Continuing our impromptu “You Be You” series, let’s have a look at something rather delicious that was posted over at Orioles Hangout, a Baltimore fan forum that features some delightfully unhinged ramblings, apparently. And, unsurprisingly, didn’t have a whole lot of love after last night’s big win for the Jays, Brett Lawrie, or his “supposedly Canadian” maple bat.
Take it away, “section18″ (everything [sic'd]):
I agree with you 100%. Lawrie has joined the CHEATERS Club in Toronto. With their supposedly Canadian maple bats and the guy who flashes signs in CF this will be a bad series for us. It is what it is. Toronto crushes the ball with some of the longest HR’S you’ll ever see. Their players know they are cheating and act like jerks on the field and in the dugout. Some day MLB will investigate. Their announcers even joke about their long HR’S in Toronto. They say on the air “Wow.” How did he do that?
Lawrie I believe hit his first HR of the season the last Sunday game recently at OP. He hit a homer to deep left field that went to the concourse area where fans walk just below the lower reserved seat section. It was like a lazer. I was at the game Rasmus hit the two out two strike pitch to tie the game off Hunter on Saturday night when they were here recently. I believe they said it was a high outside 97 mph fastball he pulled and crushed to right field. They were still talking about this HR a week after he hit it and they wondered how he pulled that pitch and hit it that far. The guy was a bust with St. Louis and gets traded to Toronto and suddenly finds his HR stroke just like Bautista and Encarnacion. You can google the story from last season or the season before when the Red Sox bullpen saw a guy in the CF seats flashing signs to their hitters. I think they had already hit several HR’S that game and Boston stopped the game and told the umpires who made the guy move. I noticed after the last HR tonight they hit Buck was looking out to the outfield it seemed a long time. We need someone from the team to sit out there in CF and look for the guy. On their next long HR Buck needs to ask to see the bat and have it checked. Not sure about the rule on this. I know the old pine tar story but this is different. I haven’t been watchingToronto closely this year when they bat to see what kind of bats they are using. Last year their HR guys were all using black bats. It’s harder to spot anything on a black bat.
Back to Lawrie. I’ve read and heard players talk about him and they say he is a real jerk and most players don’t like him.
Now, blithely painting with a broad brush when it comes to deranged fans is… kind of what we do around here, so I’m just going to go ahead and say that Baltimore fans are pretty clearly fucked in the head. Because that’s hilarious. Not that anybody needs me to point that out, of course, it’s just… man, the legs that ESPN’s half-baked Man In White story — aka “Worst Cheaters Evar!!!” — has managed to have is pretty astounding. Y’know, given that it was utter horseshit and about as statistically sound as the person above’s steaming C.H.U.D. of a mud monkey of a turd of a comment.
Crotch grab in the direction of commenter pastlives for the find. Image of the comment’s author (who might actually, literally, be the best) via Center Field Gate. [Not seen: tinfoil hat].
Two-for one media bonus time, here, because I can’t be arsed to make two separate posts!
First up — after the jump — we’ve got some funny stuff from the folks behind the great web series Just Passing Through, as they pretty much hit the nail on the head in laying out all the hopes and concerns that surround this year’s edition of the Blue Jays. Give it a watch, and give them a follow at @jpt2013.
Then! When you’ve got some time on your hands, are find yourself champing at the bit for the home opener to just get here already, and are ready to sit down for some good baseball-related tunes, and a chat with yours truly in between, check out a very special baseball-themed edition of the great, local, all-vinyl-and-alcohol podcast, Two Turntables And A Bottle Of Wine. Give them a follow, too, at @ttbwpodcast, and have a listen below!
Rather than spend a few extra seconds working on today’s game threat, shamelessly self-promoting @SportsBarHeroes, venting about Ervin Santana, or… I dunno… walking to get a burrito maybe? I’m going to mail in a post and share this delightful little slice of nostalgic awesome with you all, because… holy lord this is all so the best.
I mean… if this isn’t the new line of Blue Jays hats, shirts, jackets, jeans, and moustaches within six months, then you know something with this organization is especially fucked. Because… I mean… obviously.
Crotch grab in the direction of @ToddRadom for the pic!
Mother effer! Here’s a little clip that showed up on Melky Cabrera’s Instagram page last night, and if you weren’t inclined to believe the reports or the live game footage that’s suggested he’s in much better shape this spring than the broken down, tumour-ridden carcass we saw last season — which… actually isn’t funny: Melky and his family feared for his life when he first heard the diagnosis, as John Lott told us in the National Post last week — maybe you will now.
I mean, the need to throw a medicine ball through a tire from thirty-odd feet comes up only rarely in game situations, but this is still a pretty damn impressive display — and one that 2013 Melky wouldn’t have had a prayer of pulling off, I suspect.
Crotch grab in the direction of @AnthaV for the link!
Yes, the Tumwater High School Baseball team, from Tumwater, Washington (about an hour south of Seattle), has taken the logo from those great Blue Jays teams of the early 2000s and made it their own. The Tumwater T-Birds might only be the 653rd best high school team in the nation, but they’ve easily become my favourite American high school baseball team.
And I don’t know about you, but if this 2014 Jays season falls apart in a hurry, I could see myself listening online to the local Tumwater radio station (KUOW 1340AM!) to see how the young men, wearing the most underrated Blue Jays logo, are doing. Rumour has it that Manager Jamie Weeks is coaching the boys up real nice in the fundamentals of the game and they could make a run at State. (follow Mr. Weeks on Twitter!)
Now, knowing the Blue Jays keen sense of public perception, they’ll probably sue the hell out of the Tumwater T-Birds. Shutting down, not only the baseball program, but the entire school of Tumwater. Parents, balking at the cost of shipping their kids to Olympia for schooling, will move their families out of Tumwater. Essentially turning the once vibrant baseball town into a shell of its former self.
OR, you know, the Jays could make up for the annoying begging that has been their twitter account pushing the #FaceOfMLB and do something fun like donate a bunch of the old Jays T-Bird gear to these kids. Which would ACTUALLY be doing something for a good cause.
The T-Birds Honda Home Opener is March 12th. State! State! State!
Thanks to Dave Burrows for the post. I repeat, this is a guest post.
Philadelphia’s annual Wing Bowl took place this morning — note: morning — and while you maybe can’t quite tell from the dual beer cans and gushing foam blocking his face, that Steve Austin lookin’ motherfucker right there is none other than Matt Stairs. Doing the Great White North proud!
The image above comes from Philly Sports Live’s David Malandra (@DaveM_PSL), but don’t sell your afternoon short by settling for just the still image. After the jump, by way of the 700 Level and Comcast Sportsnet, we’ve got the video, and… um… remember when the CBC did that Greatest Canadian thing Tommy Douglas won? Might want to revote.
This nifty little image, which comes by way of Redditor atomicbolt (aka the great @mattomic) at r/TorontoBlueJays, is pretty much the best thing you’re going to see today. Also: the most depressing. So why not just put up your feet and phone it in the rest of the way already? That’s my plan!
Crotch grab in the direction of @jon_cookie for the tip.