Occasionally at Drunk Jays Fans, we like to invite a guest blogger to share some of their thoughts on the 2007 Toronto Blue Jays. Today, we’re very lucky to have Brandon “Mensa” League join us for this special feature.
Normally, our guest writers will send in a story and we’ll post it, but because Brandon, in his own words, “don’t spell no good,” I’ve transcribed a one-sided telephone conversation I had with Mr. League earlier today.
Please note that I took out some of the stuttering, humming and hawing for spatial reasons. Without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, I give you Brandon League:
Not playing baseball like, totally sucks. But playing baseball is awesome. I’d rather play baseball.
My arm is sick right now, so I can’t play baseball. Well, I can. I do play some baseball, but not in games. I pitch for some guys who wear track suits and they tell me different ways to throw the ball. Track suits are totally rad.
If I had a track suit like made of gold, that would be awesome. I’d wear it all the time. I wish I had a surfboard made of gold. I’d sell it and make a million dollars. Then, I’d buy a million gold surfboards and sell all of them for a million dollars each.
Last night, JP, my boss, yelled at me over the telephone. He said that I was too stupid to remember how to throw. I told him that maybe he was too stupid to remember how to . . . and then I forgot what he said, so my rad comeback wasn’t so rad.
I also told him that his words were like sticks and stones to my bones. I hung up.
Bones are funny things. They’re white and hard, but you can break them as easily as they break other stuff.
JP said that if I can’t pitch fast, they’re going to surgery me to see why not. I told him that wasn’t nice. Surgering is when they make you pass out and they cut you with knives until you feel better.
Sometimes, I just pass out.
JP said that the bullpen would be fine if I wasn’t such a meathead. That made me picture something crazy in my mind.