Right now Toronto is in the middle of one of its two annual take-application-money-from-guys-from-Winnipeg-then-make-them-pay-their-own-way-to-get-here-so-they-can-play-a-hopelessly-shitty-slot-at-an-awful-bar-for-no-pay-just-so-you-can-advertise-that-thousands-of-bands-are-involved music festivals. A quick glance through the guide book for what the organizers call Canadian Music Fest (and everybody else in the world, including 99% of their advertisers, still calls Canadian Music Week) provides far more fun than it should, only for the sheer fact that there are so many hilariously awful band names and kitchen sink genre descriptions– lo-fi experimental grunge indie pop funk!– but when thumbing through it last night there was one, pictured above, that stood out to me as particularly egregious, for at least a couple of reasons, but mostly in a misleading way.

Because… um… yeah, I’m pretty sure Kelly Gruber, Dave Winfield, Manuel Lee, et al. will, in fact,¬†not be at Rancho Relaxo at 2 AM tonight.

I’m also pretty sure that somebody in that group¬†probably should have seen the possible long-term copywrite trademark infringement can of worms that name opens, though, who knows, maybe they’re just doing it for a larf. Besides, I’m probably best leave the heavy criticism here to the fucking geniuses at Honest Reviews to get around to, while I maybe actually (eventually) get back writing about baseball.

Comments (49)

  1. Huh?



    • Stop being hopelessly wrong about things, please.

      • Like the other day when I went into great detail about what’s going to happen with Romero, and you questioned it and others laughed, and now on PTS Brunt just basically read what I wrote?
        Yeah, I’m hopelessly wrong.

  3. 2 Live Drew? What’s Fairservice up to?

  4. The first part is accurate, I know 3 bands in Winnipeg that are on their way to this garbage. Gotta pay to play, I guess.

  5. Is it a stretch to assume that this is just a one-off band comprised of members of other bands, doing this for fun?

  6. they should just change their name to “The New 1992 Toronto Blue Jays”

    ….That or the Really New Originals

  7. Pedants corner: I think it’s trademark infringement, not copyright.

    Suspect the greater crime of all these bands is the poorly executed plagiarism of music created between the years 1960 and about 1988, which is roughly when guitar pop turned into an endless recursive exercise in futility. Not that I don’t still listen to the crap in the hope of hearing something original, it’s just you have to ask the question … why on earth would you form a band these days?

    Talking of endlessly recursive exercises in futility: commenting on blogs! What the Fuck!

  8. huh?

  9. I just can’t imagine something like that ever upsetting me

    • You need to buy a clue.

      • :)

        You’re delightful

        • Seriously, though, who’s upset? Is my tone really that elusive?

          • alright alright, call it a morning misread. I’m very sorry. Still friends?

            • Yeah, but watch the rape jokes. Apparently I’m a militant feminist.

              • Sounds like just my type. Seriously..

                When I was in high school I dated this girl who was.. I don’t wanna say militant, but ..yeah. Anyway we had a pretty good time, but she’d get mad at some outrageous stuff. It didn’t last long. Let’s call her Jane.

                Anyway, fast forward about 3 years and I’m seeing this different girl who has a kid. I ended up breaking that off because I was 21, partying hard and I dont need to deal with that. So, this girl apparently works with Jane and they end up talking, becoming best friends and eventually getting married.

                I ate some hate from them, but that’s to be expected having been with both of. But I just look at myself as a lesbian cupid.

  10. I can totally see Kelly Gruber playing drums at Rancho Relaxo at 2 AM. Dave Winfield, not so much.

  11. how about this American/Canadian/Latin American band’s musical performance:

  12. As a former guitarist of a Toronto punk band who starved and sweat for his craft for a decade, who quit his job every summer to go on a shitty tour with a broken down van that only put us all deeper and deeper in the hole, I feel this post.

    But hey, much like in baseball, many of the values gained from this experiment in early-adulthood was “intangible”. On a spreadsheet, it appears that I wasted 10 years of my life. But as far as story-value and nostalgia goes? I was a scrappy gamer who played the right way.

    • Lotta team chemistry, too. I know plenty of bands who just need that glue guy– the one who comes into the room and everyone wants to be around and who makes it so much easier to get to work.

      Seriously. Of course, lots of bands are great and hate each other too, so…

  13. My favourite gig poster ever was for a band playing Rancho Relaxo about 10 years ago. They put a giant photocopy of a Julio Franco baseball card above the title “FRANCO SAYS RELAXO!”. I still chuckle to myself whenever I think about it.

  14. Isn’t Rancho Relaxo the name of the spa that Marge goes to on the Simpsons? No respect for intellectual property anywhere!

  15. Anybody remember those Blue Jays Albums (or CDs as it were) from the early 1990s? I found the 1992 one last week, it has Tom and Jerry rapping on the first track.

    • I have a cassette of one on my desk at work. If it wasn’t still not quite yet 9 AM Stoeten Standard Time I’d upload a pic.

      Heading to the office for a double dose of podcasting though.

    • I have the “Ok Blue Jays” 45 LP by The Bat Boys w/ original cover still. Just wish my Record Player wasn’t fucked so I could crank it up on opening day.

      • As do I, along with “Shaker’s Rap” by Moseby.
        But I have no inclination to listen to either one.

  16. I saw “The 1992 Toronto Blue Jays” band when I first looked at the CMW listings a while back. I thought it was an awesome name!

    I miss being in a band. I’ve been out of it for like 10 months now. I am currently jamming with some people and we’re starting to have the “what do we call this thing” conversation.

    As Dave Grohl says, naming the band is the hardest fucking part (he also says “Foo Fighters” is the dumbest fucking band name in the world… he also says “fuck” a lot)

    Anyway, band name suggestions welcome!

    …. P.S. Actually “The Beatles” is the dumbest fucking band name in the world.

    • Not if you understand where the name comes from.

      • I did some research… It’s still a stupid pun.
        Don’t get me wrong, I believe the beatles are among the most important things to happen to music ever. But their name is only seen as being clever because of what they did with it. At it’s core, it’s a silly pun.

        • Also, non other than Alan Cross (who I’m pretty confident knows where the name comes from) has pretty much the same opinion as I do. Namely that the Beatles are unassailably awesome and thus we let the whole cheesy name thing slide.

          Ditto for Foo Fighters and countless others when you think about it.

  17. I like “Giant Retarded Robot” personally. You can use it though.

  18. Nihilist Sponge is a good name for a band!

  19. Is it wrong that I was really hoping for a “whip it” reference in there somewhere… Maybe I just missed it.

    I’d totally drive to Toronto to see Devo though! (Only if I got a free plastic hat)

  20. Manuel?

    Pretty sure he was still Manny in 92.

  21. Hey Andrew, I play in this band. We’ve got a show on Friday night (Nov. 15) at Baltic Ave. (Ossington and Bloor). I’d love to see you there to talk baseball, beers, and The best damn team that ever graced the streets of Toronto. Let me know if you can make it.

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