Anyone who tells you that six games is nothing to worry about is clearly one of those “sample size” types. Here’s what you need to know about sample size: it’s for nerds, basement dwellers, and chronic mastburbators. The Blue Jays are 2-4 following two disappointing series versus the Cleveland Indians and Boston Red Sox. Reams of historical data indicate that very few baseball teams have ever recovered from such a horrible start to make the playoffs. As any real fan would tell you, the 2013 Blue Jays are finished, man.
In an effort to save the city’s greatest baseball minds some time, I have taken it upon myself to craft their headlines for the the club’s next 10 series. All that’s left to fill in are the intricate one-sentence paragraphs.
As I stare down the next six weeks or so of Blue Jays baseball I see a winless Mark Buehrle, the return of Vernon Wells, heavy verbiage with minimal substance, beat writers lobbying for retired knuckleball catchers, pointless PED bemoaning, trolling, questions about chemistry, likening the Blue Jays’ selection of Ricky Romero at 6th overall to the Maple Leafs taking Rob Pearson 12th, and so much more.
Here are your Toronto Blue Jays headlines through early May:
Maybe Buehrle should bring a pitbull (mentality) to the mound – by Damien Cox
Vernon Wells takes booing in stride – by Bob Elliott
R.A. Dickey, the weight of expectations, and pursuit in the face of defeat – by Bruce Arthur
Off the heels of the pitch-perfect 2013 Blue Jays Adventure RPG video comes a new video-game parody about the Toronto Blue Jays for your viewing pleasure.
This one, called Super Baseball Toronto GM Ninja Battle is a street-fighter style tale of Alex Anthopolous and his rise to power as the GM of the Jays. I won’t spoil any of the battles for you, just know that digital Beeston is nails.
This video is part of a great longread from Canadian Business and is the master work of @Cashewmirman, a Jays must-follow and creator of such frequently awesome content that I am sincerely doubting my own abilities in comparison. Check out all of his work at Weekend Punks, which currently features an animation of Anthony Gose running through a wall.
Jays prospect Dan Norris– who… I like the look of this guy– will start 2013 at Lansing (per the Jays’ minor league roster list at Batter’s Box) despite turning in an fugly-looking season last year in stops at Bluefield and Vancouver.
That… uh… that might be because Norris, who is listed at 6’2, appears to be a touch more athletic than your average hat-wearing bearded guy– not that I would know anything about that. Or, at least, that’s what it appears like from one of the most recent photos on his Instagram page. So maybe the Jays think he’s going to be able to work through whatever issues he had with command and delivery (reports were that his stuff was still terrific).
I just wish R.A. Dickey could somehow learn to endear himself to Toronto fans. Since being traded to the team from the New York Mets and signing a team-friendly contract this off-season, he’s proven to be such a tough sell to supporters.