Archive for the ‘Off Daze’ Category

Cleveland Indians v Toronto Blue Jays

Anyone who tells you that six games is nothing to worry about is clearly one of those “sample size” types. Here’s what you need to know about sample size: it’s for nerds, basement dwellers, and chronic mastburbators. The Blue Jays are 2-4 following two disappointing series versus the Cleveland Indians and Boston Red Sox. Reams of historical data indicate that very few baseball teams have ever recovered from such a horrible start to make the playoffs. As any real fan would tell you, the 2013 Blue Jays are finished, man.

In an effort to save the city’s greatest baseball minds some time, I have taken it upon myself to craft their headlines for the the club’s next 10 series. All that’s left to fill in are the intricate one-sentence paragraphs.

As I stare down the next six weeks or so of Blue Jays baseball I see a winless Mark Buehrle, the return of Vernon Wells, heavy verbiage with minimal substance, beat writers lobbying for retired knuckleball catchers, pointless PED bemoaning, trolling, questions about chemistry, likening the Blue Jays’ selection of Ricky Romero at 6th overall to the Maple Leafs taking Rob Pearson 12th, and so much more.

Here are your Toronto Blue Jays headlines through early May:

Maybe Buehrle should bring a pitbull (mentality) to the mound – by Damien Cox

Vernon Wells takes booing in stride – by Bob Elliott

R.A. Dickey, the weight of expectations, and pursuit in the face of defeat – by Bruce Arthur

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I don’t care if he doesn’t play here any more, this holds up.

It’s an off-day Monday for the Toronto Blue Jays, as they head up the California coast from Anaheim to Oakland, where they’ll square off against the A’s tomorrow night. This means there really isn’t a whole hell of a lot going on today– thanks again, Batting Stance Guy!– at least, until tonight’s tilt between the Royals and Red Sox, which I’ll be viewing as punishment for my criminally-low guess at the cumulative attendance of this weekend’s Mariners-Twins series as part of our #PropHate segment on the Getting Blanked Show. (Note: Follow me– @AndrewStoeten– on Twitter to enjoy the laborious ride, and watch Getting Blanked every Thursday for more #PropHate).

That being the case, let’s look at what’s coming up for the Jays as they finish off their road trip before heading back home into a clusterfuck of a scheduling minefield, with visits the following week from the Rays and Yankees (and the Mets), before they take their show back on the road to Tampa and Texas.


TUE: Romero (4-0, 3.89 xFIP) vs. McCarthy (2-3, 4.25 xFIP)
WED: Morrow (3-1, 3.74 xFIP) vs. Parker (1-0, 3.64 xFIP)

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