Archive for the ‘Simmer Down’ Category


The difference, in baseball, between victory and defeat can be– often is— a matter of inches. We can see this above, with these images of how close Miguel Cabrera was to snagging a pair of key doubles in yesterday’s come-from-behind win over the Tigers. But it was also evident in the mere inches Prince Fielder beat the ball to first base on a pair of hits that didn’t make it out of the infield, in the slight difference between a ball and a strike during Casey Janssen’s impressive ninth, and in essentially every single other play that took place over the course of the six-plus hours from the scheduled first pitch until Andy Dirks lined out to Maicer Izturis.

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Listen, we all know that sitting and waiting for a baseball trade to be processed in the middle of November is about as stressful as things can possibly be, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t steps you can take to minimize the insanity and maximize your experience of such an exciting time. As an expert in creative ways to waste time and hide mental instability, I have compiled a pretty comprehensive DO and DON’T list to get us all through this trying time. Read the rest of this entry »

And the Comments Go Nuts

We lost a lot of good minds out there yesterday. Over an injury to Kyle Drabek???

Seriously. Check the comments on the post about it.

I don’t quite know why that was the catalyst, but combined with a sweep at the hands of the Washington Nationals, Brandon Morrow’s injury, abandonment by Vlad Guerrero and the creeping sensation that this is just another season to be swallowed whole by the dark cloud that is the Jays’ Mediocrity Era, a lot of commenters began to come absolutely fucking unhinged.

Granted, those who comment here make up a pretty tiny portion of overall readership (sorry, RADAR), and many who do were fighting the good fight against the tyranny of saying ball-gobblingly absurd things, but given that Wilner has similarly felt the need to address the mood of the room in his latest at Sportsnet, I think it’s safe to say a lot of people are having these same feelings– these same ridiculous feelings.

Thing is, though, quite honestly, it makes my fucking head hurt to even contemplate going back into it more than I already have today– all this past winter’s battles about Rogers, payroll, timelines for contention, laughable horseshit who’s an apologist, saying fuck it and trading Bautista, and…

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Holy shitballs, who knew that Jays fans were so full-on thirsty for the opportunity for some good, old fashioned, staggeringly-moronic pants-shitting panic?

While there remain a lot of completely reasonable folks out there beating back the trolls with cool-headed logic, things sure have gone shit ape bonkers in the comments on this morning’s post about Eric Thames’ demotion. Because… y’know… what reason isn’t there to lose one’s mind after the completely reasonable and expected demotion of a guy who’d barely scraped past an at-his-worst Travis Snider on the depth chart, coming– as it did– on the heels of a great pitching performance from Drew Hutchison, a shitty road trip in which the club was two extra innings losses away from going 3-3 against very possibly the two best teams in baseball, and the thoroughly sane decision to demote Adam Lind, after the defensible– yet admittedly questionable– decision this winter to give one more go at squeezing some value out of what could have been an eminently team-friendly contract, had Lind ever managed to regain his 2009 form.

Thing is, I find it hard to entirely blame the casual– or dim-witted hardcore– fan for losing his or her shit when the ridiculous “Jays in Crisis” meme is being endorsed (read: milked for all its worth) by the mainstream media likes of Richard Griffin of the Toronto Star, and Steve Simmons of the Toronto Sun– who fills his piece with enough screaming idiocy to get it shit on by Toronto Sun readers and to make Griffin’s essay look rather quaint by comparison. These guys could combine forces to write as “Richard Simmons” and would still have trouble churning out this kind of panicky fucking dreck– but I bet they’d look fabulous doing it! HEYO!

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