Congratulations to Jays broadcasters Buck Martinez and Pat Tabler for having their contracts extended for five more years, which is totally an I-shit-you-not real thing coming from the offices of Sportsnet this afternoon.
To the rest of us? UGHHHHHHH.
“I’m just glad the ‘five year policy’ finally worked in our favour,” tweets @Doron_B, evoking the grim spectre of even more Buck and Pat than just this, and offering a brief moment of levity here, but… ugh.
I guess I might as well just learn to appreciate them, which is funny because if they actually took the time to try to learn and appreciate certain things they may not necessarily like — not thinking like total fucking dinosaurs comes to mind — maybe it would be easier. Though easier still is to just try to get a kick of how weird they are, what fucking things they prattle on about, and how Buck says things like “air” (error), “tinth” (tenth), “mayzure” (measure) and, of course, Encarnyasheeownn.
And I know… I know… Buck and Pat aren’t there for my benefit or the benefit of people like us. They’re not there to introduce big new concepts to people who just want to plunk themselves on the couch after a hard day of work and relax for a few moments before the bumbling Blue Jays start to make their blood absolutely boil. They’re also, if we’re being totally honest, not nearly as bad as a lot of other team’s broadcasters. Relatively speaking we may even have it pretty good, insane as that is to contemplate. But that hardly feels like an excuse for continuing the mind-bending banality of these myth-regurgitating personifications of beige and utterly tone deaf prisms through which Jays fans are forced to consume the game.
- … that’s the first MLB hit for Dalton Pompey and OH MY GOODNESS DEREK JETER IS THERE! DID YOU SEE WHAT DEREK JETER JUST DID? ISN’T DEREK JETER INCREDIBLE? WHAT A MOMENT FOR… UH… THIS YOUNGSTER, TO HAVE DEREK JETER BE ON THE FIELD AT THE SAME TIME AS DEREK JETER. WHAT DO YOU THINK, PAT? [Donkey noise] –
Thing is, Buck and Pat are there to be the soft, comfortable faces and voices of a company and a broadcast that would prefer to not alienate its core audience, rather than attempt to spark interest in the game for anybody else, which… is probably a fairly savvy idea, from a business perspective. Anyone here on this site is already finding other ways to satiate his or her appetite for the game, and many of us are already cutting our cable and watching on MLB.tv, which gives us actual choices as to the broadcast we hear. Maybe I’m projecting the way I do things too much onto everyone else around here, but complain as we might — and we sure do — Buck and Pat are sort of just an incidental part of our baseball experience.
That said, I don’t particularly like this any more that you do. In fact, I had a conversation the other day with someone where I agreed that, despite all the griping we did at the time, I’d even be very OK with giving Jamie Campbell another chance at the mic, which at the earliest now won’t come until the totally made-up sounding year of 2021! But if you’re a company like Sportsnet and you’re thinking about your core demographic and what they want to hear and valuing stability and fearing the unknown, to simply re-hire a tried-and-true couple of recognizable oldies like Buck and Pat? Shit, you have to.