Since the last time picture day rolled around (producing the gem you see above, and many others) theScore has switched their image service from Getty to Reuters, which made me worry a little that we might no longer have access to all the delights of the annual spring training ritual, which took place last week in Dunedin. But we’re in luck, as they’re all there in the new archive, and ripe for our own little annual tradition of making pithy comments about them. So let’s have at it!
“And that’s the hardest part. Today everything is different; there’s no action… have to wait around like everyone else. Can’t even get decent food – right after I got here, I ordered some spaghetti with marinara sauce, and I got egg noodles and ketchup. I’m an average nobody… get to live the rest of my life like a schnook.”
- John Gibbons, May 2014
All the ill-fitting hats in the world aren’t going to hide the fact that they chose keeping me over Syndergaard. Or the ears, apparently.
Many people don’t realize this, but his face has been frozen like that since Nick Markakis tagged him back on May 24th.
Man, Tommy John surgery is great! I think I gained like 50 pounds on my fastball. (A “fastball,” of course, being a complete fast food order compressed together, rolled into a ball, and swallowed whole.)
If I didn’t know that “NW” was for Neil Wagner, I’d tooooootally think it stood for “Non-descript White guy”.
Do y’all know how many cheeseburgers a $2-million signing bonus can buy? Because I do!!
Sorry, before we take this you just… it’s… uh… you’ve got just a little something on your face. Uh… nope. No, didn’t get it. Still there. Just… yeah… just a little something on there. You just… you want a mirror or something?
I call this one “Contract Year Menace.”
Guhhhrrrnnhhrnrnmmmmmghhuggh… uh… [long exhale] … Miss America, dude. Miss fucking America.
Images Rajai Davis via J. Meric/Getty; John Gibbons, Aaron Sanchez, Sean Nolin, Luis Perez, Neil Wagner, Deck McGuire, Adam Lind, Colby Rasmus, Ricky Romero via Kim Klement-USA Today/Reuters.