Archive for the ‘Gibbers’ Category

Dear John… – Gibberish!

dearjohn-gibbers

Gibbers you ol’ shrapnel-assed sack of shit, what’s cookin’? It’s me, Stoeten!

Now look, John, I know I already wrote you once this week, and I don’t want to make this a habit– especially when what I’m telling you is going to send you into a bloody pissing and shitting rage– but you’re kinda killing me here, John. Killing me.

Oh, don’t look at me like you don’t know exactly what the fuck I’m talking about, John. That tenth inning was a bit of a fucking disaster last night, and as much as pitchers need to make their pitches, you’ve got to understand a little goddamned thing called leverage.

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Dear John… – Gibbers Edition!

dearjohn-gibbers

Howdy there, Gibbers, you ol’ sack of shit! How goes it?!? It’s me, Stoeten!

I know, I know, it’s been far too long since the two of us slugged back a few cold pops and got right proper shittered, but you were gone a long time, John. Shit, you were almost gone again before I could sober myself up long enough to get this letter written to you, weren’t you? Hahahaha!

Now, simmer down John! Simmer down. I’m not laughing like I’m Richard Griffin or Steve Simmons trying to convince mouth-breathers and the delinquents who skipped class the day they taught critical thinking that you’re not imbued with sufficient enough fucking magic to keep a team full of stars and veterans from not playing like shit just because they happen to be in your presence. This is me, John. This is Stoeten.

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martyyork

For those of you unfamiliar with the long, sordid history of this site– back to the days of inside jokes like the one above, in which I believe Bergkamp likened Marty York, formerly of the Globe and Mail, Metro, and (perhaps not formerly) submitting blank Hall Of Fame ballots save for the written-in name of Pete Rose, to the spam emails he got for dick pills– Marty York, and his reality-detached ramblings, was used as something as a foil for us. Which is just a way to mangle the language into sounding more polite about how we pretty much just looked at what he wrote and mocked it with the derision of 1000 suns. Which… actually was par for the course for every writer who crossed our paths back then, now that you mention it.

York was a particularly delicious target, though, for reasons that Parkes scathingly, hilariously (now for different reasons) pointed out when York crossed the line in mid-May of 2008, suggesting that in the near future John Gibbons would be fired by the Blue Jays, and that his replacement would be Cito Gaston.

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gibbythebest

#GibbyTheBest

Now that Jays fans have breathed something resembling a sigh of relief, following a series-tying win over the White Sox in a game where R.A. Dickey looked, for a second time (third, really) very much like exactly the ridiculous unhittable knuckleball machine that the team thought it was getting, it seems like maybe a good moment to note some of the other reasons why, despite some early disillusionment, this season is going to be a hell of a fun thing.

No, not in the “they have talent, they’ll be fine, asshole” kind of way that we’ve pretty much exhausted around here over the last three weeks. Not even in the jaws-dropped at R.A. Dickey GIFs (via gamereax) way, but in the “holy shit, Gibbers going full fuckin’ Al Bundy in the dugout, what a boss!” kind of way.

That is… just… spectacular. Hahahahaha.

But if there is character that needs to be highlighted in a mailed-in post on the awesomeness of the group– post Jose Reyes injury, of course– it’s Munenori Kawasaki.

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WTFJays

Jose Bautista is out of the lineup for the Jays again tonight, with several reporters tweeting that John Gibbons informed them of his condition this afternoon. The manager noted that the slugger’s back– not the ear infection that had tin foil hats racing off the shelves when fans first became aware of it last night– is the problem as, according to multiple tweets, it’s still bothering him a little bit, and he hasn’t swung a bat in two days.

What he has done, apparently, is get caught in this bizarre scene that was tweeted this afternoon by MLB.com’s weird, trending shit repository, Cut4. (After, apparently, it was put on Instagram yesterday by Jose Reyes.)

The caption reads, simply: “Reyes’ sprained ankle + Melky in a belly shirt = this weird, amazing photo.”

So… y’know… for those of you who’d been asking me why Cabrera isn’t quite as fast a runner as you’d figured, uh… there you go.

Addtional scuttlebutt from Gibbons after the jump…

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Searching In Vain For A Culprit

Cleveland Indians v Toronto Blue Jays

Baseball is a funny game sometimes– almost as funny as its fans. The Jays wasted an excellent Josh Johnson start, losing 4-3 to the White Sox on Tuesday night, in a game where John Gibbons’ debatable, yet defensible, decisions are being blamed in many quarters for the defeat. Indeed, baseball games are often won or lost on the margins– on nearly imperceptible inches and either-or decisions with slim differences between possible outcomes.

What gets me sometimes, though, is how hung up we get on one instance or another being the misstep, the spot we can place the blame for defeat, when no such point really actually exists. In tonight’s game, for example, looming over every late-game decision that John Gibbons made, is the fact that his club– his lineup, which benefited from his argued-against decision to bat J.P. Arencibia third– could only score two runs on Dylan Axelrod, a 27-year-old 30th round pick with 79 career innings in the big leagues, who put up both a FIP and an ERA above five last year, and whose fastball so far in 2013 has averaged less than 88.

The Jays’ first run allowed was the result of a pitch in the dirt that J.P. Arencibia couldn’t handle, while Josh Johnson was in the process of striking out Hector Gimenez. The home side could have caught a big break in the fifth, when after a lead-off Colby Rasmus walk, Maicer Izturis hit a ball down the first base line that may have had eyes for a double… had it not landed in Paul Konerko’s Adam Dunn’s glove.

Yet for all the weirdness that came before it, the loss was all John Gibbons’ fault, if you ask some.

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gibbonswatches

Gibbons, come on, man, you can’t leave the desk like that!

In anticipation of the hoopla over the weekend, I was saving this one as on last kick in the ass on the way out of town for the Senator from Massachusetts, John Farrell, but… since the series against the Red Sox didn’t quite work out the way anyone outside of Greater Massholia had hoped, it didn’t seem real appropriate to post it. Today, though, I think we’re all safely calmed, ready for the Detroit Tigers, and ready to hear how, on an episode of Tim and Sid last week, J.P. Arencibia compared the communication the club received from ol’ fuckface with how it’s been like so far with Gibbers.

SID SEIXEIRO: How, so far, has John Gibbons communicated with you guys in comparison to Farrell. What are the differences?

J.P. ARENCIBIA: I feel like just more letting the guys be themselves and play the game. And, you know, understand that guys are here for a reason and they’ve done what’s made them successful, and you need to let them go out there and not try to force the hand or change the way the game is played. I think last year we might have tried to reinvent the wheel a little bit, and that hurt us sometimes. So I think Gibbons really has a laid back feel. But, I think another thing that he did, and he did with me yesterday, is that I missed a sign and I came into the dugout and he was all over me, and, you know, ripping me apart– in a great way. And I think that’s necessary, and we didn’t have that last year, and I think that’s a big part of who he is.

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