It’s getting harder and harder to get myself worked up into a lather about some of the actual things that come out of people’s mouths when they talk about this Jays team, and so I have a feeling I’m going to be a bit more subdued in today’s Anatomy Of A JaysTalk than I am a lot of times. In fact, having listened through it once, I’m just not sure that last night’s edition of JaysTalk– which is available for your listening pleasure through Mike Wilner’s post-game blog post at Sportsnet– was quite the powderkeg of rage-inducement that the internet tried to make it out to be.
Which isn’t to suggest that it doesn’t have its share of jaw-dropping stupidity. Or that it isn’t still a good idea to keep shining a light on this stuff, just to be clear that no one around here is picking on strawmen when we talk about panicky dolts. It’s just… maybe my heart just isn’t quite in it the same way it was the other week. A thing like the last three weeks is liable to do that to a sane person, I think.
Still, though: idiots.
Caller One: Troy in Regina
Troy thinks that the Jays were swinging for the fences too much, and need to make contact.
Why this is a fair enough observation: Uh… because they maybe do? And maybe should? Though that’s just not really who they are as hitters– and as I said in the Concerning Concerns post today, as well as the podcast, it’s actually working out pretty well for Colby Rasmus at the moment. Arencibia, too. These kinds of things get exposed when you’re missing two hitters as great as Bautista and Reyes.
Caller Two: William in Toronto
William would have flipped Dickey and Happ in the rotation, because they could have had a better chance to win two of three and there’s no torque on the elbow throwing a knuckleball. Oh, and because Dickey should never end a series. He wouldn’t be surprised if they got bombed again by seven or eight nothing!
Why this call is particularly infuriating: There’s a nugget of reasonable insight in this disaster of a call. It’s absolute horseshit to suggest that, for no reason in particular, the Jays are going to get torched again tonight, or to suggest having a pitcher go on short rest in damn April. But he’s right that the ideal situation is for Dickey to not finish a series, and for the team he faces to get to see a pitcher working at a completely different speed the following day. It’s just… y’know… come the fucking fuck on.
Caller Three: Nick in Markham
Nick asks if Jose Reyes is injury prone. The Mets didn’t want to re-sign their Cy Young winner, and he faced pitchers last year! Smarter guys than Alex Anthopoulos wanted to trade Dickey and Buhrle and that injury prone sack of shit Jose Reyes for prospects! Anthopoulos thought those prospects would “come to fruition” after he got fired, so he sold the farm and brought in whatever shit he could to make a big show of things!
Why this is about as dumb as it fucking gets: Did you read it? I’d understand if maybe you didn’t because the rage welled up in your eyes before you could fully digest the words, but read it again. Go on, I’ll wait.
Caller Four: Steve in Phenix City, AL
Steve points out how long the season is. He also thinks Colby Rasmus will eventually hit lefties, but he sure can’t now, and wonders if Alex Rios drowned some puppies or pushed an old lady down some stairs.
Why Steve in Phenix City is kinda the best: Apart from being bang on for being beside himself that fans aren’t grasping how long the season is, as well as about Colby’s struggles against lefties, um… seriously, Toronto, what’s with all the booing? In the parlance of Alex Rios, “who gives a fuck?” I mean, he had a pair of five win seasons for the Jays, signed a contract that was slid in front of him, and then– through no choice of his own– had his contract given away to Chicago. So… the ROM thing really still is that big a deal?
In each season from 2006 to 2008 Rios was a more valuable player to the Jays than Brett Lawrie has yet to be. Think about that.
Caller Five: Jerry in Hamilton
Jerry wonders if the Jays trouble are chemistry-related.
Caller Six: Matt in Bakersfield, CA
Matt wants Jays fans to go look at the first fifty games for the Giants and the Tigers last year. He also wonders how the club is going to be able to keep their speedy players in the lineup.
Why Matt has makes a lot of damn sense: On May 26th the Giants were 24-23. On June 6th the Tigers were 25-31. The Dodgers, Rays, Rangers and Clevelands were killing it at that point, too.
And what was that about speed? Meh.
Caller Seven: Ross in Barrie
“This guy seems to me like he’s a peach, or he’s a watermelon,” Ross said of Jose Bautista. Then later on, regarding the same topic, he implored Wilner, “You really think he’s that hurt??”
“He’s had six weeks, alright? In Spring Training. Believe me, I played ball for 40 years,” Ross says.
“At the same level as Jose Bautista, I’m assuming?” Wilner replies.
“Pretty well. I pitch baseball, I go through a lot of pain and I’m back out the next night. … To hear this kind of stuff. You’ve got to be ready to play baseball, and when he lets down a team like that, making the kind of money he is … He’s like Jose Calderon– every time they get a little sore, or something like that, they seem to sit out four or five games. Like, get out there and perform. I mean, your players on your team look at you and say, ‘Oh jeez, I’m hurt, so I’m going to take a few days off’?”
Why showing up in this post is the least of Ross’s worries (also: “they”???): “Over the past three days, some fans have used social media to spit verbal venom at Jose Bautista. A little back pain should not prevent him from playing baseball, they say. The most virulent messages have questioned his masculinity,” writes John Lott of the National Post. “Bautista knows about all of that. He follows Twitter. The bile irks him.
“‘I’m saving a lot of pictures and making myself a nice collage,’ the Toronto Blue Jays slugger said with a scornful smile after Wednesday night’s game.”
Dun dun dunnnnnnnnnn!!!
Seriously, though, this is somehow even dumber than the guy I thought provided the evening’s low ebb.
Caller Eight: Jay in North York
Jay wonders how the Jays can get more offence, and wonders about Melky Cabrera playing in right field, moving Davis to left, and wonders why Bonifacio is sitting for Maicer Izturis at second. He also wonders about roster moves to keep Kawasaki “if and when Reyes comes back.”
Why I wouldn’t be so quick to worry about that: Kawasaki’s slash line over 61 games with the Mariners last year: .192/.257/.202. Fugly. Guy’s fun as fuck though, huh? Let’s hope it lasts.
The best hope for offence is health… or a trade– about which there were some quiet rumblings this week. See today’s DJF podcast for a little more on that.
Caller Nine: Josh in Manhattan
Josh thinks bringing in Ramon Ortiz when down by five runs shows a real lack of faith in the club’s offence.
Why… wouldn’t John Gibbons have little faith in the club’s offence: I mean, seriously. Did you see that lineup? At least he didn’t burn out the bullpen.
Caller Ten: Scott in Stoufville
Scott wonders when the Jays are going to start bunting, and when Anthony Gose is coming up.
Why Scott is pretty much the perfect caller: Scott has suggestions that are pretty fucking ridiculous, but at least he’s polite and calm and not a rambling clusterfuck of incomprehensible gibberish, like…
Caller Eleven: Thomas in Toronto
Thomas wonders the rationale behind people saying that it’s a long season. We know what division the Blue Jays play in! The Yankees and Red Sox look like their old selves! We know the Jays’ record in interleague! So… why not panic??? Panicking equals accountability!
Why Thomas impresses the hell out of me: He’s actually able to use a phone despite having straw for arms and fingers. A walking strawman! And shit, I seem to recall a movie I watched one time that had a man made of straw in it, and he was looking for something– sang a song about it and everything!