For those who don’t remember Fire Joe Morgan, a blog that ceased publishing new material back in 2008, it was the gold standard in hilarious sports media criticism, and was ripped off countless times on this site, and many, many others over the years.
They’d take the worst baseball columns they could find and rip them to shreds line-by-line, and today– though it seems somewhat pointless now, since, according to a tweet from Jamie Campbell, we know that Alex Anthopoulos says John Gibbons will return next season– for old times sake I’ve hijacked their classic format to go through (er… almost– I’ve excised a few chunks of it) a certain article from the Toronto Star, if for no other reason than because it’s pretty seriously great fun (even when I half-ass and swear my way through a pale imitation).
Also, y’know, because I feel bad for people who read this stuff and take it seriously, and would like to use my little outlet to help wrestle the discourse back towards sanity in any way that I can.
So, here we go with more John Gibbons babble. For those not familiar with the format, it should become obvious real quick, but I’ll give you a hint: the lines from the original piece are in bold, and my comments are below. Enjoy!
If the Boston Red Sox had taken the approach many suggest the Blue Jays must now take, Bobby Valentine would still be the manager.