Blue Jays Orioles Baseball

Continuing our impromptu “You Be You” series, let’s have a look at something rather delicious that was posted over at Orioles Hangout, a Baltimore fan forum that features some delightfully unhinged ramblings, apparently. And, unsurprisingly, didn’t have a whole lot of love after last night’s big win for the Jays, Brett Lawrie, or his “supposedly Canadian” maple bat.

Take it away, “section18″ (everything [sic'd]):

I agree with you 100%. Lawrie has joined the CHEATERS Club in Toronto. With their supposedly Canadian maple bats and the guy who flashes signs in CF this will be a bad series for us. It is what it is. Toronto crushes the ball with some of the longest HR’S you’ll ever see. Their players know they are cheating and act like jerks on the field and in the dugout. Some day MLB will investigate. Their announcers even joke about their long HR’S in Toronto. They say on the air “Wow.” How did he do that?

Lawrie I believe hit his first HR of the season the last Sunday game recently at OP. He hit a homer to deep left field that went to the concourse area where fans walk just below the lower reserved seat section. It was like a lazer. I was at the game Rasmus hit the two out two strike pitch to tie the game off Hunter on Saturday night when they were here recently. I believe they said it was a high outside 97 mph fastball he pulled and crushed to right field. They were still talking about this HR a week after he hit it and they wondered how he pulled that pitch and hit it that far. The guy was a bust with St. Louis and gets traded to Toronto and suddenly finds his HR stroke just like Bautista and Encarnacion. You can google the story from last season or the season before when the Red Sox bullpen saw a guy in the CF seats flashing signs to their hitters. I think they had already hit several HR’S that game and Boston stopped the game and told the umpires who made the guy move. I noticed after the last HR tonight they hit Buck was looking out to the outfield it seemed a long time. We need someone from the team to sit out there in CF and look for the guy. On their next long HR Buck needs to ask to see the bat and have it checked. Not sure about the rule on this. I know the old pine tar story but this is different. I haven’t been watchingToronto closely this year when they bat to see what kind of bats they are using. Last year their HR guys were all using black bats. It’s harder to spot anything on a black bat.

Back to Lawrie. I’ve read and heard players talk about him and they say he is a real jerk and most players don’t like him.

So. Good.

Now, blithely painting with a broad brush when it comes to deranged fans is… kind of what we do around here, so I’m just going to go ahead and say that Baltimore fans are pretty clearly fucked in the head. Because that’s hilarious. Not that anybody needs me to point that out, of course, it’s just… man, the legs that ESPN’s half-baked Man In White story — aka “Worst Cheaters Evar!!!” — ┬áhas managed to have is pretty astounding. Y’know, given that it was utter horseshit and about as statistically sound as the person above’s steaming C.H.U.D. of a mud monkey of a turd of a comment.


Crotch grab in the direction of commenter pastlives for the find. Image of the comment’s author (who might actually, literally, be the best) via Center Field Gate. [Not seen: tinfoil hat].

Comments (63)

  1. did the OrioLOls troll get banned?

  2. This was hilarious. There were a few towards the end of the thread to kind of call the rest out on their bullshit, but for the most part, the Canadian Maple bats, Man in White, etc., their heads are so far up their ass they can probably skip their next physical.

    Orioles fans are realizing that the Orioles just aren’t that good, and after 2012′s fluke playoff appearance, need a way to rationalize their team not being as good.

  3. It isn’t just that one poster either, though. From hanging around that board the last few years, it seems “The Blue Jays are cheaters!!!” meme has really caught on there, and it’s barely even questioned. Just a fact. Bautista and Edwin are on some kind of secret powerful Canadian steroids, and the Man in White is a real thing which really happened, and probably is still happening.

  4. So he’s saying we have a guy in white in every park in MLB? That’s what that whole second paragraph was about right?

    • The Man in White travels around, see. Probably doesn’t even have a valid passport but the Jays pull some strings to get him across the border.

  5. Sorry to hear about GB but glad to hear Drew is still around.

    Hopefully the changes coming to DJF are for the betterment of all mankind.

    • What’s to be sorry about?

      • It was a gathering point for different writers.Different views. Different slants.All in one place.
        Occasional contributors had a forum.
        Also from a nostalgia point of view,something your used to, evolves.
        It’s like when your favorite piece of clothing is gone.
        It may be the time for it and progress is inevetiable but that doesn’t erase the memories.

      • The new layout’s pretty loud. There’s noise from stock pictures distracting me from the stories’ titles. Maybe I’ll get used to it.

        Purely from a usability standpoint, I think I liked the old better. The headline links were easily visible and the lower section only had feature pieces.

        I’d read the headlines to see if anything interesting happened, possibly click one or two of them for more details, then scroll down and click on the feature pieces I wanted to read. The new design turns my usage pattern into an eyewatering exercise in filtering.

      • Were the podcast numbers simply too low even to sustain a weekly broadcast? Not understanding how a hourly show even once a week is a no-go.

  6. The Orioles Hangout also posted that “nobody goes to Jays games”

    From attendance figures on it looks like we average only 1,000 less than Baltimore.

    • Who cares what those retards think.

      They live in the colon of the northeast, they clearly lack good judgment.

    • Let’s be fair – nobody goes to jays games when the orioles are in town – and that’s all they see

  7. I’m surprised they don’t talk more about how PED testing is not done in Canada because of labour bill B-118s.

    If they ever bothered to read up on our labour laws up here they’d suddenly know why we start out slow (spring training being in the US and subject to PED testing) and then get better and better especially after a few long home series.

    Luckily those guys barely know their own laws let alone studying up on ours.

  8. Right because the Blue Jays have somebody in Baltimore who relayed the high fastball sign (not the check swing before it). It wasn’t that…y’know…everybody throws Colby high fastballs with two strikes.

  9. The guy in the picture looks like the devil from that Tenacious D video

  10. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen Jose Bautista use a completely black bat, though I’ve mostly seen him use either a complete beige bat or that half-beige-half caramel looking thing he’s been using this year.

  11. The funniest thing about the man in white, is the logistics don’t even make sense.

    A guy in centre field, 400 feet away, is reading the catchers sign, and relaying it back to the batter in time for him to make adjustments for that? LOLz.

    • That part – actually I don’t think is so strange. When you have an athlete who can pick up the spin of the ball from a pitcher’s hand – a spin in the range of 6000 rpm. Travelling 85mph, and travels for only .2 secs, and also pick up location, and start to swing and try to meet it in time??

      Seeing a guys arm over the pitcher’s shoulder 1 second before all that, doesn’t seem to be to tough for that guy.

      Now how the Man in White gets the sign in time to put his arm up? That’s the break there, unless he has binoculars (which would make him stupid obvious), but even then seeing between a catcher’s legs, when sometimes pitcher’s have trouble seeing it is a a stretch.

      • the man in center also has to crack the code the pitcher and catcher are using to relay the signs

        • It is all stupid. Then again you would have to be stupid to a) live in Baltimore and b) root for the orioles. So I guess it is par for the course

    • I think the 2 of them would make a very passable platoon in the event any of our starting OF get hurt..having the other one on the bench would be nice too.

  12. That quote above is pure gold. Also amusing are the people saying they’d take Nick Swisher over Lawrie “because at least Swisher is a ball player.”

    Um, what?

  13. Thought that was a syringe in that freaks hand at first ‘cuz you know, it’s Baltimore.

  14. Well if Pryzbylewski taught us anything, it’s that Baltimore schools leave something to be desired. Sheeeeeet.

  15. Brett Lawrie is having a nice time in the dugout batting .100 and the goofs on this site are applauding him , interesting,

    whats next , everyone applauding Dusty the ‘cashcow;’ mcggowan for inheriting money year after year from the toronto blue jays.

  16. that was hilarious and made my day. Thank You!

  17. I goto a lot of games. And no offence to the calibre of individual that sits in centre, I’ve never seen many

  18. WOW

    the Jays would be the worst cheaters ever in history if this was true

    no playoffs for 20+ years….I guess it is good to know the fruitcake population is healthy

    • Agreed – that’s some bad cheating. But why stop cheating for a year – as a personal challenge for themselves? “Hey guys, let’s try and do it straight” – or did they cheat their way to 5th place?

  19. On the other hand, if Lawrie played for any other team, I’d probably despise him too.

  20. Queue the Colonel Sanders fans in CF for the remainder of the O’s series. As far as checking bats, what do they expect to find that black paint would hide? Weirdos.


    Check out our awesome tees paying homage to ’93.

  22. I love the Canadian maple comment. Most of the Jays are swinging Marucci, Old Hickory and Tucci lumber. All of which are American companies and wood. The only “Canadian maple” in this series is (I think) Melky’s Sam bat and a couple Orioles swinging B45′s which are Quebec yellow birch.

    And I apologize for my blatant gear whorishness.

  23. Doing that to your kid is borderline child abuse, isn’t it? My goodness…

  24. Well that is a quite spectacularly insane post.

  25. A comment that is perfectly understandable considering how much their educational system lags behind the rest of the worlds.

  26. Just the statement itself makes no sense how would the hitters even see a sign in the centre field seats if there even was one? It would be next to impossible to see the sign from that far out makes no sense

  27. Orioles forum shut down yet?

  28. Excellent I’m all about good music found this great mix!

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