Archive for the ‘Gibbers’ Category


As you can see from the 4/5 and 5/4 next to the names of Brett Lawrie and Maicer Izturis above, some funny stuff from John Gibbons today, who I’m guessing is trying to lighten the mood around his club, especially among the media that– myself included– has been hanging on every single slice of minutiae they can find, and trying to divine from it content of great significance.

Or maybe he’s actually pulling a Jimy Williams, and intends to have Brett Lawrie play at third base tonight when right-handed hitters are at the plate, and then swap him with Maicer Izturis at second when it’s a lefty facing R.A. Dickey.

Based on their tweets, the media hordes seem skeptical Gibbers would actually try something so unorthodox (thereby solidifying his position as… y’know… the best). They seem to figuring he’s actually just fucking with them. Which… actually is kinda fantastic too.

Either way, then, eh?



Image via @TSNScottyMac.


Nifty little picture here of Jose Reyes, by way of Will Hennessy– aka @Williciousness– who tweets that “Reyes made good contact, ran well, fielded smooth today.”

That’s… just… fucking… awesome.

The pic is from the sim game referred to here, by Shi Davidi, who has even more decent news on the injury front:

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Dear John… – Gibberish!


Gibbers you ol’ shrapnel-assed sack of shit, what’s cookin’? It’s me, Stoeten!

Now look, John, I know I already wrote you once this week, and I don’t want to make this a habit– especially when what I’m telling you is going to send you into a bloody pissing and shitting rage– but you’re kinda killing me here, John. Killing me.

Oh, don’t look at me like you don’t know exactly what the fuck I’m talking about, John. That tenth inning was a bit of a fucking disaster last night, and as much as pitchers need to make their pitches, you’ve got to understand a little goddamned thing called leverage.

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Dear John… – Gibbers Edition!


Howdy there, Gibbers, you ol’ sack of shit! How goes it?!? It’s me, Stoeten!

I know, I know, it’s been far too long since the two of us slugged back a few cold pops and got right proper shittered, but you were gone a long time, John. Shit, you were almost gone again before I could sober myself up long enough to get this letter written to you, weren’t you? Hahahaha!

Now, simmer down John! Simmer down. I’m not laughing like I’m Richard Griffin or Steve Simmons trying to convince mouth-breathers and the delinquents who skipped class the day they taught critical thinking that you’re not imbued with sufficient enough fucking magic to keep a team full of stars and veterans from not playing like shit just because they happen to be in your presence. This is me, John. This is Stoeten.

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For those of you unfamiliar with the long, sordid history of this site– back to the days of inside jokes like the one above, in which I believe Bergkamp likened Marty York, formerly of the Globe and Mail, Metro, and (perhaps not formerly) submitting blank Hall Of Fame ballots save for the written-in name of Pete Rose, to the spam emails he got for dick pills– Marty York, and his reality-detached ramblings, was used as something as a foil for us. Which is just a way to mangle the language into sounding more polite about how we pretty much just looked at what he wrote and mocked it with the derision of 1000 suns. Which… actually was par for the course for every writer who crossed our paths back then, now that you mention it.

York was a particularly delicious target, though, for reasons that Parkes scathingly, hilariously (now for different reasons) pointed out when York crossed the line in mid-May of 2008, suggesting that in the near future John Gibbons would be fired by the Blue Jays, and that his replacement would be Cito Gaston.

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Now that Jays fans have breathed something resembling a sigh of relief, following a series-tying win over the White Sox in a game where R.A. Dickey looked, for a second time (third, really) very much like exactly the ridiculous unhittable knuckleball machine that the team thought it was getting, it seems like maybe a good moment to note some of the other reasons why, despite some early disillusionment, this season is going to be a hell of a fun thing.

No, not in the “they have talent, they’ll be fine, asshole” kind of way that we’ve pretty much exhausted around here over the last three weeks. Not even in the jaws-dropped at R.A. Dickey GIFs (via gamereax) way, but in the “holy shit, Gibbers going full fuckin’ Al Bundy in the dugout, what a boss!” kind of way.

That is… just… spectacular. Hahahahaha.

But if there is character that needs to be highlighted in a mailed-in post on the awesomeness of the group– post Jose Reyes injury, of course– it’s Munenori Kawasaki.

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Jose Bautista is out of the lineup for the Jays again tonight, with several reporters tweeting that John Gibbons informed them of his condition this afternoon. The manager noted that the slugger’s back– not the ear infection that had tin foil hats racing off the shelves when fans first became aware of it last night– is the problem as, according to multiple tweets, it’s still bothering him a little bit, and he hasn’t swung a bat in two days.

What he has done, apparently, is get caught in this bizarre scene that was tweeted this afternoon by’s weird, trending shit repository, Cut4. (After, apparently, it was put on Instagram yesterday by Jose Reyes.)

The caption reads, simply: “Reyes’ sprained ankle + Melky in a belly shirt = this weird, amazing photo.”

So… y’know… for those of you who’d been asking me why Cabrera isn’t quite as fast a runner as you’d figured, uh… there you go.

Addtional scuttlebutt from Gibbons after the jump…

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