It’s one of the dumbest things you can do at a baseball game. Forget the extreme likelihood of it being alcohol-fueled. Forget the potential for personal ramifications. Forget the disruptive attributes. Forget the long line of questionable characters who went before you, and with whom, you are henceforth linked.
As a spectator who dares to tread on the stage of the spectacle, your actions are informing 50,000 people – many of whom paid a not-insignificant amount of money to be there – that it is ALL about you. You are altering their experience into a moment of selfish gratification for your own personal attention starvation. You are stealing their time, their focus and their gaze. You are a thief. You are that guy.
Personally, I hate you. I despise you with more energy than is remotely reasonable. I watch you zig-zag around the field, hopeful that a violent blow will befall you that physical pain and existential questions to resonate throughout your body and being. That’s just me.
Fortunately, there are many who are not like me. There are others in possession of a – most likely – healthier attitude toward fans traversing the boundaries of common sense and the field of play. They can laugh at such things.
For instance, there’s the Toronto police officer who filed this arrest report from May 5th, when Joseph Blackspace risked legal trouble and his leg ligaments by running uninvited onto the turf at Rogers Centre.
It reads (sic throughout):
On May 5, 2013 at approximately 3:18 PM the Toronto Blue jays were surprisingly winning against the underrated Seattle Marriners. Our hapless Jays limped along to the bottom of the 8th inning. At one point, the Jays were considered World Series contenders. One can almost forgive the accused for his below described actions.
Luckily, the accused ran onto the field from level 100 and wasn’t forced to jump from the 500 level out of sheer frustration.
In any event, the accused before the court, Joseph [Redacted], in what can only be described as an attempt to inject some kind of spark in our listless Jays, ran onto the field “interrupting” the game, giving jays fans a brief respite from their season long agony.
The accused was subsequently placed under arrest to applause, transported to 52 Division where he was released on a Form 10/11.1.
There’s also Joseph Blackspace’s defense attorney, and even the prosecuting Crown attorney:
This is the sort of season it’s been for the Toronto Blue Jays and their fans. With expectations so severely unfulfilled, we’ve all grown a little more understanding, a little more tolerant and a little more willing to find amusement and laughter in areas we otherwise wouldn’t.
It’s telling that this event occurred in early May, and the season was already being referred to as agonizing. The team’s record in the months that followed presumably served to strengthen the accused’s argument.
To find out more about the story, you can visit Joseph Blackspace’s website - because of course he has one. He’s that guy.
I joke of course, Joseph Blackspace more than made amends with a $1,000 donation to the Jays Care Foundation. Now, if only the Blue Jays could find a way to redeem themselves.