Gibbers you ol’ shrapnel-assed sack of shit, what’s cookin’? It’s me, Stoeten!
Now look, John, I know I already wrote you once this week, and I don’t want to make this a habit– especially when what I’m telling you is going to send you into a bloody pissing and shitting rage– but you’re kinda killing me here, John. Killing me.
Oh, don’t look at me like you don’t know exactly what the fuck I’m talking about, John. That tenth inning was a bit of a fucking disaster last night, and as much as pitchers need to make their pitches, you’ve got to understand a little goddamned thing called leverage.
Believe it or not, John, I can live with whatever the fuck that was with the intentional walk to Loney. The microsplits, John– Jesus!– but I do get it. He’s 10-for-18 against lefties this year, with a pair of walks to boot. If he gets a hit there, even though it’s not nearly as likely as those gaudy numbers make you think, you get skewered for it. But John! Casey Janssen! He’s right fucking there! He had already been up and warming in the bullpen!
Maybe– maybe– you worry about burning him too quickly if there’s some directive from on-high that wouldn’t allow him to come back out for another inning because they want you to be easy on his shoulder, but shit… if you’re OK with Brad Lincoln in that situation, doesn’t it maybe follow that you could live with him to start a save situation later on, if you even managed to get yourself there?
I mean, come on, John!
And then you go and throw Lincoln under the bus!
“You shouldn’t lose games like that,” you tell reporters. “You’ve got to throw strikes. It’s pretty simple. It’s not always the easiest thing to do, but you need to throw strikes. Get beat, let ‘em hit their way to victory.”
Like… what the fuck is that??? I mean, you know who can throw strikes, John? The guy who was sitting on his ass out in the bullpen!
And no matter how badly people with oddly tenuous grasps on the notion of leverage want to defend you– saying strange things like: “Even if Gibbons had used Janssen in the highest-leverage situation Thursday night — space-time continuum considerations aside — the result of the game would have been the same. That’s because the highest-leverage situation is the bottom of the ninth of a tie game. You give up a run, you lose. No higher leverage than that.”– the fact is, the leverage index on the spot where Lincoln came in was at its third highest point of the game (double that of the start of the ninth, which, incidentally, was lower than it was for the three batters in the eighth that followed Longoria’s double), just behind Cabrera’s at-bat against Rodney the inning before, and well below the clusterfuck Lincoln found himself in after the walk to Roberts.
Maybe you know this now, John– you damn well should– but it was a situation that screamed for you to use Casey Janssen and to sort out the lead-protecting, if it ever goddamn well came to that, later.
Now, obviously this isn’t a reason to fire you– I’m not jumping on board the cottage cheese brained bandwagon with those fucking dolts– but it was bad, John. A few more like it– especially with the scrutiny so high and your team so badly needing everything to go basically fucking perfect from here on out to have a prayer– and not only will things get ugly, but I won’t be able to defend you.
Don’t let it come to that, John.
Stay gold, Ponyboy,