And that’s not the only hot breaking scoop to pass along!
- Heyman: Sky Blue
- Heyman: Water Wet
- Heyman: Women’s Breasts Strangely Alluring
I know, I know, I was stunned too about the water thing.
Of course, what’s Heyman to do here? Not engage in clickbait? Shit, I clicked on it, and I knew there was going to be precisely zero of value to me in his piece. Then again, fans in other markets may be interested to know that the Jays are hypothetically willing to add a $15-million contract to their payroll, or that there is a baseball team in Canada named the Blue Jays — and that they actually play in the major leagues? Naomi Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatts?
Heyman also pulls the trusty old high school trick of pumping up his fluff with a few filler paragraphs like this one:
Word from someone familiar with the Blue Jays’ thinking is that they are so pleased with Cabrera both on and off the field that it is an “easy decision” for them to make him a qualifying offer. Toronto actually hopes it leads to another multi-year arrangement with Cabrera, who should be one of the better hitters on a thin market.
No word on whether he adjusted the margins to make the piece look bigger.
Heyman also says he thinks Melky owes the Jays for believing in him when he was at his lowest point, coming off his P.E.D. suspension. Because that’s totally how this stuff usually works!
Don’t get me wrong, though, I’m all for it if Melky’s hellbent on re-signing here.
Anyway, I’m sure we’ll get an equally valuable piece when Cabrera inevitably declines. Frankly, I’m already breathless in anticipation.