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As you’re more than likely aware, we at DJF love Japanese stereotypes more than any other racial stereotype.

Thanks to the U.S.S. Mariner, a recent USA Today piece on Ichiro was brought to our attention, in which the Japanese superstar fulfills the one stereotype we have yet to rag on: Philosophical Japanglish.

Here are some selected quotes from Jon Saraceno’s piece:

On Aging:
“Once I turn 40, I can become a pitcher. I’m kind of serious about it. But I’ll have to learn to throw a knuckleball. Right now, I could be a ‘normal’ pitcher.”

On Performance-Enhancing Drugs:
“When you take steroids, it’s not as if wings grow out of your back, and you start flying all over the place and stealing home runs (from hitters). The word ‘cheating’ doesn’t apply for me regarding steroids.”

On Tiger Woods’ Athleticism:
“Tiger is a great golfer, but when you say athlete, I think of Carl Lewis. When you talk about golfers or race-car drivers, I don’t want to see them run. It’s the same if you were to meet a beautiful girl and go bowling. If she’s an ugly bowler, you are going to be disappointed.”