Bad karma? Tempting the Baseball gods? Shit, like they– or at the very least Rogers, and perhaps even those swine at Interbrew– don’t owe us something for the last 20 years.

Worse-than-usual Photoshopping? OK, you got me on that one. But who could blame me with the excitement of Opening Day coursing through my veins? There are only 161 games left after this, so damn it, I’m going to savour it!

And with that in mind, do I really even need to write anything else in this preamble? It’s baseball season!


Commenter Matt E provided a rundown of what he claims are “insidery” details regarding tonight’s sold out Opening Day event. Of course, we know from a Jays press release of last week that “performing both the Canadian and American national anthems will be Danielle Wade” who is in some musical or something that I don’t particularly care about. So, that kind of throws this other supposedly insider-y information into some serious question, doesn’t it? So… I don’t know here. That said, Matt tells us:

-The opening day opening ceremonies will feature the Guinness World Record largest Canadian flag ever on the field, covering basically the entire field. It weighs 2400 pounds and they’re getting around 200 U of T varsity athletes to carry the thing. It sounds like whatever marketing director thought this up has a background in US sports, because “gigantic fucking flag” and “salute the local university athletes” are right out of the Murika playbook.
-Tom Cheek tribute with big #4306 flag
-Moment of silence for Sandy Hook observed by all teams
-Someone top-secret singing the anthems, they won’t say who, but they hinted it was a “somebody”
-Mr. Geddy Fucking Lee to have his moment in the Limelight with the first pitch

From said press release we also know that: “fans are encouraged to arrive early,” that fans heading down tonight will be getting a “rally pom” when they enter, that prior to the game the Jays “will recognize the achievement of being selected by Major League Baseball and Baseball Commissioner Allan H. (Bud) Selig as the 2012 recipient of the Commissioner’s Award for Philanthropic Excellence,” and that following the game you’ll be able to get your hands on a magnet schedule when you leave.

John Lott tweets a pic of what the fancy new banners outside Rogers Centre look like (Brendan Kennedy of the Star has another), as well as J.P. Arencibia’s two gloves– one for R.A. Dickey and one for everybody else.

Shi Davidi shows us what the Dome looks like, with everything in place.

Lott also tells us that for Opening Day the Jays have issued 75 one day media passes on top of the ones for all the usual beat writers (and the tourists).

Brendan Kennedy lets us know that you can get Rosie DiManno’s Jays eBook for free until April 9th– y’know, if you’re into that kind of thing. And by “that kind of thing” I, of course, mean prose so purple it will make your fucking eyes bleed.

Ben Nicholson-Smith– Benny Fresh!– did some chatting with readers today at his new home, Sportsnet, as did Richard Griffin and Mark Zwolinski over at the Toronto Star.

Mike Wilner tweets that John Gibbons thinks Brett Lawrie is still about two weeks away, though the hope is to get him into a minor league game this weekend. The 13 pitcher thing grows stupider…

Ugh. Shi Davidi reminds us that last year’s Opening Day game between the Jays and the Clevelands went on for five hours and 14 minutes. And do you know what happened? WE WON!!!

Andrew Stoeten sees the first few seconds of Sportsnet’s pre-game, pukes in his mouth a little and then tweets: “Wow. Yammy Yawger Dallas-Boston trade news to kick off the Blue Jays’ Opening Day pre-game? A new low for hockey puck bullshit, everbody!”

I’m about to head out, but don’t go thinking we’re through with content here for the night– and I don’t just mean that if the game is particularly insane or noteworthy I might find myself feeling obligated to stumble back to my desk and write a post about it. What I mean is, we’ve got Scott Johnson of Franchise Mode all set to put together an open thread of GIFs from tonight’s game. We’re going to try to stick to the really good ones, not just every mildly consequential or interesting moment, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t follow him at @ScottJohnson48 and throw some requests his way if you spot something.

And I’ll leave the final word to ol’ Gibbers, which comes via Chris Toman: “The talk is over. We’ve been talking for how many months now? We have to go out and do something.” Fucking right, eh? Enjoy the game, everyone. Go Jays!!!

TV: Sportsnet

And now the lineups, by way of the live box score at And for those of you who’ll be out and about, be sure to follow all the action on your phone with Score Mobile

Toronto Blue Jays

SS J. Reyes (S)
LF M. Cabrera (S)
RF J. Bautista (R)
1B E. Encarnacion (R)
DH A. Lind (L)
C J. Arencibia (R)
CF C. Rasmus (L)
3B M. Izturis (S)
2B E. Bonifacio (S)

R. Dickey RHP


The Clevelands

CF Michael Bourn (L)
SS Asdrubal Cabrera (S)
2B Jason Kipnis (L)
1B Nick Swisher (S)
LF Michael Brantley (L)
C Carlos Santana (S)
DH Mark Reynolds (R)
3B Lonnie Chisenhall (L)
RF Drew Stubbs (R)

J. Masterson RHP


Image crop via Rickey Henderson’s insanely disproportionate forearms.

Comments (589)


  2. C;mon Lind
    Take one for the team.

    • By, “…take one for the team,” I assume you mean Lind should shoot himself in the face.

  3. Eh he hit it hard… just right at him.

  4. oh for fucks sake, you midwestern fuck

  5. Fuck youbLind ibdontbgive a shit. Why does ot come to THESE TWO

  6. Way to go, Lind! As any New Age baseball fan knows, RBIs are overrated…

  7. Lind runs like a one legged chimp

  8. Lind is a piece of shit.

  9. ugh ugh ugh ugh

    what a terrible swing by arron cibia

  10. Asdrubal cabrera- quality fielder.

  11. two on first
    two on second
    bases loaded no body out third

    result: 1 fucking run?

  12. “You can’t hit it any better than that.” Pretty sure you can not roll one up the middle and it’d be a little better.

    63 pitches for Masterson. JPA mistake time?

  13. JPA has almost looked worse at the plate than he has behind it…

  14. JPA lettin balls go by himf

  15. Wow…this is the first game of Masterson’s season? Thanks Buck!

  16. 2 men, 3 out.

  17. And thus continues the Honda Arencibia Shitshow…er, Home Opener.

  18. Wow. Thanks guys.

  19. We appear to have a hole in the middle of the batting order early on…

  20. Nice AB JP

  21. Does that count as a passed ball?

  22. Lind and Arencibia are the rally killers. Let these guys bat 8th and 9th…blah.

  23. Oh yeah I forgot, JP only swings at balls.

  24. Lind and JPA have singlehandedly quieted the crowd.

  25. Alright JPA makes it into the record books!

  26. Nazem Kadri falls onto the field from the first row.

  27. acceleration? Because RA Dickey says fuck you to physics.

  28. Blanco should be in the fake now

  29. Let’s see if the passed ball streak continues. Thus far , everytime a guy has gotten on, a passed ball has followed

  30. That’s four….

  31. JP is costing RA strikes by dropping so many borderline pitches.

  32. Haven’t seen that before. A wild pitch doesn’t help the over

  33. WP my dick

  34. I mean, JPA was one of the worst with passed balls BEFORE ewe had a knuckle ball pitcher. what made them think it would be a good idea to have him catch dickey?

  35. I’m watching the Cleveland feed…they’re already doing montages of this shitshow by Arencibia.

    • That’ll never happen in Canada, JPA can speak about hockey intelligently. HE’S UNTOUCHABLE!!!

  36. Cleveland must be thinking

    “walks as good as a triple”

  37. The real reason they didn’t send Santana there is because the Indians don’t want to hurt JP and get him out of the game.

  38. No more jpa please

  39. C’mon Cletus, get into one.

  40. 1 run deficit, cletus, izturis, goodface due up. Thig can only portend good things. I predict Jays up by a score of LoViste-2 at end of inning.

  41. I see this year is going to be shit on JPA year.

  42. Can we hit a few more rockets right at people?

  43. I’m thinking JP has a solid chance of taking over from Lind as our whipping post this season.

  44. BABIP has not been kind so far.

  45. The ship is sinking. Play for yourselves.

  46. Can’t blame JP for that one.

  47. At this point, having less passed balls than knucklers thrown has to be considered a success for Arencibia.

  48. shitfuck

  49. When driving through TO early today it was really windy. Has that died down?

  50. Hey, look at the bright side..they got a guy on base and JPA didnt allow a passed ball!

  51. That was bizarre. Looked and sounded like a routine flyball off the bat.

  52. Dickey is angry now. Ks!

  53. Someone needs to check JPA’s pupils.

  54. Let’s pretend that I fail at the internet and I live in the USA and I do not have access to the game (and I do-not-want/cannot-afford to purchase the MLB online package).

    Where can I go online to watch the game? Please help! The link I have is super unreliable and currently isn’t working.

    I’d also be interested in just listening to the radio broadcast if that’s available.

    Help please?

    You could even email me -> slowlymovingforward at hotmail dot com.

  55. Team’s gone flat. Need to put Colton Orr out there to rev ‘em up with a fight!

  56. I really wish we didn’t trade away all of our prospects.

  57. It must be frustrating for Dickey knowing there’s a guy on the bench who can catch the knuckler.

    JPA cost him run 2, and many strikes because he can’t frame it, let alone catch it.

  58. shut yo mouth Jose! Is going to be a long season if you keep that shit up

  59. I never even considered the possibility of losing this game therefore it can not happen.

  60. what an annoying broadcast. Lots of mistakes, bad camera angles, they put up the strike tracker than take it down and I’ve been looking forward to baseball for 5 montsh and already I’m sick of Tabler

  61. Cancel the parade

  62. Repeat opening day 2012? late game comback on the way?…….

  63. Glass half full….Glass half full…we’ll have a huge comeback soon.

  64. Is it normal for the pitcher to appear twice as fast as Lind?

  65. Fuck, I’ve been on the wrong cocksuckin thread.

    Anyway here’s my 56 bits.

    Good on Gibby for starting JP and here is why.

    Being a coach in the MLB is all about dealing with politics, egos, and contracts. Gibby now has amo for telling JP that he will not start for Dickey in the future.

    Done early, at game one. Now let’s move forward.

    Bring it bitches.

    • It’s a good point, I just wish he didn’t have to make an example to make an example.

    • Yeah when they put up that GIF thread I thought there might be some confusion.

    • I somewhat agree, but would have preferred RAD’s second start used as “The Lesson.”

      • They could have just kicked JP in the nuts and told him no like in the good old days.

      • Yeah, well I been watching this game as close as a drug dealer watching his crack.

        RAD got flustered by JP, and it perpetuated. Then it affected JPs hitting.

        This combo is done.

        And good on Gibby getting it done and in his back pocket.

        • Anyways, I’m loaded with the pops having a ball, and Smasher, Potatoes, Tom, Kyle, Balls, Stoeten, I love you guys.

          Actually, I love all DJFs who have posted this past winter. Win or lose tonight, it’s gonna be a great year!

    • You’re probably right KGBS

      Whatcha doin on the wrong cocksuckin thread?

      You been drankin?

  66. JPA is a turd.

  67. ok masterson….go twist your ankle or something. Fuck off with your slick fastball, breaking ball combo

  68. This is still a win, homies

  69. This may sound cynical but did sportsnet really just use a baby in the crowd to distract from Aaron Cibia’s atbat?

  70. Love that breaking ball…..

  71. Brett lawrie get the fuck healthy.

  72. Dirty move by Loup

  73. Are there any DH options in free agency anywhere?

    • Everyone calm the fuck down its one game

      • I think that’s just a general question about Adam Lind’s competence. If I was overreacting to tonight I’d ask “are there any aces available on the FA market?”

        But I’m not a dumbass. Well, not a complete dumbass. Well, at leest I didn’t make any spelling mistakes.


  74. Rally cap time.

    • Yep, and I’m claiming fault for not wearing my hat for the past 3 innings. Expect good things for the last 2 becausee well…..I fucking rule and all of a sudden becam superstitious

  75. Everyone calm the fuck down its one game

  76. The best thing about Colby batting is that it’s the most batters before more Aaron Cibia.

  77. I’d break in the back seat of her new CRV with her……not bad

  78. I want a donkey on that field by Fri.

  79. Rasmus would be a star if Tampa ever got their hands on him

  80. People at the stadium seem much more carefree than in the bar I’m in. Must have something to do with the cheap beer here. Lots of angry drunks.

  81. I’m not sure R.A. chalks up a quality start tonight…

  82. Sergio “Best Shape Of His Life” Santos

    …………….first pitch leadoff triple

  83. Santos Little Helper!

  84. Santos like a boss

  85. It’s ok…. just spring training…

    • I guess ST has the same ‘Lull you to sleep’ effect that Joe Madden does when its 3 months long. Wake the fuck up! This is the most imortant game other than the 161 more left over the next 5-6 month

  86. So Santos is filthy.

    Holy what a nasty slider.

  87. 2 strikeouts and 96 on the radar from Santos. Hope he stays healthy this year

  88. Meant to say Radar, love you too.

    • Ya RADAR, he’s been drankin’.

      Now he’s getting sentimental.
      (That or he’s looking to see who’ll go home with him tonight.)
      Take care.

    • You’re famous KGBS.
      Had somebody ask me if you’d posted tonight’
      Just told them you were in a drunken stupor in the wrong thread

  89. Yesterday I took the over on 500 comments for tonight’s game. It’s gonna happen with ease.

  90. Nice to see Cecil hittin 93

  91. The bullpen has been good tonight…nice to see.

  92. Who’s gonna see 42?

  93. Here we go for the ninth. Chris “fuck my team” perez on the mound.

  94. Where were we? Oh yea. That fuckin JPA!!!

  95. Let’s rock this slob, c’mon Linda

  96. 3 Hours ago I would have bet on a 150 win season for the Jays.

    After an opening day loss I’m certain they’re set for 150 losses.

    Oh this roller coaster of emotions.

  97. I really liked Metric and the song Stadium Love… Until the third inning. Please tell me they’re not going to do this every half inning for the entire season!

    • Sigh! Franky you know it’s going to happen. All we can hope is that the Jays make the playoffs so it doesnt inspire hatred every time it comes on.

  98. JP has to manufacture 3 runs here to make up for his fuck ups…good luck kid.

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