San Francisco 49ersThe National Enquirer published a report on Monday that would normally inspire no small amount of contempt for its promotion of heteronormative thinking through an attempt to define O.J. Simpson’s suddenly questionable sexual orientation, except that, well, this:

Perhaps the biggest tip-off that O.J. may now be playing for the other side is his choice of prison companions, according to the source. He says the former la­dies’ man hangs out with a group of open­ly homosexual men known as “The Girls.”

“WHENEVER HE’S LET out into the prison yard, he stays with them,” revealed the insider. “He says, ‘The Girls treat me like I was a king!’

“He claims they flirt with him and even give him massages. Some even call him ‘DJ’ – short for ‘Daddy Juice.’ ”

Daddy Juice!

The new nickname for the former football star should be enough to make us wish he wasn’t such a pariah for his post-career criminal activity. Can you imagine an ex-convict athlete/movie star named Daddy Juice? 2017 can’t come soon enough.

One item that the Enquirer actually did get right in its salacious and assumptive report is to do with Simpson’s popularity in prison. According to the New York Post, the former Bills running back and Naked Gun star held a Super Bowl party in his cell at Lovelock Correctional Center in Nevada.

Simpson is one of the few inmates who has his own TV, reports The Post’s Richard Johnson, so his friends crammed into his 80-square-foot cell to watch. “If you have the money, you can buy a TV at the inmate store and put it in your cell,” Simpson’s producer friend Norman Pardo said. There was no shortage of potential guests because he’s so popular. “He’s like the Godfather of the prison now,” Pardo said of the one-time NFL great.

America. The best.

H/T to Jon Koblin of Deadspin.