Click to embiggen.

This nifty little image, which comes by way of Redditor atomicbolt (aka the great @mattomic) at r/TorontoBlueJays, is pretty much the best thing you’re going to see today. Also: the most depressing. So why not just put up your feet and phone it in the rest of the way already? That’s my plan!

Crotch grab in the direction of @jon_cookie for the tip.

Comments (99)

  1. That’s @mattatomic on Twitter, isn’t it? Thought I saw him link it yesterday

  2. That’s amazing.

  3. A nobel spirit embiggens the smallest man.

  4. This is outstanding.

    Great start to my Friday with a few belly laughs.

  5. Fantastic. Matt always keeps me entertained.

  6. Just shows you what an epic dump of bad karma the universe took on the Jays last year. Remember their starting 9 were out for 21% (306) of all the games last year. Add to that the disasters at 2nd and catcher and there really is room for a giant improvement.

  7. thanks guys!

    • It happened a few years ago but you could have added to Edwin that he had fireworks explode in his face.

  8. Most. epic. slow. clap. of. all. time…

  9. Slightly off subject. Tanaka signing with the Yankees for $155 million results in the following taxes over the life of the contract:-

    Federal Taxes : $67,270,000, NY State Tax $13,671,000, and City Tax $6,007,800 for a total tax payment of $86,948,800.

    Had he signed with the Cubs his tax bill would have been $75,020,000 and with Arizona $74,307,000.

    Guess his agent gets a big lump for the signing which probably reduces the tax burden.

    Would he have been better in Canada?

    • Maybe he can call himself self-employed and write off his utilities and his car. Could save a couple thousand right there.

      • I always wondered about that.

        Why not sign just on as an independent contractor? Cause in reality, that’s what these ballplayers are.

        As a pro athlete you could make a case for deducting a portion of your specialized diet. team dinners could be considered promotional, pay friends and family a dividend at a preferred rate,etc.

        The combined business tax rate in Ontario is around 25%, that’s a significant savings compared to income tax.

        If anyone bumps into the Beest at a local cigar shop please ask on my behalf, as the eccentric is also a chartered accountant as we’ve learned the hard way.

        • Any athlete with half a brain is being paid through a personal corporation

          • For that matter, they could form their own religion:

            Church of the Nasty Slider….
            ..of Latter Game Lockdowns

        • You can’t just call yourself an independent contractor, or work through a corporation, to increase your tax deductions in Canada. The actual relationship of the worker to the employer is examined, and based on the facts of that relationship it would be determined if you are an employee, or a contractor. Some the facts that are examined:

          the level of control the payer has over the worker’s activities;
          whether the worker provides the tools and equipment;
          whether the worker can subcontract the work or hire assistants;
          the degree of financial risk the worker takes;
          the degree of responsibility for investment and management the worker holds;
          the worker’s opportunity for profit; and
          any other relevant factors, such as written contracts.

          This isn’t everything that could influence a relationship, but it is a good starting point and these are the main areas you would want to examine. I think it would be very unlikely (like a 0.5% chance) that an athlete could make the argument that they were a contractor and not an employee.

          Also, if they tried to just call themselves a corporation and their relationship with the employer was one where, but for the corporation, they would be considered an employee, then the corporation would be deemed a personal services business. I won’t get into the details, but it basically would take away all the tax benefits of being a corporation and result in the athlete paying roughly the same tax as if they were an employee.

          This career in tax has finally paid off!

          • Yes tax man, you are correct. Really I was joking. Though once endorsements and such get factored in, surely you are dealing with a corporation at that point and business lunches, car leases, etc can be written off.

            As a ball player, it would be hard to argue that you are self-employed considering you are contracted AGAINST working for anyone else (in that field).

          • Thanks for this, very informative, clear and direct.

      • in a kinda similar vein, what do we think the odds are more pro atheletes try to IPO after this arian foster poorly timed injury http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/9838351/fantex-brokerage-services-offer-stock-arian-foster-houston-texans

    • It is not quite that simple. Part of his income is earned while playing in Spring Training, and thus is subject to Florida tax (not NY’s high tax rate). 50% of the remainder of his income is earned while playing road games, and thus is subect to the tax rates in effect in each of those other jurisdictions as opposed to the NY state tax rate.

      • Don’t forget, these are very fucking wealthy individuals. One thing we should all know right by now is that these guys don’t end up paying anywhere near their top rate. After his accountants and money managers get involved the tax man will be lucky to have collected half of that.

      • Florida has no income tax

    • Ballplayers pay taxes in lots of different states. 3-game set in Oakland? You’re paying state and local taxes for those 3 days—4 if you didn’t land the day of the first game or take off the night of the last game.

      There was a very interesting article on this someplace about a year ago. I think Wendy Thurm wrote it.

      • Odd they wouldn’t pay the appropriate taxes for the state they reside in. (and play 81 games in)

    • Or he could just call the Cubs and ask for an extra $12K a year? Do you really think they’d balk at that?

  10. Missing Santos, no?

  11. This made my day.

    But wait – I thought they sucked last year because John Gibbons wants to be everyone’s friend, AA won’t sign 10-year contracts and everyone sucks?!?!?!!

  12. Nice work. Melky having a tumor on his spine while playing last season was especially fucked up. I hope he can bounce back from that pretty serious operation.

    This post just reminds me how we still have a hole at 2nd base and probably one spot in the rotation considering last year at this time we thought we had a really good number 2 in Josh Johnson.

    I’m really coming around on the idea that almost as pressing as a starter is a 2b. When you look at the fangraphs depth charts it almost looks like we’re punting the position: http://www.fangraphs.com/depthcharts.aspx?position=Team

    I just don’t know if there’s any time left to fix it, it would be expensive to trade for a Howie Kendrick at this stage and I’m not sure Stephen Drew is even being considered.

  13. Awesome graphic and awesome advice Stoeten. Mail it it Friday commences!

  14. That 2B comment made me laugh out loud at my desk. Brilliant!

  15. Even Janssen had shoulder surgery last winter and pitched through soreness for like the entirety of the 2013 season.

  16. This was awesome! Kudos.

    I will however insist on pointing out that some injuries were freak, some were bad luck while others are expected.

    Brandon Morrow is injury prone, straight facts. So to use the excuse year in and year out that he was on the DL and if he was able to start more than 5 games doesn’t hold water. This is where AA needs to be a GM and make hard decisions, is Morrow a starter to be relied on or just another bullpen arm? I say the latter.

    Cabrera and Reyes were freak injuries. Bautista and Lawrie you can pretty much set your watch to spending an extended amount of time on the DL each season. Add to this any smart GM will factor in player regression, bad seasons players that are just trending to be a pile of dog poop (JP).. What we have here is AA’s team. A team made up of injury prone players, some bad players and some maybes. There’s also some great players in here too.

    The sad part is that AA lucked into some pretty good players on this team and has pissed that good fortune away. Having Bautista and Edwin in the middle if your lineup should be enough for any decent GM to build on.

    • “Bautista and Lawrie you can pretty much set your watch to spending an extended amount of time on the DL each season”

      Bautista has averaged 126 games a year in 5 years with the club. And the first year he wasn’t even considered a starter the whole year.

      Lawrie has averaged 116 and the injuries were freak injuries.

      The rest of your idiotic comment is just as laughable.

      • I’d say 46 games on the DL qualifies as extended wouldn’t you?

        If you want to disagree that’s your right but to say my comments are “idiotic” is pretty lazy…

        Didn’t Bautista and Edwin fall in AA’s lap?

        • But it is for disrelated injuries sustained in the act of playing. And the sample is 2 years. And he happens to be an especially aggressive player and is still learning to temper it. 2 is not a sample. And it is of no predictive value. Lawris could go 10 years without going on the DL again.

          His past injuries aren’t like Lind who keeps getting a sore back from no particular incident other than routine baseball playing.

          • Unrelated ot no the guy is ending up there.. It’s not guaranteed he is on the DL for 40+ games this year but if I were betting I would bet he does.

            Lind is poorly conditioned, even admitted to not working out.

    • Fuck off.

    • Just because someone was injured before, does not guarentee them they will be injured, which is what you are suggesting, it just makes it more likely then average.

  17. [...] guide to the injuries that plagued the 2013 Toronto Blue Jays. As a fan of the team, you’ll laugh, [...]

  18. RT @EricFisherSBJ Jack Morris moving from color man on #BlueJays radio to back to similar position for #Twins. Morris was w Twins radio 2005-11

  19. “Got hit in the dick by a pickoff throw” in green font was pretty funny.

  20. Wilner gonna broadcast.

  21. He seems to have a ridiculously over the top homerun call.

  22. would be cool to add some clickable links to some of the plays we saw, or knew that something, just wasn’t right.

  23. This is awesomely funny.

    Sad to hear about Jack leaving though. :(

    What a mixed emotion day.

  24. Wilner’s in game call is not good. This sucks

  25. His call of the Reyes injury sounded like the Hindenburg. He’s so over the top it’s awful.

  26. Warren Sawkiw anyone?

  27. Yenier Bello as a little insurance policy on Navarro?

  28. Don’t know if this has been posted here but Jack Morris is going back to Minnesota. FUCK!


  29. Top 5 Jays News of the off-season:

    5. Garfoose leaving
    4. Navarro signing
    3. Morris leaving
    2. JP sent walking…


    1. Switch from Pizza Pizza to Pizza Nova

    Hell of a past 3 months.

  30. That graphic is hilarious, love it!

    This is interesting: a Cuban catcher cleared to sign with a MLB team.

    Of course, the Jays are “linked” to him, whatever that is worth.
    I don’t know anything about the guy, but if he can carry a glove
    and not fall down, he’s probably an upgrade on what we have.

    • As much fun as prospects are, I don’t know if catcher is where the Jays ought to be spending their money.

    • It says he’s played in a league with 90 games in 2011 with a little pop.

      This guys doesnt even look like much of an upgrade on kratz, let alone navarro.

  31. Oh God that is hilarious!!

  32. Good read from fangraphs (Tony Blengino – former Mariners Ass. GM) comparing Garza,Ubaldo and Santana


  33. I wonder how much that Ted Rogers statue cost vs. cost of re-signing Jack Morris and Dirk Hayhurst…

  34. Reading the word embiggen washed away all sadness caused by this image.

  35. This is good work.


    Super lawrie-o brothers 1

  37. [...] you are looking for a little humour be sure to check out the 2013 Jays’ Traveling Circus of Injuries over at Drunk Jays Fans. It’s quite humourous, some I had forgotten about and one even [...]

  38. I better start practicing. Aaaaannnnd that ball is crushed,well hit, back, back, back aaaaannnnnnd caught well short of the wall. Blue jays lose. Goodnight folks. (Grins sheepishly)

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