STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND FORM AN OPINION ON THIS.

The Blue Jays may not have a bunch of jerseys frozen in giant blocks of ice all over the city right now but that isn’t stopping the team from pulling out all the stops to make headlines.

Basically everyone that makes a living reporting on transactions for the team just momentarily flooded timelines all over the internet with the news that J.A. Happ will be returning to the team for the sure-to-be-illustrious 2013 season. So yeah, you can rest safely knowing the customized Happ jersey you had made up last season still has a place in your game day rotation.

Any quick, nearly effortless attempt at penciling a starting 5 rotation together at this point sees Happ lining up as a long reliever / spot starter. Knowing the Jays injury history at the position there’s a very good chance he’ll be seeing a fair share of work this season. He managed to contribute 1.8 fWAR between Houston and Toronto last season, to go along with a 4.01 FIP / 3.92xFIP that led to a slightly unlucky 4.79 ERA.

At the risk of beating you all over the head with statistics, I’ll admit that the thing that makes me happ-iest (Holy shit I’m a genius) about all this is the guarantee that we’ll see more stuff like this:

from my favourite Blue Jays parody account: Hipster J.A. Happ.

$3.7M buys a lot of quinoa and organic peanut butter. Maybe even a top of the line really crappy fixie as well.

Ride tall, J.A. Ride tall.

UPDATE:

 

Been a pretty wild ride here so far today. Boneface is also locked up for a year at $2.6M.
Josh Thole is the only one left on the list of arb eligible guys waiting to surely sign a 1-year deal.

Comments (52)

  1. He’s still better than romero

    • AGREED! Happ started the year with the exponentially weaker Astros (see unlucky ERA), bounced around between starting and relieving at the major league level for the 1st time in his career, yet was much more impressive than Romero in the starts that he got with the Jays until his injury finished the season for him. I would give him a lot better chance of being the 5th starter coming out of camp, what with how Romero pitched from June on, still not figuring it out by season end, and the fact that Romero is coming off elbow surgery.

      • It’s Romero’s job to lose.

        • Sure but it shouldn’t be.

          • No it really should. Romero’sgot wayyyy more upside than Happ. Happ’s ceiling isn’t too far above Romero’s floor. Compare them statistically oer their careers and Romero has an edge in every single category except strike-outs…and even then Happ only just improved his strike out ratio above Romero’s in the past year or so.

          • It sure as shit should be.

        • One thing Romero showed last year is that he is VERY capable of loosing his spot in the rotation. 100 plus walks is unacceptable, its brutal actually.

    • He’s better than the 2012 Romero.

  2. I am cool with this signing. But before Happ does his wonders in Toronto, he will be asked to do some yeoman work in upping the hipster levels in Buffalo.

    Still figures to make a dozen starts or so and do some relieving during the long dog days.

  3. pfft, Quinoa. He won’t be buying quinoa if he has a conscience. There’s a smear campaign against its rising cost in the countries where it’s grown.

    PS This is a thing, and i’ve seen a bunch of people decrying all over facebook.

    • Yeah I’ve seen that going around as well.

      My brother-in-law will be crushed.

    • Hell of a smear campaign when the UN has declared this the Year of the Quinoa. Maybe it’s reverse psychology? If the UN likes it, then how can the hipsters? Ergo, prices go down and South American families can feed themselves again!

  4. So basically its Charlie V out, James Happ in.

    Control has always been Happ’s achilles heel – if he can keep that big fat curve low we’re good. Rather him than Brett “Small sample sized loogy” Cecil as the long arm, I guess.

  5. That bit on the Dakota is perfect. I am THAT guy – been there and liked the “country” music even though I don’t like “country” music.

    • I eat so much organic peanut butter and quinoa sandwiches while riding my fixie (for serious) I’m like the Happ-eninest guy out there.

  6. I am 100% fired up for bonerfacio this year. I promise you he’ll be one of.our most important players and we will all love him and by his swag.

  7. Am I the only one just finding out about Hipster J.A. Happ? That is great.

    • went looking up the term “Hipster”…i shuddered internally..

      • someone had to go “looking up” the term Hipster.

        …shudders internally

        • I had to look up swag. Definition: SWAG
          The most used word in the whole fucking universe. Douche bags use it, your kids use it, your mail man uses it, and your fucking dog uses it. If you got swag, you generally wear those shitty hats side way, and your ass hanging out like a fucking goof cause your pants are half way down your white ass legs. To break down the word, it means (Secretly We Are Gay). It is also a word that means to represent yourself/ the way you represent yourself, baggy clothes, shitty hats, small penis and basically a way to say your afraid to come out of the closet.

  8. I am usually up to date on ways to make fun of hipsters but what the hell is a fixie?
    Suck it Hipster Farrell!

  9. How many years of control does Happ have left?

  10. As per folks in Buffalo with AA, Thole also reaches an agreement. AA did not state $ amount. All three players avoid arbitration.

  11. Hipster J.A. Happ is gold. “Should I name my cat R.A. Kitty, Dustin McMeowan or Mark Purrle “. Hahahahaha.

  12. If Romero is unimpressive through first five starts, give the job to Happ.

  13. I occasionally have to pinch myself to remember that I’m not in a world where JA Happ is our projected #3 starter. Remember when we rationalized that Alvarez could be a passable #3 ‘if he learned an out pitch’ like that was actually a thing? Wow I’m happy to be a Jays fan.

  14. AZ kills me

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