehend this!


Crotch grab in the direction of Deadspin. Image via CSNNE.com.

Comments (71)

  1. Marvin Lewis is known for being terrible tactically, so I guess he could explain it away using that rationale.

  2. Sometimes I wonder if 99% of the Boston media is in it only for the good seats to acheer their teams on.

    • Perfect example, the 2011 Stanley Cup Final…couldn’t believe some of the BS they were throwing around about the Canucks and their fans.

      • Actually in that case it was all true

        • Like fuck it was all true ! Don’t go painting all fans with one big brush ! I am a lifetime Canuck fan and what happened in ’11 was not the Canucks fan base it was a bunch of idiots that wanted an excuse to go out and reek havoc. It made me and all other people in bc sick to our stomachs. As for burrows and lapierre I wish they were gone I hate the way they play and what they do. I don’t care what Canadian team wins the cup as long as it comes back north and it won’t be to Toronto unless one of the Canuck boys take it there !

        • Vancouver: 2 riots relating to NHL hockey (1994 and 2011), 0 dead.

          Boston: People in Boston rioted after the Patriots lost the super bowl (2012), after Osama Bin Laden was killed (2011), after the Red Sox were eliminated from the playoffs (2008), after the Celtics won (2008), and other sports related riots occurred in 2001, 2003, 2004, 2006, and 2007, as well as 1986. There were people killed in a couple of these riots – the number is low, I think maybe 5 total? But higher than 0.

          So… ya. Clearly Vancouver fans are the hooligans. Their two riots 17 years apart is clearly worse than at least 9 in 11 years.



  3. http://news.cincinnati.com/article/20130108/SPT02/301080036/Marvin-Lewis-Susan-Lucci-NFL-?nclick_check=1

    Marvin Lewis is also the Susan Lucci of the NFL, so, by the transitive property, Cito Gaston is the Susan Lucci of baseball.

  4. Was he repeatedly interviewed for coaching positions as a token minority candidate? That explains the connection, but not the disrespect.

  5. Both hated by Vernon Wells.

  6. you guys are terrible.

    Cito is amazing and could easily coach this year’s team to a WS appearance.

  7. Like Gaston, Marvin Lewis’ wife is white. I can only assume that Dan Shaughnessy is no fan of interracial porn.

  8. No insecure “who cares, football sucks” comment yet? Surprising.

    • Hmmm. Strange that folks who don’t like football make you insecure. I have not the slightest clue why you would think not liking football is a sign of insecurity in someone else; sounds more like you’ve got the problem. Is not liking cricket a sign of some insecurity?

  9. …and the The Book of Moron is cracked open again.

  10. I am looking forward to watching Zaun try to make Dickey Puns.
    “the key is going to be control, if the jays are going to win it’s going to come down to how well dickey can pound the box”

  11. I too am not a member of the Cito fan club. But at least, his teams didn’t run themselves out of big innings whilst pursuing Small Ball. cough”Farrell” cough. Cito was napping most of the time, so he didn’t lose many games for his squad. I think it was a good thing. It could have been worse.

    Am I alone in this, or are the Boston media in general, slavering servile whores for Boston pro franchises. I am stunned to say that I would rather tolerate TEN of “I’m the hip anti-sportswriter” jerks (yes I’m looking at you Damien) Than any of these masshole ink stained facefucks.

    • Here’s what Cito Gaston was as a manager.

      He created an environment for his players to thrive. If he had malcontents or non hackers he tried to smooth it out, figure out what was not working and get them going in the right direction.

      Gene Tenace was the bad cop in that scene for the children that wouldn’t grow up. Remember, the idea of a bench coach might have been first done by Cito and Tenace. It was rare at any rate.

      Funny thing is, Gibbons is very much like Cito was as far as trying to give his players confidence, pointing out their strengths and letting them play.

      Except the bullpen, Gibbons is more of a micro manager there, outfielder vs. catcher is my guess.

      • +1 to Oscar. I’m tired of hearing what a lousy manager Cito Gaston was. If you recall, he led the team to a huge winning streak after Gibby was iced. He kept calm, he handled his players, he got two world series and a bunch more division championships which is interesting because no one else who has ever managed this team got anything at all. No one was anti-Gaston until the team went tits-up. And it wasn’t him that brought that about. Sure there were things about him that annoyed the crap outta me. But I don’t see any of the shit that went down last season happening if he was the manager.

        As for Shaughnessy, he is just so ignorable.

      • I think you’re mostly bang on but, in fairness, Cito’s very, very strong preference for veterans has to be mentioned. It makes him a fine manager in certain contexts but you need to fire him in order to rebuild. He made his own bed on that one.

        • @ someanalyst

          I completely agree with you. Cito Gaston wasn’t the greatest manager on earth and he did favour the vets to a ridiculous degree. However he was a very successful manager, and I get sick of all the shit thrown his way.

          • Cito Gaston and Phil Jackson (11 time NBA champion as a coach of the Bulls and Lakers, for those who do not follow the NBA) seem to be somewhat similar coaches.

            Both excel in an environment with a veteran laden line-up. Their primary strength is in ego management to the betterment of team results. Both would have issues managing rookies and players on the development curve.

  12. Nice perm Dan.

  13. Dan Shaughnessy at his finest:


    The smug, bean gobbling motherfucking look on his face at when Watney asks the question…typical Boston.

    Also: Heidi Watney.

  14. Dan pulls his head out of a whiskey bottle once in a while and asks “What decade is it?” He then crawls back into his hole. Boston media at its finest.

  15. Shouldn’t this man have been banned for life from all media publications after this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Ij0ovv8AUw&feature=share&list=UUGkim2A5qu2QFhIjihMGt6A ?

  16. I’m pretty sure he meant that they’re both well-spoken black men. They literally have nothing else in common.

    What a dick.

  17. I think he means that like Cito, Marvin appears to take a laid back approach to coaching/gameplanning and seems quite lost at times. Definitely a reach though.

    • Nah. This is clearly his way of claming that both lewis and gaston were allowed to manage /coach because they were black dudes that dont have ‘real credentials’

      • Exactly…the word token comes to mind, and given that there’s a big racism problem (always has been, ask Jim Rice) in the Baahston area, is this a big surprise?
        He’s just a round red nose away from a clown spouting clown statements though.

  18. Dan Shaughnasshole.

    I’m going to fire hot chowdahh right into his nasty looking salad and sprinkle it with coutons and anchovy.

  19. I can think of a few comparable qualities, but so many people who are more relevant qualify before Cito, a retired Blue Jays baseball manager, I just cant even

  20. Dunno.

    Lewis is a laid back guy. So maybe that’s it.

    More likely it’s a case of the Boston media trying to delude themselves into thinking the team is still a contender by taking shots at their superior competition.

    Unfortunately he’s probably right about the Pats.

  21. How many watching that would even remember our Cito ?

  22. No one with that hair should be taken seriously at any time ever.

  23. I’ve never seen him before, but within 1 second of looking at that picture I can tell you he is an alcoholic. That is the face of an alcoholic.

  24. eh he shoulda said john farrell instead of cito gaston! i’m sure theres more respect for cito than that old sack of shit

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